jumble of life

Hello again haha!

There are two approaches a person can make if they want to write a poem about religion: one way is focusing on all of the good religion has done and what makes it special to the millions of practitioners, and the other is focusing on the negative aspects and what those do to people. Within those two approaches, there are even smaller things they can do that affect the poem; will it focus more on God than on the community? or will it be something else?

Now, I don't read much poetry about religious topics because I find it redundant at times. There are only so many ways to describe what happens when you practice a religion and express feelings about that, so I enjoy how this starts out slower and works into the faith idea. Writing about life and mixing in that is also something I enjoy a lot because I find that people just write about life and mix it with nature, or leave it a standalone thing.

I do think that some parts are weaker than others. I'm mostly talking about "sometimes / life is good / sunny, happy, fun" because starting out with that and not hinting at what could make life any of those things lets this feel unfinished. I could say the same with "sometimes / life is not so good / cloudy, sad, woeful," but I'd understand why you wouldn't want to focus on more of a dark atmosphere with the rest of it contradicting that vibe.

The lines "there is a God / keeping us safe" could also fit into that because it comes out of nowhere rather unexpectedly. I corelate life with God in my head, and many others who are religious or were religious probably do, but in most situations, it's better to leave foreshadowing for some things. What does God do to keep us safe? What is the problem that needs to be solved / what is making the people unsafe in general?

I'm always up for a nice discussion about faith, and if you ever want to chat about that, just drop me a message or something ~

Cheers! <3

Great job! I really liked how you conveyed this piece. That life has ups and downs, good times and bad times, but good things are still possible when this happens.

My favorite part was the ending,

"we will be fine
we are ok
there is a God
keeping us safe."

because there is always someone watching out for you, no matter who you are, or what you've done.

Overall really nice job, I think you could have used more punctuation in the poem, to make the flow of it better, that's just my opinion though. Besides that everything looks good, and I did not see any spelling errors in it. Can't wait to read what you write next.

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL

Hey! I know you already have quite a few reviews, but here is another one!
First off, this poem would be a lot better if it were broken up into stanzas. You can do that by pressing enter between paragraphs.
Also, that last part is really random. It doesn’t fit well with the rest of the poem. But I do agree, we have an amazing God keeping us safe. Amen!
Have a nice day! Keep writing! God loves you!

I liked the bluntness of this piece. You really got to the point that even though life is really, really difficult at time, you must be able to at least try to see inklings of positivity within the world.
I like simple prose, and this really delivered the simple message I think I needed to hear right now. I know a lot of people that don't believe/practice any sort of religion, and the fact that you openly put your beliefs in your piece is bold. It's very nice that you have something to look to for strength.

Cheers!

MintyLeaf <3

nice and to the point yet a hint of artistic flair. I dont know if you want a review or even if this needs a review but I want some points so I can post... So here it goes.

People forget writing is hard work and even as a writer some days(most days) I dont want to write anything and sometimes just writing anything, something is a victory in itself.

To be honest I have no critiques, all reviews dont have to be bad things. I thought this was great and for some reason I imagined Tyrion Lannister saying this poem. Anyway. Good job and keep writing

Hi! Enjoyed it thoroughly. I love short and sweet pieces reminding the readers to forget their scars and problems for a while and make them believe everything will be fine sooner or later.
Almighty God is there protecting us in his arms. Thank you for this lovely piece. It made my day.
Keep Writing!!!

Right now I am in a dark space and reading your mini poem just put a smile on my face cause at the end of it all it reminded me that no matter how dark the days might be at it will be alright. We tend to give up too early and forget that there is a God who is there looking over us. I am just hoping i would be able to move on from my dark place and find solace in lemy favorite hobby of all time which is writing as well as reading.

And congrats on take the first step lol

Nice poem! It's short but sweet. It's simple, yet beautiful. In fact, that sounds exactly like what a Haiku should be. Short, sweet, simple, beautiful. So, this could actually be a long train of haikus instead, but of course, a normal short poem is nice, too.

The eighth line is a bit redundant, as it just restates the earlier statement. "Sometimes life is good"

To shorten it and make it less redundant, you could have put "Sometimes life is sorrowful" instead.

I don't really have anything else to say.

Hope you were satisfied with this review!

-y0sH!