A cacaphony of grasshoppers,
the symphony starts
with the low bass roar
of a growing-near mower
they take skyward and I smile
at the desperate scene,
the leap of faith;
outward and upward.
For these blades needn't even
find some chink
in the armor of the other
to go for the slaughter
they leap skyward and I smile
as they make their own
safe way away,
for they needn't know that pain today.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Hey rhiasofia! Thewriter13 here to give a review.
*is jealous because your poems are so, so, sooooo good XD
So first off, I just wanna say congrats about your poem that's in the spotlight
Nitpicks!
Hmm, the "growing-near" part read odd to me..."of an approaching motor" (credit to ancientforever for helping me with that)...I dunno, you don't have to change it, but it's only a suggestion
Hmm, I'm always picky when it comes to semicolon use in a poem
I don't think the semicolon needs to be there, but you can keep it if you want to
So these are the only two lines in the entire poem that rhyme...maybe you should change that so the consistency of free verse is still there...I'm not sure
AHHHH! I love your poems so much! You're such a great poet.
I hope you continue this in the future (insect inspired poems, I mean)
Keep writing!
Thanks, Writer, for the compliment and for the congrats
I know it seems a bit odd, but I was going for a certain sound, and it works to repeat the sound I wanted.
I like semi-colons, though
Thanks again!
grrr those darn semicolons XD
you're very welcome rhia!
Hey! IamTraunt here to review!
I think you deserve an award for this. Beautifully written.
Themes!
So, I have reviewed Mermaid by TonelessBard and Soon I'll be a Star by Vivian, and both were notable and fresh. I can definitely place your work amongst their's. All three poems have been a delight to read and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one.
So, I see you have quite a war-like theme here, between blades of grass, grasshoppers and the mighty beast... The lawn mower. I love how you present your poem, as if this mighty, metal monstrosity is warring against the unafraid grasshoppers. It is so unique and it is like breathing in a blast of fresh air. It is a wonderful poem and you should be proud of it.
Devices Used!
So, my most favourite device is enjambment - everyone one who I have reviewed for will back me up on that. You can just retain so much from it and I love it when people really go for it.
Interpretation 1) As we know, grass grows over time. So I'm going to point out the obvious and say that enjambment is used to show the period of time in which the grass grows and we have to face the struggle of cutting the grass time and time again.
Interpretation 2) Again, similar to time, enjambment is used to show the on going, constant battle between blade and grass. And on until the end it shows the time spent on such a slaving chore.
Interpretation 3) Full stop. I'm presuming the use of a full stop is to show the end of the task. Or end of the battle. Maybe the first full stop is to show that maybe a break from the troublesome war between man and earth, but then it carries on to show the continuation of this fight.
I loved this awesome piece! Keep it up
I've read two of your poems today and all I can say is that you're one of the most talented poets here. You make me wanna give up writing. Keep it up, good job!
Oh my god, thank you so much. But don't give up writing! Never do a thing such as that! Especially since I liked Mermaid by you so much. But I'm so glad you liked them, thank you for saying that.
Of course I won't give up, it was just a joke. I wanted to make a strong compliment
.
Oh, okay, well that makes me feel better. I almost felt bad. You did make a strong compliment, that is for sure.