Rain is ever-changing in the way it’s the same. Every time it rains the rain comes down hard and soft. Full and thin.
It’s hard not to think about the wind when it rains, the wind is like the rains breath breathing onto you.
The rain pulls out and chases in. The rain pours down and drips in. The rain can be felt and dreamed.
Rain is a beginning and an end. The rain is like a freedom song, if you listen to its voice.
What’s different when it rains? The world stays the same. Somehow as the droplets drop, as the current flows, as the sound of thunder stops, as the raging grows, somehow that’s when everything’s the same, and somehow everyone knows.
The rain does not pick a favorite; it does not choose only one spot. It rains equally on every-side, giving everyone its thoughts.
What’s different when it rains? The world stays the same.
Somehow as the lightning scares and as the darkness swarms, somehow as the bullets fall onto floors and arms, somehow it depicts a mood and somehow it empowers some and tells them they are strong.
Somehow as all this happens, the rain goes on.
Everybody can feel the rain, everybody feels rain the same. Everybody gets soaked by rain.
And if one dares to feel the joy of leaping out into the world that’s dripping wet with brightening rain, to dance and sing and play and gain, they all would feel that sudden joy—of dancing in the rain.
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140,543 Literary Works • 673,415 Reviews
Hi WritersDream!
Well, this poem did put a smile on my face. I was really great to see rain put in this way. And I loved how you concluded with the feeling of dancing in the rain. It was a nice way to end the poem.
But when I first glanced at this piece, I didn't like the way it was laid out. Maybe there is a better way to break it into stanzas so that the lines don't appear so long?
But apart from that I really liked it
Deanie x
(First detail caught, before even reading the whole thing - prose poetry!)
Ah, I see you've tried rhyming. Not a big fan... for one, it's hard to follow the rhyme while reading, what with the lack of 'poetic' line separation, so one only realizes it after the fact. This causes the reader to go back, or at the very least to break the flow in the realization. I see that you try to normalize the patterns with punctuation, but that only stunts flow anywhere the pattern breaks. So, perhaps save the rhyme for a few choice places (this would also reduce the amount of repeated, mostly simple rhymes).
I think I would like this better if it was a bit more unexpected; by that I mean the train of thought to be remarkably narrow. All rain, nothing but the rain and its direct relations. This seems silently to want to be stream-of-consciousness, and I don't think any mind would so calmly and for such a prolonged period think solely on the rain with nary a branching path.
Also, if this is truly meant to be stream-of-consciousness, vary the sentences! Don't finish them! Leave clauses dangling - as long as some sense can be made of it all, it can work, and even sometimes if sense is not to be had. Then again, perhaps I have just been spoiled by some lovely stream-of-consciousness writing beforehand and you should just ignore me, haha.
All that aside, I do like the thoughts; the rain justly deserved this piece. Now get your best editing skills out and turn this into the rainy masterwork it wants to be! Keep writing, good things will happen, or so I hear. =]