Breath of Air

Oh, love is such a very overused subject, truly, truly it really is, and yet I find poems like this one somehow painfully irresistible. Sadly, I'm about to be summoned out of my caveish bedroom to dine with my family, so this review may be lacking in some aspects. For that, I apologize greatly.

Anyway, let's begin this advent, shall we?

First of all, I apologize again, as I'm yet to click on the link you provided as your source of inspiration, and thus I may be to some degree ignorant to the meaning of this work.

Overall, the piece has a bit of a cliche message, but is executed in a very floral, but not verbose means. This is a good trait in writing and thus I praise you for your minimalist style.

The thought of so heavily associating breath with love boggles and fascinates my mind. At first it was a tad unappealing, but as the poem progressed, it became a beautiful concept.


Alas, I must flee, so I bid thee farewell.


Keep writing
xoxo
Kitty Bee

whoops sorry for double posting....

sorry...

Jack here for a short review.

Well I see that everyone else has pointed out something they like and dislike, so I thought I would do the same, and tell you what I thought of your poem Breath of Air. And I really found this poem interesting, but I felt that it needed some work, and some tweaks that could very much improve this poem.

Firstly I understand you said that you purposely didn't make the (i) capitalised, and you said that poetry is a free art, and you can choose what you do with it, and so on. And you pointe out that Many famous writers didn't always capitalize there poems. But if you ask me, it would look better and it would also read so much better if you did in fact capitalize them, that's if you ask me.

and exhaled my own

I don't think that and is really needed, it just makes the poem look slap dash, and it would read so much better if you just made it exhaled my own, and maybe even capitalize Exhaled, or put a comma...

and wrapped my arms

This also didn't need the and, but I still liked the line either way, I felt that it added a nice touch to the poem, so good job on that, and maybe it would be smart if you added that do the below stanza, it would make the story flow so much better.

So overall I found this poem very interesting, but it has the chance for so much more, and with a bit of work you can make this poem, 1: easier to red. 2: more professional. and just overall better, so its a half thumbs and down from me, and that's Jack out!

Jack

Hi there! I'm Crissy. I really like this poem but I do have a few suggestions...

First off, you forgot to capitalize a few of your proper words like "I" And you never capitalized anything else, which sort of threw me off. I know it may seem ridiculous to worry about a small thing like that but trust me, one slight grammatical error could drastically decrease the popularity of your poem.

Second, I would add more punctuation. It does seem like you have more than one sentence going on in the poem so you should group them together and apart with use of periods, commas, etc. Other than that, good job! Keep writing!

Skydreamer

I think this is a unique poem choice. It seems like this would have been a perfect poem to post near veterans day. For all of them guys and gals getting back together after months\years of seeing each other. Well except on maybe Skype. It also touches home for me because my dad was actually in the military right before he met my mother. And as in "right" I mean literally a couple days or about a week,

I didn't see any spelling errors that were visible to me. So great job with that. Although I did see one thing that kind of looked a bit off to me.

"and wrapped my arms

around your neck leaving them there"

The way it went into a new stanza in the middle of the sentence looked a little weird to me. But I am a little nitpicky so it could just be my pickiness.

Great job and a beautiful picture to use as inspiration.

Keep up the great work!!!

Short and very creative writing.
The separation was very well executed and then at last there i think is the happy ending.
Missing someone is tragic and you've ended so well with the line
'You were gone so long, all i could do was breathe you in'
Really loved this line and how you've ended.
Keep up!

I think this is sweet. Defiantly get the sense of he's loved and deeply missed. Touching that they are reunited at last. No words to be spoken between then just touch and them in each others arms was all it took for her to be whole again.