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Nice lyrics, they were sweet. However especially from a musical perspective your chorus is highly;y undeveloped. In a song the chorus is what makes or breaks it. It is the catchy tune that you know the song when you hear it. It is the epic core of the music. You have simply repeated two lines over and over for your chorus. I feel that this slightly ruined for me. You need to go back and think about it, sing it to yourself. Is a listener going to get bored hearing you sing that over and over? Personally I cant stand repetitive songs.
Have a nice day.
I have made a recording of it Blackie! XD I know how it sounds. The lyrics actually came to me with a tune immediately, so while I understand and accept your views, I think I'm pretty set with my song. If you'd like to listen to it I'd love you too! XD And thank you!
I really like this, it would sound so pretty as an actual song, I bet. Great job!
Hi! thewritersdream..
The mood is light and calm. Thus, i enjoyed reading it. I find it cute.
In every darkness, the light will come and more than what we could imagine. Just like in life.. Sorrows came but we appreciate happiness even more when it arrives. It is our choice to be happy as they or as we say..
Keep going..
ll
U
This piece of music is good, the lyrics fit into what sunrise means, but what about the music? Is it a slow ballad like the sun rising, is it a smooth flowing river piece? What I hear when I read it is the crescendo of the chorus. It starts off small, alone, and raises up to bring this piece to a high chi,e, and then drops right back down again. Now personally, I could see this with an acoustic guitar or as a more loving lounge piece. A saxophone with a piano and a singer, maybe a clarinet. I played for 7 years and the tune I get to this piece is smooth and flowing. I hope this helps.
Thank you! Yeah, I completely get what you mean. I was also thinking though of a sort of modern folk, like with a slight (scottish) accent or something
. Very melodic. I didn't originally think of guitar, but now that I think of it, it would be great, piano I already thought, and saxophone would be lovely! It would add a sense of jazz. I have actually made a recording of what I am hoping the tune would sound like (subject to some change) and I have a friend who plays the piano who is willing to try to play a tune for the song, since I don't know how to play instruments and therefore could not give him notes, he had to hear from a recording of me. But he said it was pretty good, and he's pretty honest. So, anyways, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind the slight challenge of also taking a look into it. I don't know what it will abound to but it would be a great project. 
If not that's fine, I loved your ideas, thanks!
Hi Dream. I am Skye and I happen to love your song! It really gives a clear picture and fills me with a wonderful feeling. The whole song is just drenched in hope, but the last part is a bit rebellious which I like.
There are a couple tiny little issues, not even issues.. glitches maybe.
First off I think you could have separated the verses and chorus a bit better. You did this very well in the first verse and then you sort of let the structure go from there.
Chorus- I think you should have separated it better so that it would be less confusing, especially if you were trying to sing it. I think you should have phrased it a bit more like this:
So let's wait in the sunshine,
Let's lift up our cries.... etc
Notice I changed "lets" to "let's", this is grammatically correct. However you could also make it: " So let's wait in the sunshine,
it lets us lift up our cries"
Of course this would change the meaning. But it does fit in nicely.
The second verse was also phrase quite nicely apart from the longer bits toward the ends. I think you should be able to lob this off and make it the bridge. But Even so I think each line is a bit too long, but there seem to be parts where you could separate, this shouldn't be too hard and it will make your lyrics seem much cleaner.
Now for the lyrics . I really like this part because, as I said it seems a bit more rebellious. But I also think that it could be a tad confusing.
" Eyes have wrinkled from times of the past" - "Eyes have wrinkled at times in the past"
Otherwise, I love this song and I can hear it being sung in a Florence +The Machines way. It really is beautiful and I enjoyed reading it. xxx Skye
Thank you so much!
I hope a singer/artist could really sing it. I made some changes, but Eyes have wrinkled from times of the past means, because of the past the eyes wrinkled, so I am not sure if your suggestion works. But I will keep thinking on it! Glad you like it!
Ok I see the changes now and I think it makes it a lot clearer. I specialise in lyrics myself so I love to review them and give as much help as I can. I'm sure this would sound great sung, so see if you can come up with a melody if you haven't already got one. And yes, I really liked it!
Thanks
You'll be one of the first to hear the completed thing, if everything works out!