shattered shards of a glass mirror
reflected my agony as the tears
wouldn't stop sliding and the fears
continued to collide with all my memories
of you, and i.
broken pieces somehow describe the
state my heart is in, while i swallow
a bitter pill of reality knowing it is
over and you will never be
with me.
we fought so hard neither of us
won a battle i didn't know we were
fighting, i wish i knew cause i
would have protected myself,
now i can only stare
at our ruins.
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Skydreamer! Scarli here to review your poetry~ <3
Wow. This is so, so bittersweet. Like, really bitter more so than sweet. It's like you had something, but then it was lost and you're so bitter about it, but still, you can't help thinking about it and how it went wrong, or why. Such sad poem. It's very moving. Also, I agree that the hidden message is very obvious. erhaps just italics would have works, but still. That's a very interesting message. It would also make a pretty good line;
I would suggest you try to use this in something, otherwise I might just borrow it!
As for the rest? It all seems very sad and bitter and angry--not just bittersweet. It progresses from sad and angry to sad and bitter to bitter and angry, with this sense of longing--almost like you want something back--the entire time. Before it got ruined, of course. There's also a sense of desperation and depression here, like the narrator is considering the situation and perhaps a solution? I don't know for sure. I could be completely wrong about that.
And that's about all I can say about this. There's a few lines I like, like "shattered shards or a glass mirror" and "broken pieces somehow describe the state my heart is in" and, finally, "now I can only stare at our ruins". I love these lines and the imagery it gives me. <3
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar. <3
I love youuuu <3
Wait.. is "shattered pieces cause our ruins" the hidden message? (the words in bold)
Lol yes XP I realized it's not really hidden, but I figured if I didn't highlight it no one would know. Haha xD
wow, that's some serious encryption xD
This poem is very intriguing and I like that it makes the reader feel the emotions of the writer. You give so many metaphors and images that the reader can think of to apply to how the poet is feeling.
SHATTERED SHARDS which makes me think of pieces so small that they can never be fixed.
BROKEN PIECES once again playing to the fact that you can't seem to ever be healed because of how much hurt there is.
I don't quite understand the part where you both are fighting but no one is winning a battle because you don't know that you are fighting? It's confusing to me, but it definitely is something to intrigue me with.
Only a few corrections. First of all where are all of your punctuations? The first paragraph flows as one sentence, but with the last paragraph it seems that you just through the thought of periods or even commas out the door.
It should be: "We fought so hard. Neither of us won a battle. I didn't know we were fighting. I wish I knew BECAUSE I would have protected myself. Now I can only stare at our ruins."
Also it should be BECAUSE, not cause. And words like "I" and the starts of each paragraph should be capitalized.
X) I had to learn too that capitalization in poetry is a stylistic choice. My punctuation was also a stylistic choice. Thanks for the review though! X)
A very tragic but interesting and intriguing poem. I like at the end how our ruins are in italics. It is really different but awesome. The fact that it is tortured makes it awesome! I really like these kind of poems. I will be looking for more or your poems. Don't give up and keep on writing!
-Unknown391625
Thank you!
This is a different poem for sure. The fact that the "hidden" message wasn't hidden very well was kind of interesting. I see it as letting the reader know, everyone can clearly see that shattered pieces cause our ruins, but at the same time, others think that it will always be "hidden" within them. Maybe I'm just overcomplicating things, but thats how I see it. Awesome poem, Sky
~The dark one
I'm guessing this was a glitch? If not I suggest you delete this right now or something because it's not right if it's just to get more points.
That's never happened before, honestly. Also I only posted one review. Hopefully that doesn't happen again.
Oopsies I see this is totes a glitch! Sorry, it's just that I've seen people abuse the system before, and the way it was set up it was like you copied and pasted my work. Anyways, no worries I hope it won't happen again either. ^^
This is a different poem for sure. The fact that the "hidden" message wasn't hidden very well was kind of interesting. I see it as letting the reader know, everyone can clearly see that shattered pieces cause our ruins, but at the same time, others think that it will always be "hidden" within them. Maybe I'm just overcomplicating things, but thats how I see it. Awesome poem, Sky
~The dark one
Thank you!