Dedicated to @Garier
Just because it's happened to me before
doesn't mean I'll let it happen again,
when I have every power to choose
a more affable path.
I know the cycle too well now
to stumble into it unaware:
The beating down, rambling
teary-eyed, shaking and
gasping beneath the kitchen faucet
as I try to wash it all away.
My knuckles display an array of scars,
the face of my bedroom door is
still splinterd with the shape
of his fist, but these feelings
go deeper than cuts and bruises.
And I know the way that apologies come:
Already hollowed out.
I suppose that it goes that
if you build them up with something
that will break beneath them,
they'll hurt even more
when they land on shattered bits,
the sting still biting even after every time.
I've always kept it quiet
(they call it saving face
for the ones who don't deserve
to be saved but
being brave for those that do)
because I can't walk away
from family. But any boy
who thinks the sad backstory
means I'll play his victim
will soon know how I look
headed in the opposite direction of him.
Yet, maybe the reason I
have ripped those pages out and
hidden them from view is for
my own selfish motive of hating pity.
The only time I take them out,
smooth out the wrinkles, and
read from them aloud is when
someone kind gives me the hope
to keep fighting in every small way,
and I feel the need
to share some inspiration in return.
Some days, all I really need
is for someone to understand
the strength it takes
to keep on fighting,
someone
to tell me that I'm brave
when it's getting harder to
believe myself.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
This is a really very good poem, one of the best that i have read yet, and believe me, i've read alot of them. Only thing is i think you should consider taking the ( ) out. While i like it, that's not something you generally see in a poem. That is possible the only thing that i would say that maybe could use a little change. otherwise, i loved it. Keep writing and message me if you come up with anything new! I'd be honored to read it.
< Sillia >
I'm glad you like it. The parentheses is something E. E. Cummings does that I like a lot, which is why I do that somethimes. I'd be happy to message you or leave a link on your wall when I publish anything new, no problem.
thanks
Welly well well, I see you have people tearing up here, which is a testament to the high level of emotion in your poem, so good work then. A bad review of this would really make some enemies easily, so I will be careful.
Now the poem seemed, through all the emotion and detail, to be a bit of a rant - well this is not necessarily a negative, but I needed to understand with more exactness what was happening. The poem can be read as a very general, generic story, so every reader can weave his own life into the poem and find meaning, but now I feel that the persona is not quite revealing a story, but how they feel toward a story - hope you get my drift here. All the "them"s and "it"s really make the poem really vague to me.
Well I get that the poem is dedicated to someone in particular, so I guess there might be details that I am not meant to fully grasp. Now to your last stanza - I think this was your most powerful. It kinda wraps up the whole poem (which makes me think that the poem could be shorter and still just as effective).
This is a good work. Keep writing good poetry.
I made it more general because it's something that's kind of difficult for me to go into details with, and because I wanted people to be able to connect to it themselves, like you said. But mostly the first.
And the dedication is to the person with whom I had a conversation about this sort of thing with, and I felt the need to let them Know that I appreciated them listening to me and sharing with me their own story, if that gives any help to finding context
Thanks for reviewing. I know i
t's kind of ranty, I might try to neaten it up, might not.
Hello rhiasophia,
This had me crying, but I love a poem about fighting back. I empathize, and in my own way, sympathize. It does take a lot of courage to keep fighting, and I'm sure you can do it. Anyone who can hold off the world in their own way is very brave. You are brave, I know you are. This may seem hollowed out, but I really mean it, sincere to the heart.
~Kelpies.
Thank you so much, it really means a lot to hear that. I'm glad I could touch you, though I'm sorry for making you cry
It's a good sign.