Young Writers Society

Greetings, momo! Sorry it took a while for me to arrive. Life has been on the hectic side, but here I am to inspect a pair of neglected shoes sitting all alone by the corner. How sad!!

Honestly, I can find no place for improvement. This poem is perfectly worded and instantly paints images in my mind. So all I can really do is break down the poem and analyze what I got from it.

The things that I really liked about it are the descriptions. You used a lot of poetic themes here to really make them great. For example, when you said "liquid lies" the alliteration there is perfect. Then, to add to the mental picture you used the verb "seeped." Very nice combination!!

Now the character him/herself. The whole poem revolves around the main characters thoughts. He or she feels very uncomfortable with his or her reflection in the mirror. Depression and sad thoughts have clouded over the reality of the situation and made this person think that living as a shriveled up faceless creature would be better than living altogether.

Normally, I would be begging to know why the character feels like this, but you cleverly illustrates the idea that this character did nothing wrong and these are only extremely depressed thoughts when you wrote that the character contemplates everything he or she did, said, and did and did not say.

Now, at this point I have to wonder if the mirror is even real or if the character's "mirror" is a part of him or herself that likes to reflect on the bad that has been done and paint an evil, lying image of the person in the person's brain. Seeing as though the person's thoughts are so clouded by darkness, this seems to be rather likely.

It looks like that as the poem progresses these thoughts get darker and darker, twisting into an ever deepening mental hole. I just want to crawl into the mind of the person and whisper some truth into the haze of darkness wrapped around this person's brain.

All right, that's all I've got. Hope you found this review helpful and uplifting!

-Kaia

Hi there! This is Copper, a story bunny, here to review your wonderful poem!

Are you okay there, friend? This sure is a sad poem. No, not sad. Sad isn't a very good word to describe it.
You know, Orabella has told me a very similar story about her own life. If you ever want to talk to her, she's there. ^^

Overall impressions:
This is based heavily on self images. And the mirror is such a perfect metaphor that I'm hopping around with joy! Mirrors just reflect what they see, but they can be easily distorted, whether it's the actual mirror or its viewer. (Or both) Also, the cover is really cool. I couldn't think up a better one to fit this poem.

Anyways, on to the review!

i broke my mirror yesterday because i didn't like what it said.

liquid lies seeped out of my reflection and into my mind,

twisting my gaze and my thoughts.

its sickly sweet voice told me i didn't deserve happiness,

and that i should starve and shrivel up into a faceless lifeless being.

its words wrapped around my brain, taking it in a chokehold,
making my own image the only thing i can overthink.

i contemplate every word i've said and every word i didn't,
every thing i've done, and what others thought of me.

i cannot force these thoughts from my head,

so i wear a thin mask of positivity and a smile in front of
my friends and family, hiding what i truly feel and think.

even though if i asked for help with carrying these burdens,
they wouldn't hesitate to assist me with my load.

but what if they would only see me as an inconvenience,
and brush me off with a dismissive wave?

This poem is like a reflection of my own thoughts sometimes.

I like the way this poem flows and how it's written in free verse. The way you have frased everything makes it powerful and real.

Did you not capitalize the word 'i' because the person in the poem feels as if they're not important? I think that's brilliant. It really reflects the narrator's opinion of themselves.

My summary from what I have interpreted this poem as: Someone broke their mirror because they didn't like the reflection. The person started to believe the lies their reflection told them, and it's messing up their thoughts. They feel as though they don't deserve happiness and like they can't tell anyone because they think no one will want to help them.

I know what this feels like. And though I want the poem to have a happy ending, I know that sometimes asking for help is hard because what if no one wants to help you? Then you feel even worse knowing that people don't care about your troubles.

But hopefully there's always someone who wants to help.

Back again, reviewing because I didn't lengthen my original comment enough for it to count as a review.

As I said, I really liked the flow of this work. The use of the mirror and personification of it was really touching. The way you described its voice helped me envision this.

I didn't realize this the first time I read, but I realized that you spaced every, and thing. This didn't cross my mind, but made the sentence more impactful. I really like poetry, and think that this is amazing. ^_^

☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

I really liked the flow of this!
The absence of capitalization helped convey your message better, and I liked the final line.
This is relatable for me, and I think it doesn't need any tweaks.
You are really talented!!