Young Writers Society

Hey there MomoMajesty. Just dropping by like you requested. I meant to get here earlier, but I'm glad to see you already have two great reviews.

I am always excited to see what young writers are doing with putting images and written word together. It usually creates an interesting formatting choice that I don't see very often. Having to match letters to font to colors that fit upon a background is a very precise process. You've done well in this attempt to get everything to match up correctly. I think it might give some better contrast to the background, while still drawing in scheme colors, if you want with a an orange yellow color for the text. Or perhaps a color that doesn't show up in the picture scheme at all because there's always going to be one letter/word that falls on the horizon.

Unless...

You choose to change the current formatting. Personally, I'm conflicted by the way you've broken up the word "bit". I think I can see what you're trying to do with it and if you want to keep it split up, this would be my suggestion for the spacing.

b
[tab] i
[tab] [tab] t

Hello hello.

I agree with the other reviewer. The background choice works really well with the subject matter, almost contradictory even. It didn't express a free theme to me when I first saw it paired with the poem, but it did bring up the matter of the person appearing to be carefree and enjoying life. The process of breaking and being broken is something that is private to a person, maybe even the most private thing in their life, which leads into the person in the situation hiding their emotions behind a facade.

Your juxtaposition of each line also showcases that as well. When people see the word "but" they imagine someone rejecting an idea or someone bringing up a negative point against theirs to promote their moralities. Then, when people see the phrasing of something being free, they assume a person has been freed from a bad place or let go of their worries relating to whatever has happened in their life. Those being close to each other might've been unintentional, but I really enjoy how it fits together.

Although, I don't think juxtaposition matters much when it gets put in the shadows by the general placement of other lines. I'm a fan of choppy poetry because it creates a feeling of urgency or something otherwise important. I'm also a fan of when each line break makes sense to the storyline, like with how the word bit is cut into each letter because that shows it is important to the narrator or general theme.

Here are my more in depth thoughts on those specific visual factors:

i am broken
i walk like i am whole
but i am chipping away bit
by <- unnecessary word broken off. I looked at its section for too long trying to figure out what was spelled as by / b / i / t until I realized it was another word on its own.
b
i
t
i am breaking
but <- same with this. i don't recommend having one word alone as a new line because it can mess up flow and end up being confusing.
i am free

Hi, I really loved not only your poem, but the artistic elements and how you presented it.

Although it was pretty short, you were able to convey a great deal of emotion. The contrast between feeling broken and feeling free gave me a sense like the narrator has decided to "let go" of something they believe was holding them back. Your choice to break down the second "bit" in "bit by bit" makes the reader slow down and think more deeply about it. A much darker analysis could interpret it as letting go of life, as in suicide. The breaking could be referring to the character's depression and the freedom they find could be freedom in ending their life. Again, that's just a darker way of looking at it.

For the more visual feedback: I really liked the background you chose, as it really expressed the "free" theme of the poem (and it was really beautiful). The figure in the image gives me a sense of breaking away from something (or letting go of something, as I mentioned earlier). The sunset (or I guess it could be sunrise, but it feels more like a sunset to me) with the moon rising (again, the moon technically could be setting, but it just feels like the sun is setting and the moon is rising to me) create a contrast between the ideas of endings and new beginnings (as the day is ending and the night is beginning). I also really liked the font you chose for the text, also one nitpick I have is that the color makes it a bit hard to read on the "i am breaking" line. Everything else about this, I absolutely loved, so great job! ^-^