How the other half lives

Criticism first so I can rant.
But first I have to rant, because its unbearable to nitpick while holding this in. I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!!!
Wait....almost done.
I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, done. For now.
Nitpicks....
Good flow, but a little off at parts. Rhyming was inconsistent, but it doesn't always have to be consistent, and I kind of like it that way, as strange as that might sounds. It's a little repetitive, but most words kept me itching for more. Am I done? It doesn't matter. I can't hold back the rant anymore.
I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The ending is my favorite part, as in not just the last 2 lines, but the ending from this line and beyond.
The truth is, I believe acknowledgement is the seed.


We must know what we can’t see.

We must find what we must heed.


The truth is that death is real,
It’s evils destroy all good fruits.
The truth is all we need to do,
is keep on cracking the thin glass wall.


Till it falls.
Till it falls.

However, small suggested edit here; for the first line, I'd say get rid of either the truth is, or I believe. The whole poem didn't revolve around what you believed, but a more general, bigger point of view/concept. I highly suggest editing that line in some way to not make it suddenly shift to your opinion.
Overall rating: 8.5/10.
LOVED IT!!!! Keep writing!
+1

Hey there! Here to review some for you since you did so many reviews for me! I hope I can be as helpful and at least somewhat encouraging. I'm always worried I'll end up sounding really mean when I review. :/

With that said, I love the topic you chose here. I think it is extremely important to realize that there is this glass wall that should come down. (Yeah, sidenote, I like the image of an actual wall, but I like that you have a glass wall that you can see through if you want to, just so many people don't.)

I think it's hard to write this topic without sounding to cliché. It's easy to fall into the same old thing. Which, I think you did an alright job of staying away from that, and the glass wall certainly helped, but I think maybe you could still do better.

To begin with, I think you could find a more creative title. "How the other half lives" is certainly cliché and too obvious. I like to read the title and not entirely be sure what I'll be reading about. But this gives away the theme almost like a slap in the face.

On to the first sentence. I think you must have just had a typo, but I am not sure what that line is supposed to be. It didn't make sense to me, and it didn't provide very strong encouragement to keep reading.

After that things got better though, so if you could find a way to make that first sentence sound more inviting it would help the whole poem sound a lot better.

Also, I really like when you compared money to unsettling rain. Unsettling was a great word to use there, and I love how you show that money isn't bad, like rain isn't bad, but too much of both can end in death, or at least in bad consequences. That was really neat.

I think my biggest advice would be for you to find your voice more clearly. This sounded a little bit forced, like you were trying a little too hard to sound a specific way, instead of just writing with your voice and your emotions in your style. Don't ever fall into thinking that a poem needs to sound a specific "fancy" way because it's a poem. Poetry can be whatever you want it to be, and it can sound like you. It doesn't need to have the feel which I thought you were trying (a little too hard) to achieve.

I hope this helps, and overall I did really like this. If there's any other piece that's more recent or that you want reviews for, please stop by my wall and send me the link. I would love to read more of your stuff!

At the beginning I feel like you could have turned all those tray lines into a stanza within itself.

Through the world’s pain is the same.
Some lose and some gain.
For there is something dividing the world,
a thin sheet of glass.

Cherished truth is shaken out,

when the only thing one see’s is drought.

Nice job, a very nice piece altogether. I really enjoy that you chose to portray this side of humanity. However, the title doesn't allude as much to this piece as it could (perhaps something about the glass wall?). Your imagery was really incredible, however, and your rhyming was sporadic but well planned out. Nice job, a little punctuation/grammar, but a REALLY good poem overall. I'll look forward to reading your other stuff.

I like this! It is a truly beautiful representation of the concept of the division between rich and poor. Granted, the structure was kinda funky and went from end rhyme to internal rhyme to no rhyme at all and it was a bit confusing in parts. That being said, your word choice is fantastic and I did really like it!

Barnyard Reviews: A Review For You ("How the other half lives" by Dreamy)

While reading the poem "How the other half lives," I was constantly thinking of the collection of photos and words by the same name which, release more than a hundred years ago, depicted the poverty of the immigrant working class in progressive America. And I think the detached, yet feeling tone of the piece greatly conveys the spirit of its message. You could imagine viewing the destitution through a consta-moving plane of wet glass as your vehicle drives through the slums of the world, you could imagine sitting in a lawn chair, listening to a homeless street performer for hours, never dipping a cent into their open guitar case.

The thing that struck me most as I read this was not the well-placed and well-proportioned discipline in its description, but the highly musical structure. As I read, my inner voice was rapping. And although I am not a rap connoisseur, I do believe that this would be very well expressed in this medium. The managerial, yet empathetic, the hard questioning, yet understanding context of the piece greatly accentuates this impression.

As for the rest, its history. All it asks for is acknowledgement at the end, and I think that is the deepest part of it, our refusal to recognize what it is like for the other half. Written by one who is not a United States citizen, the work speaks to us Americans strongly. We sometimes forget that although it may seem bad here, there is always someone who has it worse than us, and I think that that definitely needs to be recognized before any successful generous or revolutionary progress can be shed from our working, well-fed muscles.

If I were to meet the author of this moving piece, I would congratulate her and ask her to marry me not fo reals, and then we would embrace. Then she would rap this out loud, and I would beat box and do backing vocals for a non-existant chorus.

10/10

Oh my gosh I absolutely loved this it really tells you about both the rich and poor sides of this world, I got confused a little here and there. So maybe fix the way you use a certain line or two with the another word to help the reader better understand it, please. Otherwise I loved it you could really tell what you were trying to get he reader to understand, the poem pretty much shouted it out at you while you read it. "Make the move to break the glass, or walk away, blind to the bottom!" Oooh I just loved it, keep this up, wonderful work right here!!
-Dem