when the warning flags fly
a dangerous red,
and the white caps flare
off the coast of the Gulf of Mexico
is when I'm most
attuned
to the sea and all its
comingsandgoings
is when I'm wild,
salty-blooded,
and dashing the currents against
water bre aking thighs,
or riding out the waves for
all of their worth
with my own
watery body
& the only reason
I don't dissolve away into it
is the sea is already saturated
with all it can take
& whenever I cry I
tell myself it's okay because
I'm just giving back
all I took from the sea
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
This poem is very interesting because it identifys the sea as a partner, coming and going, and shows how we really get to know people when worry sets in. Are own distress about this set of circumstances threatens to overtake their immediate needs. But we manage not to lean on them because we know that that would tip their already one sided balance. We cry alone, and we know that we are crying for them. I liked the simile of the sea and the body having a mutualy beneficial partnership. The sea comes in bearing all of its passiopn, and out own bodies made of water, give it more. The messge of this poem was clear. Good writing.
Unknown391625 here!
This is a beautiful poem. It shows you connected you are with ocean and marine life.
is when I'm wild,
salty-blooded,
and dashing the currents against
water bre aking thighs,
or riding out the waves for
all of their worth
with my own
watery body
In my opinion, this is the best paragraph that I read in your poem. You are an amazing poet and you have a lot going for you. Hope to see more of your poems.
Hello, rhia.
I don't really know another way you can phrase this, but the multitude of "of" tripped me up a little. It's not too important, but if you can find another way to phrase that, it might be nice.I'm quite impressed with this poem. It's beautiful, and I really like the slightly experimental format you're using. Good job dealing with YWS formatting, too!
That being said, there are a few things that I think could be changed for the better.
The first line confused me. Are we talking about literal red flags? Or are we talking about the idiom-- "that raised a red flag for me"? Or something else entirely? I think that an image that readers connect with the Gulf more would be a better image here than these red flags. If it is an alert to the narrator, the narrator would be more worried about what is raising the red flag.
In the third line, I don't know if the extra spaces between off and the next word were intentional. I kind of get it if it was, but I didn't get it at first and I don't know if that one really adds anything to the poem.
comingsandgoings is an interesting choice to make. When I think of the sea, I think of the waves coming and going slowly, but when a word is all squished up like this, it makes me think it is fast. Perhaps you can find another way to format that to properly convey the grandness, dignity, and slowness that the rising and falling tides have.
I'm not a fan of the line break here. It's not a good idea to end on a verb, and you end on "am" (though it's obscured by the contraction). Moving "wild" up a line would fix the issue, and I like the idea that "salty-blooded" gets its own line.
I love the way you break up "bre aking" because it's an unexpected way to break it up.
I really like the last stanza, but it feels odd at the end of the poem. The poem feels like a feel good poem: I am the sea, and it makes me feel good. But the mention of crying at the end is a little unexpected, and not in a particularly good way, as it shifts the tone of the whole poem. Perhaps have a little build up to it or something? If the whole poem was supposed to be sad, give us more hints in your language.
"and" and "&" should be consistent throughout your poem, I feel. I like the use of the ampersand, but I think that every time you say "and" it should be either written out like that, or the ampersand, not both, as I don't really see a reason for the switch in the poem.
Altogether, this is lovely. Nice job on it! I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy poeting!
Thanks as usual for a super helpful review! I do have explanations for some of the things you mentioned, though.
Redflags are flown at the beaches I go to whenever there's dangerous conditions. The beach visit from whence this came was on one of these days. The waves are crazy, crashing, and I love it. It's my favorite time to be there. I recklessly go all in.
Which leads me in to "comingsandgoings". I squished it together because the waves weren't coming and going slowly, they were comingandgoing very quickly and violently.
The other suggestions, though, are ones I'll definitely try to fix up when editing. Thank you again!
Ah! That makes more sense! I know what you're talking about with the red flags now. I also thought that you were talking about the tide rather than the waves themselves. Perhaps "the flags fly a dangerous red" would be more appropriate? I'm sure other people who don't go to the beach often will also take the red flags comment as a strange image.