you take the metaphor in your mouth
but it doesn't matter because
you won't find its truth even so close to home
if you tell me what my words mean
you seem to think that you
are the cause of some joyous homecoming
so I will be blithe as I give up on
making an impact on you
that goes any deeper than definitions
if you look to the inchoate storm
and warn it that it will
get the ground wet, it will learn nothing new
so do not stop me when my words
are still young, just to
spell out for me my own intent
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hello there, rhiasofia! Scarlett here to review your poetry. ^^
Wow. This is a really nice, blunt and somewhat abrupt poem. I do like that about this, though. It's almost like the narrator is angry at someone, and angry because the other person, this 'you' they keep refering to, is putting words in their mouth or taking them out of context and it's just pissing him/her off. I mean, can you blame him/her? I'd be pissed off, too. So, that's an awesome feeling.
I especially liked this part;
and this part;
I like how you've put the idea that telling someone something doesn't mean they'll learn anything new into a storm. That was a very interesting way to put it, and I loved it.
The best part, though, was how you ended it. That was really blunt and abrupt. And I think that was probably the best way you could've ended it. ^^ I don't have any nitpicks or anything else to say, so I'm just going to tell you I'm hitting like as soon as I've hit sumbit!
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar.
by Team Rocket.
I really like your use of imagery!
I really like your use of imagery!
Hello again!
I have noticed in your works you have a thing about leaving out punctuation and capital letters and things. And it works really well: especially here.
The opening stanza is strong and impressive, making a bold statement, and addressing the reader directly:
The rhyme is good; solid and easy to follow. Particularly evident here:
It's also quite somber this work, I think there is a hint of depression about this. XD
The way you finish off the conveyance of your meaning in the final stanza is low key but striking. I was impressed by the way you handle your diction.
Keep writing!
This poem seems to be about contextualism, and how people try to tell you what (i) you (a) mean. But since I love to interpret Ill try anyways. So this poem seems to me to be an example of the hard-knock lesson class of thiught, but on a more intellectual smd deliberate level. Very interesting. And you also believe that metaphors only matter to you if they hit home. Finally you seem to be talking about people who think thu are one step ahead of you and predict the outcome, perhaps cinics tend to do this. And it is also argument on people who try to impress with semantics? Im sometimes guilty of that myself. But in the en these people seem like know it alls. As alway good poem, good grammer, thanks for bringing inchoate to my attention. Very thought provking. Now you may have a cacoon.
<{/\/\\}>
Looks like I failed with the italics their. Oh well.