Young Writers Society

Ah I am quite sick today, but I'll try to get in some reviews - I'm not doing the whole "positives/suggestions" thing I did in the rest of the reviews, so I'm really sorry if this is all over the place and shorter than my normal reviews.

So first thing is "Sit 'round, my children, / Sit down and I will tell." I like the narration feeling happening, and it's setting a big example for the rest of the poem to be an legendary story about something fantasy themed (dragons I assume because of the title.) Expectations are high, everything is delivered because it is a poem about dragons and fantasy, so all is good on that aspect of the storytelling methods and language choices used.

The storytelling is slightly awkward at times though; when informing someone about a thing that has happened in history or in fiction, all details must be present to immerse them into the time and location. If small details are missing from the narrating, the whole point of creating or restating the tale is lost - like with "The people were enslaved to them, / and they were given no time to rest" because there isn't much on before that happened.

(And having no time to rest is not the worst part of being enslaved. There is a lack of respect for the enslaved person's work and wellbeing, an overlook of any issues they might have with the surroundings and jobs, and a very clear power imbalance between those involved.)

Now, I enjoy the idea of the lines "Finally, a little girl / of youth and golden hair / stood up one day to the dragons" because in settings like this, little girls rarely have any appearances. Although, I am very sure a little girl would be too afraid of the dragons to do that, and parents would be rather angry too. It's a big plot convenience for the narrator figure to continue the tale on though, so it works for the narrative being created, I suppose.

I also feel the same way about "The queen, in her mighty fount of mercy, / had been moved by the young girl's story" due to most monarchs actually being terribly cruel people. A small child will not change anything, and even a village of adults wouldn't change anything. Once again, it is an important plot convenience to wrap up the epic tale. Considering that, everything is working well with the narrative choices that happened beforehand.

My general first thoughts when reading were "dragons make me go :O" and that still describes how I am feeling about everything right now.

Cheers! <3

Great job at crafting this poem! I love the format. How it's being told - by a narrator to a group of children - definitely gives it a great legend/storytelling feeling. The imagery is immersive and the characters within the poem (especially the "little girl of youth and golden hair" along with the dragon queen) were all well written. Lessons in the poem, consisting of bravery and mercy, leave the reader with an important message to think about.

Nice work!

~Spider~

Hi! I really liked the poem, and especially the way it’s ended, but I think that in the second last line, you can cut out the word ‘so’ , it’s totally unnecessary. Other then that I find no other mistakes and I’m sure that others have already cleared out all the other mistakes I have missed out

Hi there fellow writer!
Lovely poem you wrote here, isn't it ? I love the vibrant images that roam freely through your lines "golden head" "piercing blue". Also the way the poem flows makes me think it's a narrative work not a poem, resembles a fable to a certain point. You could call it a ballad but meh, I dont really think that this is the literary genre it belongs to. Nevertheless it's still gorgeous.
The way you portrayed the characters is so nice. From the initial description I thought all dragons are fierce beasts only causing pain for the human kind, prideful creatures that wouldn't forgive a small child that expressed her point of view. I expected the queen to belong in that kind of behaviour as well. However, you gave me a pleasant surprise and made me realise how wise and merciful the dragon queen really is.
I find a hidden meaning in here, and that is that with proper etiquette and actions you can manipulate anything to be in your favour.
Great work !

Hello, Momo!

Wow, this is an interesting poem. Or should i say ballad?

I liked the entire poem. Plot wise there wasn't really anything missing, and both beginning and ending were satisfying. But allow me to nitpick a little.

Sit down and I will tell.

Sit 'round, my children,

Sit down and I will tell.

Tell a tale of long ago

The time when dragons ruled.

'Twas a time of much hardship

When the dragons ruled.

You work us all to death.

Now the dragons, as I'm sure you've guessed,

blew fire in the air.

In their rage they roared to their queen

for the youth's golden head.

The queen, in her founts of justice,

demanded for a trial.

and marveled in awe,

at the queen's beauty

The queen was flattered,

for no human had done this thing before.

The queen proceeded with the trial

still in shock and gaping jaw.

But when she returned to her home...

She found a huge surprise!

Her family and friends,

and everyone else,

had been freed from captivity.

the dragons still roam and rule....