Colors

Heyo, Sky~ I'm going to make this review a quick one; I'm supposed to be in bed at the mo'. >.>

Okay, so before I start off, I will say this: This piece has tons of potential. So if I'm being harsh or brutally honest, you'll know why.

When I first began reading, I thought this was going to be one of those poems that ramble on about the beauty you find around you, telling us what colours surround us and adding in a couple of examples of the pulchritudinous pigmentations that makes life the jolly sail-ship it is. Kind of like 'Color' by Christina Rossetti, but without the rhyme scheme. What I liked about the way you went around describing/giving definitions to the colours, was that instead of picking out solid examples, you touched upon abstract thoughts. You gave emotions colour and then joined them (kinda?) to the well-grounded examples that we see around us. That was a really neat touch, I think, but it felt kind of ... sparse. I don't have any issues with short poetry, because length doesn't matter at all. But it failed to create a connection with me, although it should have, seeing as this is a pretty general and relatable topic as it is. It kind of felt like I was scrolling through a simplified version of a word cloud with the points jotted down, but without elaboration. One of the things that I felt was lacking was the creation of vivid images, that ability to push your reader hard ... to make them think. You stated a ton of thoughts and ideas down with a lack of smooth transition, so it was like jumping from one cliff to another without a slope to walk on. Rather jagged, to be honest.

Nearing the end, your poem has this personal touch, this sudden ringing sense of empowerment. It's you. Throughout the beginning, however, it only feels detached. Kinda monotone, you know? There were some pretty deep lines in here, and instead of being so symmetrical and organised, I'd like to see more of a clash of all these brilliant colours. Think of your poem as the canvas: Right now the strokes are painted hesitantly, with lots of white spaces in between. While your poem may have a lot of organisation, it doesn't really manage to ... convey anything to me--at least, not until the last few lines. Those last few lines spoke to me of individuality, of being your own person and defying the rigid perceptions this world has: of organising and reorganising and labelling everything (and stuffing us in jars afterwards). I also thought it was neat how the last bit was contradicting the rigidity of the rest of the poem; it was ironic. I do think you could make this irony more prevalent, however, instead of showing up as vague.

One thing that really gets the reader interested in what you're writing is imagery. That, of course, and a picture to paint in their heads--which is basically the same thing now that I think about it. We want to get attached to the narrator. We want to see things through their eyes. We want to taste and feel and be inspired. You could really mesh the "I am defined/Colours are defined": "I cannot be defined/Colours mix to form new ones" concept in a brighter, better way. This is a very strong concept, and I like the allegory you've used, only that I think this poem could be executed better--to perfection, or something near it. My suggestions? Re-write this. Play with the idea. See how many different ideas extend from the original. Try going wild with imagery, or making the division between defined/undefined more prominent. Give us a scene to work with, perhaps, from the perspective of the narrator? Take risks. That's my bit of advice.

PM me if you need anything/have any questions! Keep writing; keep up the great work!

Hope this helped.

~Pomp

This is a better way of telling someone what a color is than saying "Oh it's red like a firetruck."

Really nice job! I'm not a poetry expert my any means, but I think it would enhance this poem if you added some kind of metaphor or simile when describing each color... I dunno.
I enjoyed reading this. I love poetry.

Hey there!

I really liked this, I have been doing a bit of research on colour psychology myself.... it's quite an interesting topic.

Colours in general are so fascinating, and I feel like you really captured this well. You did a great job of blending the information and narrative seamlessly together. There is still a good flow and rhythm to the poem.

You did, however, have one typo; where you said "and you can't define those color", I think you meant "and you can't define those colors". Just a little thing.

Overall, I really liked this! It's a really unique poem, and it's very triumphant and happy. I love that. Excellent job!

Pen