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camaraderie

by Charm


movies display friendship in glory,
exhilarating adventures laced with loyalty,
and i believe it’s what we both crave.
i like your company. the way you smile,
the kind lens you see the world from,
and your quiet nature that can quickly
flicker to excitement over a thrilling story.
we’re two artists trapped in the madness.
we’re two teenagers trapped in our dreams.
and hopefully we’ll remain here,
loved and lost in camaraderie.


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1080 Reviews


Points: 125
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Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:33 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So I found this to be different from what you usually post or do with your poetry, and that interested me quite a bit. The poem feels quite condensed in the sense that it's one stanza with a similar meter throughout. And I have to say, I'm not a fan of this one. Not to say that all of it is bad, but I've seen it as an experiment in a different style and I'm not that deeply rooted into it. One of the first things that I realized is that it's missing or lacking in the emotional impact that you usually give off with your poetry.

I'm not saying that poems regarding friendship can't be emotional or powerful, because they can, but this one doesn't accomplish that. For the title, you use a word that is also at the poem, which I don't mind, but just because you used a synonym for friendship doesn't make it so you get more brownie points. A lot of the words that you use to end lines start with 'y', and not to say that all adverbs start with that letter, but I sure did find a lot of them lying throughout this piece. Breaking this down, the first three lines don't really happen to grip me into the poem. We get that movies talk about friendship as if it's something glorious, and I don't know if this is intentional, but so do you.

The poem is simple and sweet--and that's about it. I do have to say that you give off this feeling of it being a bit of a narrative, but I'm not sure if that's a positive in my mind. The poem, to me, relies too heavy on it's theme that could easily come from a Disney Channel show about friendship and how it's glorious, instead of what I see to be your strengths. Your lines that grip the reader with their emotion and your usage of imagery, both of which aren't here.

It's different, branching out from your usual style. I'm a little confused as to what the reader is supposed to feel in this case. I understand at this point that the other person in the poem is supposed to be the friend of the speaker, but the reader is a little uncertain of what you're trying to give off. At the same time and at surface-value, it's a poem about friendship that I find to be lacking in new ideas, which is fine, but if you want to keep the reader, you have to focus on making the execution of that idea different or newer.

Best,
Kayla.




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Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:23 pm
Lumi wrote a review...



Hey, Marms!

So you don't have a necessarily bad concept here--on the contrary, it's sweet and simple and for that, you deserve the likes you've garnered. There's no contesting that.

However, it's not exactly to my tastes, and it's hard to explain this--BUT I'mma try.

I'm big on inferential material. The ability to take away more meaning than what's presented, and this is very very limited in scope. It's about a friendship, and that's it. Your flow is decent and your word choice makes the fresh-placed rhyme work, but in general, being honest, it's just not my jam. One thing I would suggest is spacing out the rhyme in the early portions--it gets overwhelming very quickly.

I hope this helps, Marms.
Ty




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Tue Mar 14, 2017 2:10 pm
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This was such a sweet little poem! It didn't need the extreme length some do to tell a story of two people who are so close they are able to spend so much time together. It reminds me of my best friends and it really hits close to home. I also learned a new word from this poem.
I couln't even find any mistakes or things that needed editing. It was such a sweet poem. Keep writing my friend.Thanks you.





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