Reminiscing was one of my favorite things. I was ten and there was no danger in doing so. I would remember being held by my momma and being twirled around by my daddy. I would remember the previous Christmas, and the times when I laughed so hard I peed. I would remember the soft handmade curtains, and the books I had to read. I would remember the dancing, the singing, the fighting, but ultimately the living. The way my brother always stole my dolls and traded me candy for them, and the way my sister painted my nails and chatted about Randy and all of them. Those were the days to remember, the days that a ten year old could look back at and smile, or frown, or simply laugh. The days I could tell people about, and the days people cared to listen about. But then. Then it all was about to change. Like the shift in the world that causes earthquakes there was a shift in my family’s world that caused us to split up. It was shaken, broken, destroyed. No more playing, no more toys, no more joking no more mentioning of boys. Everything I had loved ripped from my hands, the soft part of my heart, bruised beyond repair, at least, so it seemed. My brother ran away, my sister gave birth, my father married another and my mother hid pain through mirth. She laughed it away like it mattered not, but it mattered to me and it hurt my soul, but I said nothing to no one, I couldn’t behold. I couldn’t behold what people would say, would think. I didn’t want to know, I didn’t want to think. So I stayed inside, and refused to leave. I could have, I should have I wanted to. But I stayed within. I stayed within me really. I went to school still and did the usual things. I went to sleepovers and had my flings. But I never let my heart out, and barely went out my comfort zone. I didn’t need to go anywhere after all, there was nowhere to go and no one to trust. My heart was sealed, broken and barred. And that is why, that is why I know why the caged dog bites. Those dogs who are guard dogs, who are vicious and seem to have no heart, and who will choose to bite regardless of who it is. Were like me, so I know why they do it, they do it because they don’t want to let anyone in, and they don’t want to get hurt themselves. When they get the chance they need to know they are top dog. They need to know they can never be put down, that they won’t be pushed away. They bite to feel power, to feel confident, to feel strong. Because when they are locked in themselves, locked by the cage, they are being controlled, under power, and useless. They come out only to protect, whether it be themselves or their owner. As for me, my bite did come; I pushed away all love, left my home, but not myself. I stayed within, and made biting comments, slapping people with insults and hiding in my anger. I know, oh, I know why the caged dog bites, I know why I am filled with anger, and now, looking at my hands filled with blood, I wish I had known sooner.
Points: 387
Reviews: 9
Donate