Hello! Prepare for a review!
To begin with, let's start out with the title! It's a nicely selected one, it considers the poem's subject--obviously a goldfish for a subject as well as its main purpose throughout the poem.
However, the impression that the subject that you've chosen--a goldfish--didn't really seem to inspire a thrill in the reader...initially.
Although a talking about a goldfish in a poem isn't common, as a poet, you should try to stimulate a response that makes readers interested. In the beginning it felt tedious, but I feel by the end of the poem you made up for that with the subject's situation and turning into something not too representative by the poem's end.
Another thing to add is the way the poem appeals to readers in general. I suggest trying to piece together a better way to organize the poem. Giving an organized poem that coincides with the sentences or phrases before makes it easier for readers to read and become enlightened with every word. Goldfish Getaway appeals to a reader visual and reasoning and having a systematic yet fluent poem catches more of an interest and of the subject. The ideas being organized is essential and using a different form, if possible, might help.
For example, in this area of the poem:
Shiver. Pass it on.
Refuse. Deny. Grow gills
You might want to separate that into a different stanza by itself rather than bunch it up with actual sentences.
Speaking of words, I loved the words you used in the poem! You gave an onamonapia effect on the bubbles, saying, "scream" to evoke a better mood in the audience as well as throughout the poem. Words such as, "renewed determination", "mirrored denial", and so on are useful in preparing your audience for that end.
The word choice definitely strengthens your poem.
Your idea to give a deeper meaning to a goldfish is also commendable, though there could've been a brief foreshadow or uniformed the meaning to the end. It's fine the way it is presented,don't worry about it.
In the end, I'd say it was an interesting take and read!
Points: 3706
Reviews: 38
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