Young Writers Society

Hi Momo,

First off Momo my suggestion is that Momo your poem was alright but really is in your feelings through Momo let me tell you why in the poem Momo a plane filled with people.
though it has a pilot,
it seems to have a personality of its own.
i whisper, take me with you.

a butterfly on the flowers,
flitting from petal to petal.
carefree with no destination.
i whisper, take me with you kinda in my suggestion is that it was made of feelings about you imagine stuff that's fine cause i does that to imagine things Momo.

My Compliment Momo is that reading your poem made me learning more experiments from you when i make a poem is write what imagine Momo but till then what i ever imagine i writes it down Momo.

Good luck writing Momo have a nice day/or night

This is lovely, and the repetition of "take me with you" makes my heart ache. It speaks to something unspoken and deeply human. Thank you for sharing! <3

Hey, looseleaf here with a review! Sorry for taking so long to get to this, I've been busy. :) Just for a heads-up, the photo won't load for me because of my school's laptop so I'm going off of the text. Without further ado, let's get going.

I really liked this poem! It was short and sweet but you managed to convey your message very nicely. I also like the question at the end: is it better this way? It makes it seem like you're questioning the reader, and, it's open-ended and sort of existential. Good job!

The only grammatical mistake I saw was this:

i want t go with them

i whisper, take me with you

carefree with no destination

its face winking and twinkling.

Andrew here with you're Harsh Review! sorry that's a bit late, but the last couple days have been wild!
I am bad at poetry, so my critique skills are limited, but I'll try my best, just take my reviews with even more grains of salt than normal.
Overall, I like this poem, to me, it captures that distant longing for *more.* That magical adventure of the great open world of ever... if you know what I mean. It's a really hard feeling to describe, but your poem does it well. Also, unlike most poetry, I understood it, so that's a huge plus.
But into specifics!

a plane filled with people.
though it has a pilot,
it seems to have a personality of its own.
i whisper, take me with you.

a butterfly on the flowers,
flitting from petal to petal.
carefree with no destination.
i whisper, take me with you

the moon shining above,
its face winking and twinkling.
taking a journey each night through the sky.
i whisper, take me with you.

i see the plane,
the butterfly, the moon.
i want tgo with them,
but is it better this way?

Hi, Avis here for a short review ^-^

I really enjoyed this poem, it was simple (I mean this is a good way btw), but very sweet. It really exuded a feeling of wanderlust. I especially liked the theme of flight, as each of the subject you cycled through (plane, butterfly, moon) fly (well technically the moon doesn't fly, but technicalities don't really matter) or otherwise move through the sky.

(Personal anecdote: when I was a kid, I was pretty obsessed with the idea of flying and honestly, what I wanted more than anything, was to be able to fly. It felt like it would be so freeing and empowering, which is probably why I feel particularly drawn to this poem).

I also really enjoyed the imagery you used in describing each of these, especially in giving the plane "personality of its own" and in showing the butterfly's "carefree" sort of flight. You also personified the moon with the line "its face winking and twinkling" which I really enjoyed. By ending each of those stanzas with "i whisper, take me with you" you are able to show the speakers emotions and intent, as well as tie the poem together, which is another reason I really loved this.

Your ending, with a question, does a great job of making the reader pause and think. It made me think about freedom and flight, and why I still, at least partially, want that. It forces the reader to weigh the pros and cons of what this escape would mean.

Great job, I hope to see more of your work soon! <3

Hi @dancingontheclouds, Pineapple here for a short review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was short, sweet, and had a recurring theme. I love the sort of trope of wanting to break the status quo but being a little frightened. The repeating line "take me with you" showed the narrator seeming to want to be a different person than they were. That was my take, not sure if it was what you were going for.

My favorite line was "I want to go with them, but is it better this way?". I feel as though that is so relatable. To want something but at the same time wonder if it's okay the way the situation is. Overall, great job and I cannot way to see more of your work!

Signed,
Pineapple