Young Writers Society

A short review, but holy crumbs, Marms. You keep on hurting me so sweetly. <3

The strongest point, definitely, when you take into account re-read value and everything, is the opening statement:

loving you was like trying to skip
stones on a frozen lake.

I spent most of last night dawdling around on this image and drawing inference after inference between reads and I took something new from my own life, my own love life, my own tragedy each time. Embrace that. Remember that. Celebrate that. Acknowledge you've done it, but don't exactly try to carbon-copy it elsewhere, if that makes sense. Allow the unique nature of the image to maintain its integrity and be celebrated.

And the image continues throughout the poem--almost longingly wanting 'twisted' later on to be a version of 'cracked' to maintain that cooooold and very-fragile feeling. As always, an experiment worth conducting.

I appreciate the line breaks and white space added since last night. It gave a nice respite to momentum. It makes me wonder if you would feel similarly about some remaining places if you were to align your breathing with your reading while editing (which is what I do and why 80% of my poetry is white space.)

All-in-all, a wonderful showing. Conduct your experiments (particularly the aloud versions) and keep on going.

Ty

Hi. This is kman134. i'm here to review your work.

This was a very romantic piece. the metaphors and the similes really influenced the humanism of the poem.

"I'm not sure of anything anymore."

this part didn't really seem to fit the poem well. in fact, it seemed to have been out of place in it, but it did help dd more on the emotional tone to the poem.

"Manipulated and twisted"

this gave a slight dark turn for the story. however, that's usually what you expect when being in a relationship.

Anyway, this was really good and i wish to read more of your work.

This is Nikayla here for a review, as promised!

I like this one, and I'm a little hazy when it comes to reviewing at the moment, but let's jump right into the review. I can see this being a bit of a continuation of 'literary love' mostly for the fact of how you happen to write the poem, but I'm going to still review it as if it's its own thing. I like the metaphor that runs throughout the poem and the one that you start early on in the poem with the first line being the one to introduce it. I really enjoy the imagery that comes with this metaphor and I think you happen to have a knack or skill for short poetry, and this one is really no exception. There are still a couple of things I think you can play around with to consider or to make it even stronger. Lines three through six are ones that I wanted to talk about and while I like the sunlight peeking through a storm thing, I don't know if that's the best way to describe it.

Some other things to consider would be "peeking through the clouds" or instead of sunlight, speaking of veins of lightning in the sky. I'm just playing around with suggestions in my mind for the most part, but I would like to see the image reinforced. Something else that's probably just a personal thing is that I'm not the largest fan of "the furrow of your brow" as a line in this poem, or really I'm not the biggest fan of "brow" in general because it makes me imagine someone with a giant unibrow Dx and I don't think that's the message you're trying to get across. The end of the poem wasn't as strong as the start to me and I would have liked to see more with the frozen lake since I think that can be poked at for more strong imagery.

The "i'm not sure of anything anymore" felt a little out of place, but it does add more emotion to the poem in the sense that it's not really imagery but still gives us something strong to hold onto. The last four lines are the ones that I wasn't as fond of--the last two lines are stronger than the two before them, I just wanted to point that out because it's not like I dislike them all on the same level. I think it's the set-up of lines nine and ten is what bothers me with it as well as the fact that they feel a little lacking. Other than that, I thought this poem did well with the metaphor that it uses and the actual last two lines are some of the stronger ones in the poem.

I hope I helped and have a great day! If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Apologies if I wasn't at my top thinking level while reviewing this, haha.

BOIIII, I SO HEART THIS!!! This is honestly the best thing I've read all day.
HAVE YOU BROKEN UP WITH YOONGI? IS HE MINE NOWWW LOL

Ooooo . I like this one.

Hey Marmalade,
Myjaspercat here to review your poem...

So this piece is rather short and therefore I don't think it is super necessary for me to do a line by line. However I do have a few points that I would like to make.

First of all, why didn't you capitalize the word I? Typically you need to capitalize I since it is pronoun but if this has to do something with your style of writing then ok. If not then I suggest you capitalize the I's.

Second of all, how come nothing in your poem was capitalized? I get that not all words need to be capitalized and that it could be your style but it still seems rather odd... Then again, it could be just me.

Now that the technicalities are squared away, I want to mention the things that I did like. First of all, I love the image of cracks and how you referred to them like sunlight in a storm, I thought that that was a great metaphor. Next, I like the picture of the brow and the emotions that go along with them...

Ok, I think I'm done. Overall I really like this poem and I think that you did a great job. Have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.

I'm probably going to end up reviewing this, so I'm leaving this here for laterrr.