i know why it's raining now
i understand
the weatherman scratches his head
"that's not what this says"
that's what you say
not me
i wrote, life is strong
i wrote, let go
i write, how??
letting go is easy to say
hard to do
why?
i text her child, love you so much
let us know if you need anything,
when what i need is to dry my tears
wipe the sniffles away
be strong
i wander, lost, in our small backyard
i know why the birds are silent
they grieve with the sky
they grieve with me
watching my chest seize with sobs
the silence hurts
i hardly knew her, so why the tears?
i hardly saw her, so why the grief?
why?
is all i can say
why does it hurt so much?
the tears, the pain
her left side drooped
her speech slurred
her foot braced
and still she smiled
like the warrior she was
fight
i stumble and fall
i weep with despair
i scream into the void, WHY???
WHY THE PAIN FOR THE GHOST
UNKNOWN TO ME?????
i know why it rains now.
i understand.
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139,327 Literary Works • 672,533 Reviews
I know words don't fix things like this, but I'm so sorry for your loss.
Great introduction. It creates a sense of melancholy apprehension, a realization about something widely associated with gloom and darker times. It's also calm, despite the overwhelming feeling of sadness, which is also similar to rain; Both light showers and extreme storms can be correlated as representing those feelings, making them intertwined.
I also appreciate the tone of understanding. I think it varies depending on the person's mental state and personality in general, but it typically takes a while for someone to come to terms with the loss of a person dear to them. I'm unsure if the narrator is talking about either someone extremely close to them where they'd have that feeling or just someone who passed away a time long enough ago for that to happen.
The introduction of the weatherman is slightly disconnected from the previous line. It connects with the rain part, but the "that's not what this says" part feels as if it comes straight out of nowhere too quickly for my likings with pace.
I like the way it acts as a foundation for whoever is speaking through the italic comments on the right side, though. That's a really cool idea to use.
Ooh the sudden change from past tense to a more present sounding tense is a nice contrast, in my opinion. I do wish there was something to add more emotion to the "write" part or even the past "wrote" parts, and showcase that change a little more strongly than that.
I also agree that it's more unclear as to why the tense changes, but I prefer poetry that is more emotional to have less backstory and be built more on now than back in the past. I think if you show emotions correctly, the past is not important at all.
Repeating lines in poetry is a hit or miss situation in most places, but this works with the general atmosphere. It hits where it hurts most and describes the feeling of losing someone who was previously thought to be "always-living." Especially a mother, the person we look at when we need help, or really anything like that.
My deepest condolences <3
Thanks so much, chi. <3
Hello there! Thanks for requesting a review. I’d like to preface this by saying how sorry I am for your loss.
One piece of advice I would give you is to use formatting carefully, in terms of italics/caps/right indentations. In between most of these stanzas, the “right” side formatted words seem to be direct thoughts from the speaker, in a way preluding each next section of text. The two that throw me off a bit is “not me” and “fight” as I’m not sure how those thoughts connect to each other and the rest of the poem, perhaps the speaker acknowledging that they didn’t lose their parent, and that they need to “fight” their emotions in some way, or their sadness, but I could be interpreting wrong.
Connecting sadness/depression with the rain is a very relatable motif, and I think it works well here. I don’t know how closely this is tied to what happened in real life, but the conversation with the weatherman seems a bit disjointed from the rest of the poem, mostly because this is the only quote/reference to anyone’s words or thoughts besides the speaker. The other thing I’m a bit perplexed by is why “I wrote / I wrote” changes into “I write” in the second stanza, as there’s no clear indication that the first two actions happened in a time gap/at a different time than the final line.
I am a bit curious for the reason why the speaker addressed their friend as “her child” instead of “my friend” or adding both of those bits in relation to the text, as I picture the speaker being a child themself. I really like the relating of birds/sky, bringing the rain back into the idea of showing grief/sadness. The questions in stanza five are definitely relatable when it comes to viewing the loss of a loved one, even if there weren’t significantly in one’s life, while the strength of the sixth stanza comes in displaying this person in all her glory without truly referring to her illness/disease.
The last stanza ends this poem nicely, but I would suggest to not have all-capitalized letters, and instead leaving those thoughts italicized, or even with parenthesis to indicate their importance, as all-caps did seem a bit startling, but that could be the importance of those words, or the purpose of for setting those lines that way. Those last two lines “I know/I understand” is a very bittersweet moment, in the speaker coming to terms with what has happened and how this might impact their life later.
This was well written, and clearly displayed this emotional connection between the speaker send who they lost. Nicely done! ^^ I hope this helped.
Thanks for the review!
To answer a few things, the "wrote" is referring to the other poem I wrote, letting go. If you read that, you'll understand the reference.
The child is me texting the daughter of the woman who died.
Thank you for your very helpful review!!
i am so so sorry for your loss
this is such a sad poem
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Hope you feel better
Thank you <3
I love how it opens and closes with a similar phrase"i know why it's raining now" and "I understand". They both have different meanings, explicit in the beginning from the weather man, and implicit from the narrator's feelings that come from the rain. The screaming into the void part was a bit jarring compared to the rest of the text? It caught me off guard, and I think "scream into the void" is a bit of an overused phrase related to joking. So it really does take a bit away from the emotional aspect of the piece. Otherwise this is really witty!!
Thank you.
I was not trying to joke here. This poem was written because someone close to me died.
Hello there LordMomo! I really like your works and i wanted to give a little short review on this piece of poetry.
The only thing i can say is that you need to put commas at some of the sentences since you kinda forgot to put them there.
Overall, it's pretty nice!
Sincerely, Purple67
Thanks.
A very touching poem.
In the author details its written that you are just of my age so how you find those words that just fits right in your poem.
I like that you wrote some things on the right hand side it gave the poem those feels that was needed.
Thank you.
This is so moving, Momo, and so well done. The words aligned on the right side act like an echo and really add a lot to this. <3<3<3
~Stringbean
Thank you <3
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