Young Writers Society

Hey there @momonster ,

🍨 I'm here to deliver you your Ice cream, as you requested! 🍨

I have to mention that I'm not a professional yet and I'm just starting out. So please understand if this doesn't fulfil all your wishes.

First of all: This poem really touches my heart. With ordinary words you have captured a deep and powerful emotion, highlighting the happiness and struggles of the human life. It's very nicely written and I can sense that you have really put some thought in it before writing this poem.

Your message, is effective that life is a series of ups and downs, and that our emotions are an integral part of the journey.

a toddler taking her first steps,
carefully stumbling,
her parents cheering her on.

a young girl playing with her mother's makeup,
hoping she doesn't get caught.
full of innocence and wonder.

a teenager crying, hating her body,
wishing anything she was anything
than what she is.

a teenager sitting on her bed,
heart hollow, tears running down her cheeks;
she is numb, and her eyes see nothing.

a young woman looking at her pregnant belly,
full of anticipation and fear for her child,
and the life to come.

a mother nursing her baby, tears running down her face,
her whole life has changed,
and she doesn't know what to do.

a mother playing house with her daughter,
pretending a perfect life,
and forgetting the world for just a moment.

a mother dressing her daughter for her first day of school,
both full of excitement and nerves
for this new stage of life.

a mother sobbing inconsolably, holding her daughter's dolls.
a life is gone before it began,
and the pain is irreversible.

a heartbroken woman praying to a god
she never believed in,
trying to change her life.

a new woman dressing for church,
a smile on her face as she worships;
she has found peace.

Hey, there! I started this poem with a bit of a reminder of one I have written concerning a mirror, but this one does take a different route than mine, which is supposed to happen because all authors are different. Anyway, allow me a few comments.

I found the whole things easy to read, which always earns it positive points for me. Each stanza is clear and concise, and each one distinctly shows a different life phase, which is interesting. I noticed that there are no actual mirrors or reflections mentioned throughout the poem, but since it has the title it does, it provides for the reader to think of the poem as a whole in the context of what the girl/young woman might be seeing in her mirror throughout her life. However, I would say that titling a poem with an object or concept that doesn't explicitly show up in the body of the poem is a two-way street. It can either work really well or it can flop. When done right, it can give a nice sense of a cohesive theme. Still, one has to use it carefully so the reader doesn't end up wondering what in the world is going on. So there's just an observation to take or leave as you might find it applies.

I appreciate how the end brings us to a better point than where we might've thought we were going. I kind of expected it to come back around in a sort of circle to showing the little daughter as a sort of copy of who we see in the opening lines. But I think the way you took it is much better. While there is a place for showing the tragedies of life, it's also important to have written works that tell us of better endings and new hope. I definitely appreciate that, as well as the implication that no one has gotten too messed up to find peace in God.

Well, that's all for now. Keep up the good work!