Young Writers Society

This poem does an amazing job at drawing the reader in.

The woman holds this certain enigma to the reader, which I think allows them to create their own image of this moment, and the amount of love and desperation that the speaker has for her.

Overall, I’m not one for poetry but this holds to a very Edgar Allan Poe style poem of how love is a passing thing, and I really really like that it’s able to not be overly cliche. If anything, it leaves me wanting more.

Good job!!

Hello! This poem is absolutely breath taking! I can't stop reading it because its just so sweet and relate able.

In the first part,
"She stands motionless on the black volcanic sand
fearlessly facing the boisterous surge of the emerald sea."
You really get a lot of imagery from those words. So, because of that it's very easy to imagine the whole cenario.

Next,
"Gusts of salt-laden wind tussle her golden hair,
billowing her long, lavender silk garment
against her young, smooth, taut white skin."
In this part I got a full image of what the true subject of this poem is about. It clearly describes that the man, or teller of the story, is deeply in love with this woman. The man cleanly values her a lot. Also, I got the feeling that in a way these are the thoughts of the man as he watches her from afar.

Then,
"High above, the clouds roil red and purple
as in the far distance, the horizon suddenly darkens
and a growing wall of sea hisses and rumbles towards the shore.
Again, a great description of the scenery. Also, I feel like the fact that you made the sea be more aggressive helps to magnify and portray the mans feelings toward the woman. By describing a beautiful sunset you created a slow and touching feeling of an ending that is soon to come just like the end of the day.

Last of all,
"Oh if only I could hold her hand just once
before she is gone forevermore."
I think that these two simple lines conclude not only this poem but all of the emotions as well. You also gave yourself enough space for a nice fulfilling ending that ended up not being just an ending but also a climax to the mans feelings.

Over all, I think you did a wonderful job on this poem.

"She stands motionless on the black volcanic sand

fearlessly facing the boisterous surge of the emerald sea."

The narrative start hooked me in, quite an imagery for the the waves! Strong imagination, effortlessly you give the picture with beautiful words. The lines below describes the admiration of the woman with passion, it has added life to it. I like these much, coz' of the pic i get in my mind. she seems beautiful.

"Gusts of salt-laden wind tussle her golden hair,

billowing her long, lavender silk garment

against her young, smooth, taut white skin."


"High above, the clouds roil red and purple

as in the far distance, the horizon suddenly darkens

and a growing wall of sea hisses and rumbles towards the shore."

So nice, especially the twist in the second line, like the tone of it, don't know why. This line describes the happenings there, which I understand the obstacles to meet the ends with her.

"Oh If only I could hold her hand just once

before she is gone forevermore."


So touching is this line, it has an perturbed voice. It is the highlight to the poem.

I like your style of writing, it has more imagery, powerful vocabs, intense emotion.

The reader happens to connect with it easily and enjoys it.

Keep writing.

This piece was great.

Hey there, Wendy here to review your work!

Even with the first sentence, I feel drawn to read the rest of this short but interesting piece. Your choice of words is very mature, which makes your work look good for older or certain types of audiences.

"billowing her long, flowing, white silk garment against her young, smooth, taut white skin."

At this point, though these words are very descriptive and give me a good idea of what this girl looks like, the way the sentence is worded is a bit awkward. Using an em dash could help, or just using the word "and". For example: "billowing her long and flowing white silk. . . etc."

In the third paragraph, I'm not sure if "roil" is a word, but that might just be a typo? I make them all the time :p. (If it isn't, sorry my bad)

Otherwise, this is cute and I'd want to see more!