Girl Of Imagination

Hey Skydreamer,

This poem. Wow. There is a lot of stuff that is happening in this poem. It's got a quality of rawness, I can tell that the subject is one of an emotional weight and yet it is still balanced by the tone, this matter-of-fact abjection. It's interesting.

The poem tries to hold itself together with its structure. Each stanza starts a new subject that revolves around a concept and begins "I used to be..." -- This is interesting in and of itself, it's the speaker trying to define themselves each time with some kind of vague ideal.

The Freedom stanza.
first stanza begins with a speaker who is likening themselves to freedom, which in this stanza is defined as the ability to sing songs overs over seas, mountains and people. There's the punctuation error. Is the speaker singing over seas, mountains and people? Or is the speaker singing over seas and mountains. Where "And people" -- begins the new sentence? "Now I do not know..." should begin as a new sentence then, or a semi-colon.

So, the reason that I'm picking on grammar is because it's affecting the interpretation of the piece. There's a "then and now" relationship throughout the entire poem, where the "change" is disillusionment. Before, the speaker used to be free. Is the "Now" in that fifth line trying to suggest that the speaker is no longer singing? It's a strange way to phrase it, I almost interpreted it as though the speaker was a mind-reader and before she used to have the power to know what people are hearing/thinking and now she doesn't P: Haha, but the singing/no longer singing seems to make more sense, but it's not as clearly stated and it gets jumbled up a little with the words.

I feel like the first stanza alludes to self-consciousness. Where once the speaker sang freely, now, all of a sudden, the speaker seems to refuse to sing because "they [the audience] want to hear something more than me" Almost like the freedom to sing is all of a sudden being turned into success/failure, where there are high expectations on the part of the audience. Self-consciousness I guess is the word I chose for it, but more apt, is just the sense of fear.



The Reason stanza.

This stanza sort of fuses together some concepts. There's a linking in the beginning with reason and wisdom, I actually find these two things to be very different, but I find it interesting the connection between the two in the poem. Then, when the line about the riding particles - that line seems to be illustrating a concept of knowledge. So this stanza is like reason/wisdom/knowledge as one concept, and then it talks about the speaker's thoughts, not having to think for "them". This stanza doesn't quite have the "then and now" relationship that the first stanza has, but it does have the structure of "speaker" vs them.


The Love stanza

Here, the "then and now" structure comes back. I think in this stanza the speaker is quite literally likening themselves to the concept of love, but it is defined as a very specific concept. Not what love is "now", but what it "used to be" and then illustrated as holding/laughing/joy. Again, there's this "speaker" vs them, where the "other" here is the concept of love that is illustrated simply as kissing on the lips, suggestive of a shallow kind of love.

The Truth stanza
Truth is defined here as not telling lies. I like also how there's the "then and now" structure of this culminates to how the speaker lies to themselves. So far the poem is wrapping up, and by this point, we get a very clear idea of disillusionment. All that time, the speaker has been lying to themselves about who he, or she, really is.

it was transformed
by words, by stares, by tears, by my past

Hi Skydreamer, Amindor here.
This story describes my soul in so many ways, but the difference is that I'm still holding on to a bit of my imagination. That's why were writers, right? I love your poem, and it's very beautiful. I loved the way you used the metaphors and how you used the words. The flow is very smooth and nice, and I don't see any errors. I just love it. I might save it so I can just read it all the time. (That seemed kind of weird. Sorry.) Good job. It's very beautiful. Continue writing!!

And yet they're always telling us to grow up. I love this poem and can't find anything wrong with it, so sorry if this isn't a proper review if it counts as on at all. I love your use of metaphors to describe what you were as a child your complete identity and takes us through to adulthood when that identity changes because we were forced to grow up. This poem show the irony of parents telling their teens not to lie when as children lying to them was not even on our radar. So to end this almost review off, great poem and the irony of it is if you can write this than even in adulthood imagination is not lost it is just dulled. There is still the memory of childhood, the scent wine in an empty bottle.

Hallo! 'Tis I, Lord Retro, for a review!

First off I'll do some nitpicks then talk about what I liked, okay?

You start every stanza with 'I use to be' and it should be I used to be me.

Also, this might be stylistic choice, but every stanza is just one long sentence. Now it made it hard to read in places because I was trying to focus properly but it was just difficult. I'd just have another read and put some in if I was you....unless that was intention then nevermind!

'it meant laughing without stop'

I think it should be stopping

'I taught many how to stay true to life,
make sure to tell the truth,
make sure to never lie, but in the end'

I feel as though you need some they in there. Make sure they tell the truth. Make sure they never like. I think it would make the flow much easier to follow because it doesn't make that much sense right now

I can't see any more nitpick sort of things so onto things that I liked. I think you've got some beautiful ideas here and your imagery and wording in places are incredible. I especially like the second stanza. I think it is beautiful imagery and a well considered idea.

Overall this was a good little read! and with a little work i'm sure it would be absolutely excellent!

Here if you need me!
~Retro

The stanzas say 'use' instead of 'used' - that was the only mistake I found though. Your poetry is heavenly. It has such nice flow and beautiful description and wording. You have a nice way with words and I love the way you write your poem. It's a nice style and has good structure it's not confusing and is easy to read. A beautiful consistent flow that doesn't seem to crack at all. Beautifully written