​Pitter Patter

hello, it's monsters.

First of all; things like drops, pitter patter, clocks ticking away the time you have left, ect. make me not want to read the poem. It feels more like this poem has been manufactured from a poetry company; like you grabbed the cliches and mismatched them until they fit together all nice like; it unemotional and just plain wrong. I'm sorry but it just is and i'm being as honest as possible here; if your going to use a drip then twist it until it's yours. It's the only way for me to feel empathy or to connect to you in some way. It's numb sounding, colorless and it's not working for you.

The two parts were you could have added some originality were completely ignored. One being your story (i.e. what made you think it was all over) and two the way you seen the drip (i.e. make the drip unique to you; search for words to describe the impact and it's image). This is poetry; it's not about how we see things, its about how you see things. Another thought on the drip; it seems as if the drip is the main focus and that's bad because it's not about the drip; it's about you and what the drip makes you feel like. The drip should enhance your meaning and it does; but most of the content should be specifically about you instead of the drip.

Anyways, the metaphors are spot on and almost perfect; but that's only a start; you need to develop this a little more for me to actually like the whole thing.

Hello!

Absolutely brilliant!

I love this and it is so deep and It reminds of me so much.

The sound they make,
reminds me of a clock
ticking away the time I have left,

to make it right again.

That was beautiful! I can imagine a women dropping to her knees while the rain is pouring. It's very deep because of the last sentence:
"The sound they make reminds me of a clock, ticking away the time I have left to make it right again."

I can honestly say; I know what that feels like. Is this poem about love, but than rereading it over to myself it seems more like 'walls built around yourself' type of poem.
But other than that, this was really good and beautiful and short

Hey, Retro here for a review

First of i'll do nitpicks, then talk about what I liked, okay?

'they fall like I did
to the ground'

The to the ground here feels a bit clunky, so i'd perhaps suggest a change of sentence order. Perhaps, they fall to the ground like I did.

'They disappear,'

i'm pretty sure you don't need a comma here

In terms of grammar and stuff I can't see anything else but I have another sort of nitpick It is just that it seems a bit too short. I myself am one for letting a lot to be left to the readers own imagination but I feel as though yours is a bit lacking in the oomf to point us in any sort of direction. Maybe a stanza or so just to give us a tiny bit more, however, that might just be me, others might find it perfect so don't change if you don't want to

Onto what I liked. Well I think you use similies well and you have very nice imagery. And I think the basis of your idea is a good one, and interesting one. You draw comparisons well, I just feel as though I want more of them, i'm greedy, sorry!

But overall this isn't a bad poem at all
Keep writing,
here if you need me!
~Retro