The Inner GuiltIt gnaws on my conscience
Like a cat on its prey
It pounces on me when
It sees brightness befalling my day
I feel like a child
Terrified of this terrible sea
It blocks my sun, dulls my mood
It never seems to flee
It creates big hoes in the ground
At every step, I seem to fall
Nobody seems to see me there
No answer to my helpless calls.
But now
The holes are getting deeper
They are draining me of my power
How I wish each morning this would end
With every cleansing shower
But the guilt doesn’t get washed away
All I did was go astray
Conscience Knocks at my DoorI’ve seen the ruin I faced
Everytime a new dream came
I’ve seen my fantasies crumple
Unapproved by my parents
I’ve been familiar with fear
Whenever an idea appealed to me
I’ve seen reality shake my dreams
So hard that it broke them
I know what it feels
When you are hopeless in the universe
And yet
Whenever I accused people around me
Whenever I desired to feel pleasures
Whenever I’ve tried to run from reality
I’ve known what guilt feels like
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey Catie here dropping by to give you a review. Again this is absolutely stunning. Your writing is so full of emotion. I would just go through and check your spelling on a few things like the first time you've mentioned holes you spelt it wrong.Bu other than that I would not change anything it's absolutely excellent. I love this piece as well as some of your others. Keep up the great work.
Hey Catie here dropping by to give you a review. Again this is absolutely stunning. Your writing is so full of emotion. I would just go through and check your spelling on a few things like the first time you've mentioned holes you spelt it wrong.Bu other than that I would not change anything it's absolutely excellent. I love this piece as well as some of your others. Keep up the great work.
Hi Grace4life here to review your work OK first of all WOW, it was true and meaningful.I really loved it really defined how a person feels when filled with guilt actually that is how i feel when I'm filled with guilt. I loved how you went deeper about how guilt makes a person feel i specially loved the "Inner guilt" I just love every word of it it was truly great and can not wait to read more of your work.
Continue writing because you good at it
Thank you.....
Thanks Grace
for the review. It means a lot to me
No problem:)
Hi, Lee's here to review your poem!
I enjoyed reading both. There's a good choice of words, substantial imagery, and the topics themselves are pretty interesting. However, allow me to nitpick a little.
I'm not going to point out the spelling mistakes and typos that @Haraya already found, but I did notice not all your "I"s are capitalized.
"Whence" does not mean "when". It means "from". So you may want to look at that.
I read what you said to Haraya, but I still think "The time sees and flies" is altogether a little too vague. I really suggest you try to work on that line so that your readers can understand it better.
Also, are you sure "loll" is the right word to use here? It doesn't seem suitable, since it means to stand or sit about in a lazy way.
In the second poem, again, incomplete capitalizations, and in my opinion you have used the word "dream" far too many times. Four times. Even if you're trying to stress on that point, don't repeat a word so often and so closely.
Otherwise, I really like both poems. There are some very nice alliterations you've made, and while there is no solid rhyme scheme the sudden rhymes make for a pleasant read.
I particularly enjoyed the second poem. It was more relatable.
Good work! I hope to see more of your writing soon!
-Lee
Hi Lee ! Thanks for reviewing. I'll look into my faults%uD83D%uDE42
So here! I changed what you said. Please view it again and let me know if it's better?!
Yes, it's better! You forgot the "whence", though. But that was just my opinion. If you don't feel comfortable with this, you don't have to change it!
Oh no that's not it. I forgot it amidst all the other faults
. And these nitpicks as you call them actually gave me a chance to improve. Thanks a lot%u263A%uFE0F
Hey there! Welcome to YWS! Haraya here to review your poem "The Inner Guilt."
First of all, I see you labelled this poem as Art. To change this, you can go to the Publishing Center. I think the setting is under Edit your Portfolio.
About me, I always appreciate good imagery and I read interesting ones in your poem.
"It gnaws on my conscience
Like a cat on its prey
It pounces on me..."
I liked this series of lines. Using "gnaw" was very powerful. It already implies the pain and pang of guilt is deep within you. Then you compare it to suddenness or predatoriness of a cat. It creates an immediate situation, where you were unprepared.
There were some vague lines in your poem, however.
"I hate it very much
It promises darkness to me..."
I wish you made the reader feel how much you hate the feeling instead of just telling us. How does it feel to be gnawed at by guilt? I think it would have been interesting if you had described it. The following line hard to picture for me. Maybe replace darkness with a more vivid image like storms?
"The time sees and flies"
I didn't understand what you meant by the time seeing. What does it see? I think you need to clarify this.
Nonetheless, many times when you used imagery, I'd say it was effective. How guilt creates holes and leads you to a pit and how showers don't clean it were really nice. It conveyed your message wonderfully.
Just some typos I'd like to point out:
"It gnaws on my conscience"
- the "i" in conscience has a dash
"It creates big hoes in the ground"
- I think you mean "holes."
"Leaving me ibn a pit to loll"
- I think you mean "in"
That's all! Sorry I couldn't review your other poem, but pretty sure there would be others who would happily do it for you. Again, welcome to YWS!
Huh. I have no idea why this sent twice ._. . Anyways, kindly disregard whichever you don't like
.
Hey there! Welcome to YWS! Haraya here to review your poem "The Inner Guilt."
First of all, I see you labelled this poem as Art. To change this, you can go to the Publishing Center. I think the setting is under Edit your Portfolio.
About me, I always appreciate good imagery and I read interesting ones in your poem.
"It gnaws on my conscience
Like a cat on its prey
It pounces on me..."
I liked this series of lines. Using "gnaw" was very powerful. It already implies the pain and pang of guilt is deep within you. Then you compare it to suddenness or predatoriness of a cat. It creates an immediate situation, where you were unprepared.
There were some vague lines in your poem, however.
"I hate it very much
It promises darkness to me..."
I wish you made the reader feel how much you hate the feeling instead of just telling us. How does it feel to be gnawed at by guilt? I think it would have been interesting if you had described it. The following line hard to picture for me. Maybe replace darkness with a more vivid image like storms?
"The time sees and flies"
I didn't understand what you meant by the time seeing. What does it see? I think you need to clarify this.
Nonetheless, many times when you used imagery, I'd say it was effective. How guilt creates holes and leads you to a pit and how showers don't clean it were really nice. It conveyed your message wonderfully.
Just some typos I'd like to point out:
"It gnaws on my conscience"
- the "i" in conscience has a dash
"It creates big hoes in the ground"
- I think you mean "holes."
"Leaving me ibn a pit to loll"
- I think you mean "in"
That's all! Sorry I couldn't review your other poem, but pretty sure there would be others who would happily do it for you. Again, welcome to YWS!
hi Haraya! thanks for reviewing. well, some things are really vague i can understand. for eg. what i meant by time sees and flies was that people around me and my subconscious knows that im guilty, they see it but cant do anything. so time just passes but guilt doesnt go away. is that clearer?
anyway, thanks a lot:)