pink music

Heya, Rubes here with a short review.

Oh my god, this was inspiring to read so first of all amazing work.
Let's start then, shall we?


i bend and sway
like a tree in the wind
i tap my foot
against my faded brown floor


So this part really stuck out to me, for a few reasons. I love the simile, the reader can understand and begin to visualise the protagonist and see the calm sway to the music ; it brings the poem to life! The last 2 lines are also great: I can imagine the room and atmosphere due to your short and simple description of the floor. It fits in amazingly well!


in my music world
i fly on clouds
the birds dance with me
the sun laughs


This part is also an amazing section! Music can take you to a different world entirely and make you feel like a different person even when times are hard. It gives an impression of relaxation and a tranquil environment just because of these 4 lines in the poem.

I would suggest seperating it into stanzas however it doesn't really require them! It works and flows joyously without them so you wouldn't NEED to. I personally think it would help my experience/read a bit though.

Carry on writing and stay safe,
Rubes x

Hiya!

I really really enjoyed this poem. The end especially I think was phenomenal. The line
"the sun laughs
and sets with a splash of pink
and i grin
and laugh with it"
Is incredible and so emotionally evocative. I think you do a really good job of expressing emotion simply if that makes sense. That very much is a compliment so I hope it reads like one, but most people can write long flowery stanzas describing emotion but it takes a lot of skill and sophistication to distill it as simply as you have and for that I commend you. I do think the second half is by far the better part of this piece. Though the first half is fantastic it seems to lack a lot of the whimsy and lyricism that builds up after the line "i fly on clouds" I don't know for sure but it seems as though you are balancing the stylistic meter of the poem with the playing and pausing of the music. If that is the case that is clever, but I do think you can maintain some of that lyrical flow in the first few lines and it would make this piece feel more complete and refined. The same attention could be paid to the last line, if you are balancing meter with music you should make that connection a bit more clear and perhaps make the end even sharper, but if you aren't then infusing the final four lines with some of the same emotion that fills the middle of the poem would help you a lot. All that being said I think this is a beautiful poem and you are expressing some incredible emotion and really fantastic words. You should be very proud of this, and as always these are all just suggestions, take them with a heaping teaspoon of salt.

-Gravity

Hi!


I really love this poem! It has such nice movement and is so upbeat. I love the personification of the sun and moon, and how relatable this feeling is. More than once I've gone outside during a full moon to just dance, no music involved loll. Usually, it's not good to have a long stanza but I like how this poem isn't broken up. It's a pleasure to read and doesn't feel too slow or stuffy. The last line of the poem is the only line I feel doesn't fit. Maybe you can alter it to something along the lines of 'under the morning sun's gleam' or 'when the music dances once more'. Idk. Overall great poem! I like the title, but I also like the line, "good night, euphoria" and I think that would be an excellent title for this poem.


AndName