I originally was thinking of Lyrics, but it turned into a poem.
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I stopped for a second to look outside my window.
I had nothing to see, but I wanted to see what was real though.
Because this life is so deceptive, and I was lost in the haze.
Of all my hopes for better things, all my dreams of better days.
***
I closed my eyes, and I opened my window.
The night was cold, but that’s exactly how felt too.
Because when I can’t understand, I tend to freeze.
Not knowing what to think, what to do, who to be.
In this world of choices, what’s in it for me?
***
I reached out the window, feeling the air around my arms.
It was a nice feeling, holding what wouldn’t cause any harm.
Because in this world, so many things can hurt.
I often find myself wide eyed, and alert.
For I keep trying not to fall down to the dirt.
***
I shut the window, and I opened my eyes.
I was tired of my looking, when it was all lies.
Even if I find the truth, would be what I wanted?
I think the truth, is something that’s too often bended.
***
My window, will open once again.
But I just don’t know when.
Maybe when things finally,
All make sense.
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140,543 Literary Works • 673,415 Reviews
I really loved this. I'm going through a bunch of poems reviewing them and this one stands out from the rest. The style is so clear, mint, fresh. I feel as though when I read this poem that I am experiencing what the narrator is. The repetition of "though" (once in the first stanza and then in the second) distracted me for a second. You could use a different word and then it would be perfect.
Hi! So, this is my first shot at reviewing poetry, so this may not be very good, but I'm going to give it my best shot. Maybe this isn't the best one to start on because there's almost nothing wrong!
The writing in itself quite excellent. (I don't know if that made sense). Next, you use "though" to end two of your sentences, and not that there's anything really wrong with that, I think that you could end it a bit better. It may flow a little better.
So I'd like to start out by saying I really like it!
Well, that's really all I could find! It was a very clean piece! I love your writing! Allons-y!
~SB~
Excellent job! I'll have to do something about those though's. XP I'll think on it. Thank you!! XD
You're welcome!
LOVING THIS!!!
BUT THIS SENTENCE HAD DRAIN MY EXCITEMENT:
"Because when I can’t understand, I tend freeze."
I TEND FREEZE? WHAT'S THAT? I THINK YOU MEANT "I TEND TO FREEZE"
ANYWAY,THIS IS AMAZING!!
Thanks for catching that! XP
*readddddddddds*
Yes I know this is rhymed, but this sentence doesn't flow nice and its sense is off and the ending with 'though' is really strange.
Same for the next stanza when you end in 'though.'
I love the idea of the window and leaning outside and the world that there is verses the world that you want/is made out to be.
Also you have a consistent rhyme scheme
A
A
B
B
but then in some stanzas you put in five lines and an extra B. This is ok for your own work but it is a little curious as to why you did it.
You are a great author and I love writing with you! Lets write!
haha, it was actually an accident, but I just went with it because I already liked the lines. XD