Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
"Dammit Dummy! It's been the better part of three hours and you still can't get it right?
So maybe if I put a little English into it you'll get my drift? OK! Here goes!
You can take your freakin, fat, good-fer-nuffin, lazy foot off the gas pedal and slow down, retard!
Aha!
Now your getting it! That’s it!
Now make sure to signal after ya stop for the light and make a right turn.
Careful with the old lady with the groceries crossing the street, dunce! Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that once that age you don’t know where you are, where you’ve been, or where you are going sometimes. It’s called dementia, loggerhead. Ma mom came down with it just recently and she’s a total wreck, numbskull.
There goes the green light now, moron, are you blind?
Now just see if ya can manage to signal without yanking the signal-light handle clear off the steering like you did last time, imbecile.
Good!
Good!
Now park the car over thire next to that hot-dawg vending-kiosk, sheee-it for brains.
Easy on the gas pedal, simpleton, ya don’t gwanna plow into the fence up ahead and land in that fat lady’s back-yard swimming pool, fool.
That’s it!
That’s it!
Just esssssase her in nice and gentile without killing that cat on the curb like you killed that dawg last time we practiced, wacko!
Now turn the ignition key off, kick in the emergency brake, and let’s have lunch, nut case.
OK?
Knucklehead?
There!
All set!
Wow!
That sure was a hard practice simulation! Did I pass the driver-instructor test teach?”
---------------------------------
BTW
I don't treat people this way nor am not recommending that people be treated this way. This is a persona.
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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Hey, it's me again!
xD I don't even know what to say. This was rather amusing. I'm just going to praise God for not giving me a driving instructor like this. I did terribly, anyway, and I'd probably have passed out or something if someone talked to me that way. :p
Just a few points to make:
I'm not sure how it is where you're from, but my driving lessons didn't go a minute past two hours (hallelujah), and I think I would have probably died if it had been three. Seems awfully long to me. >.<
1. If you try to pronounce that "ease" it sounds weird, considering there's an "s" immediately after the "e".
2. The speaker says "last time we practiced" though at the end of this we find out it was just a simulation. ?? So, was Speaker just saying that to sound... driver-instructorish?
By the way, I like that ending! xD
Typically, I'm not always a fan of just dialogue for a story, but looking at this one, I don't see how else it would be effective. Unless you maybe mentioned some actions of the speaker (i.e. wiping his brow, leaping up in his seat, etc.) to dramatize this more.
I do believe that is all I have to say for now!
Keep up the writing, and have a great day.
~rosette
Hi Radrook!
As someone who has made some embarrassing oopsies in driver's ed and also some embarrassing accidents (I may have crashed into a pole once...), I thought this piece would be entertaining to read. And I was not wrong! I enjoyed the humorous twist at the end; it was all a simulation and not real-life even through the barrage of insults and mess-ups. Hah!
I do have a couple of suggestions, though. At first, I was a bit confused that the entire piece is all one person. For whatever reason, I was under the impression that this is a conversation and that each new line is the exchange of dialogue. Once I realized that it was the same meanie driving instructor, I had to start from the beginning to understand it better. Perhaps making this more clear could alleviate the confusion.
Adding some action (i.e. not dialogue) into this piece could also certainly help with visuals, though I understand that the dialogue seems to be the style of the piece. Still, it would be nice.
Lastly, I don't think the 18+ rating best fits with the piece. Besides the words "dammit" and "retard," all the other insult words could really be used in a PG movie. I think 12+ is the best rating, or 16+ if you think it is for more mature audiences. There are not any super foul adult words in this piece for it to be rated for adults only. But this is your piece, so you are free to do whatever you want. Though if you want more a wider audience, then perhaps a rating change is needed. Just a suggestion!
I hope this helps! It certainly gave me a good chuckle.
Cheres,
Carina
Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated. Maybe if I rearrange the lines in the intro it will reduce the likelihood of confusion. Yes, I know that the language is't that bad, but I was recently told to raise the age on another post and I guess I overcompensated a bit. Thanks for the help. I will see if I can find a way to change the rating.