Young Writers Society

Hey momonster! This is a special review as it will be the one that I claim my KotGR Unicorn with. Because it's such a special review I thought it'd be fitting to try to review your poem using @AmayaStatham's KotGR Review Template . So here we go.

Salutations, fair companion!

May the day find thee well and prosperous. 🌞 While taking a stroll with me shiny horse, Grendel 🐴, I stumbled upon this noble work. As I rise from my horse, I hereby pledge my loyalty to the KotGR by using the KotGR Review Template 🐉📚

* On a personal note, if this poem is written with personal experiences in mind, my heart goes out to you and I hope that the process of writing some of this out was therapeutic. I think many many people can relate to the feelings expressed and I found it a powerful and strong reflection on something that can be quite vulnerable to talk about.



First, let's elevate the qualities that shine as brightly as the polished steel of a knight's shield!

* This poem has a very clear meaning, assisted by the narrative and internal monologue. Placing the poem within a "scene" (ie. the speaker seeing the little girl, then gazing at the mirror) is a big help too in making the poem come alive and feel complete. I've read some similar themed poems that only have the internal monologue bit, and while those can still be impactful, I find a little slice of narrative makes a poem stick a bit more. So I really like the set-up. And think the meaning comes across loud and clear.

* I also thought the prose-poetry format worked really well into the narrative / description elements.



Like a knight sharpening his sword after battle, let us sharpen your story; these suggestions are meant only to help you in your quest for excellence, with no intention of offending.

I have two suggestions I'd like to pass on to you - that I think might be used to elevate this poem to the next level.

* A "continuous" metaphor / image. Right now I think the poem would feel a bit more poem-like with a bit more figurative language; and if you could find some metaphor or symbol to point at in the beginning and then at the end again it would add more continuity between the two halves. Working with what you already have - what if there was a mirror in the first paragraph? Or some other symbol like a voice or something?

* There were a few bits I thought a little expansion could benefit the poem and make it a little more vivid and interesting. Try to avoid those sort of "empty phrases" that say something, but are too vague as to really say much. Like "zest for life" (what does that mean?) or "full of life" (again... what does that mean?) I think the nightmares portion could be a bit more specific or vivid too - maybe describing lurking monsters or something?



My favorite part of the poem was definitely the final stanza, and then that final line. I was hoping this poem would end positively, and that was such a sweet and warm way to end - it pulled at my heart strings and made me empathetic to the speaker. I love the idea of nurturing the child within oneself to heal old wounds and ward off contemporary monsters. Loved the simplicity and resoluteness at the end there. Nicely done, and powerful.




Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece, and I believe it also has "sticking power" - it's a poem that means something and means something important. Though the poem reads as very personal, it is also relatable and maybe even inspirational. Well done. I hope to see more of your work this April!

May the stars guide thy path by day and by night! Keep up your noble work, for you are truly remarkable!


With Knightly regards, Knight Alliyah, Court Magician


Ah, behold! Psst!

Time for a Black Cat Review!!

MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret


Momo, this was truly beautiful! When I read it, I knew that without a doubt, I needed to take the time to analyze it and leave you a review. I am going to assume that this is a person piece based off of your life, but if that interpretation is wrong, then assume that I am speaking about whoever this is based on instead of you. Let’s get right into this piece and break this down, part by part.


I see two main sections in this. First, who you were before, and secondly, who you are now and who you have become as you got older.

i saw a little girl in church yesterday. she couldn't have been more than three years old, with blond curls and a red plaid dress. seeing her reminded me of myself. i used to have blond curls and i also wore red plaid dresses at christmas.

This is a beautiful opening. It sets the stage for a masterpiece of self reflection of who you were when you were younger. I see the contrast between seeing someone who resembles who you were as a child, the innocense and purity.

my mind was my best friend; there was never a dull moment in it. i loved to dance and sing. i was a bossy kid, always wanting to tell my friends what to do.

In the next section, we learn more about who you were when you were younger. I can see how care free you were. How you loved to play and didnt worry about many things that we worry about now. You felt safe in your mind and were always entertained.

i loved food. cookies, brownies, pizza, meatloaf, nutella sandwiches, berries, apples, chips and goldfish were my best friends.

Momo, I really love the wall post or club post or something-post you made a while ago about being happy with your body the way it is. I cant remember where or when it was but I remember that it really stood out to me and made me smile. This section reminded me of that. AS a child you were able to love food without any guilt, which is something that so many people struggle to maintain as adults, me included.


Moving on, the next section reads:

i have straight brown hair now. i wear jeans and sweatshirts. my imagination is now full of horrors and nightmares. my mind is my worst enemy, feeding me poison.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE how you show the contast between the first and second sections. The difference between blong hair, curls, and a plaid dress, to brown straigh hair and jeans/sweatshirts. So well done, friend!

my siblings have moved away, and i'm the last one left. i am scared of food, worrying about how it will change my weight and appearance.

I love how much this section parallels the first. Its like we have travelled in a time machine, and are now feeling all of these gathered emotions, collected over time.


This piece has a beautiful ending:

but i'm trying to heal that child inside of me. i let her eat cookies and cupcakes. i let look in the mirror and imagine herself as a queen. i let her dance for herself and her Lord. i let her cry. and most importantly:
i let her live.

I love the “i let her live statement”. It is so powerful and bold. Through your writing and everything you post, i see how much you are living this statement.




Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement


I am having a really hard time thinking of specific suggestions for improvement, because I can tell that this is such a beautiful self-reflective piece, and it is perfect the way it is. If you were wanting some ways to improve it as a literary piece itself, i would recommend adding more metaphors to express how your feelings have changed and progress as you have gotten older. And description of location and emotion always helps!


Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises


This line was really beautiful:

i would cry for people i had never met.

I love how it is just once sentence that stands alone before you move on. It shows so much empathy and yearning for those feelings you once had.


The ending was a complete emotional rollercoaster for me, because I connected so deeply to so much you have said:

i still cry over people i've never met. my once smooth skin now bears thin scars, caused by myself. i still care so much for people, but no one cares for me. my zest for life has faded, and i sometimes wish i was dead so i wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore.

You still have those same feelings of deep empathy and connection to others that you had when you were young, but I am sure this has caused you a lot deeper pain as you have grown. Now you have scars, that never leave, and remind you constantly of the battles you have fought. I’m sorry you have had to endure so much. You are so strong <3


This was lovely, friend!


Ellie


Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!