Rubber on asphalt thrums while insects hum,
swirl and hurl themselves against the windshield
in some macabre urge to die.
Road-kill every five miles or so.
Raccoons, rats, ravens and an occasional deer.
A darkening sky above a light-domed city.
The somber, brooding foliage fringes my road
without expected pity.
I wish I had you here.
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140,182 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. It makes me think of when I'm driving down a country road at night. You also, showed very good visuals in the descriptions. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for the review Much appreciated.
Hello, Radrook! Let's dive into the review!
From the start I could tell right away that you knew what you were writing about -- you definitely planned this well (but not too much). Your use of imagery and words really came to your advantage. I admire your well thought out work!
Not sure about this line; the use of words definitely failed to appeal to the audience. The issue you was, is that "urge to die" didn't seem correct. It was kind of awkward and didn't fit well with the rest of the poem. Do they really have an urge to die? Or is that actually just to set some sort of theme? If you want to portray a theme better, make sure it can metaphorically work. Flies having an urge to die is... strange.
"my" road? Perhaps change this to "the" road. I get the urge to show the possession, though "the" makes more sense.
Although your use of imagery was wonderful, you have the potential to expand this even more! Make one line for each animal, seeing as this one simple line is quite boring!
Now, if I were being super picky, you could match the last line with the title of this poem. That then will sum this poem up quickly.
I absolutely adore the mood of this poem. It's nice and constant, and sets the theme perfectly. Even though it's short the quality is high. Overall, though, I enjoyed this poem! I tried to dissect this quite thoroughly, but let me know if anything doesn't make sense. Feel free to ask me any questions.
Thanx for the review.
I prefer to keep it as is.
Legacy here for a review.
This poem really hit me hard, good job (it takes a bit for me to get like that). I could really see your scene even though your poem was short. You had good word choice with some good vocabulary (makes my brain happy). I know the feeling of being lonely and you display it in a way that isn't exactly saying you are lonely but we can tell that you are in a subtle way. Good job. I personally don't think you need to change this in any way, I think it is perfect.
Thanks for the review
My trip to Florida was all the way along the USA East Coast on rout 95 South starting from Massachusetts. It was only when I got to Florida that the insects began splattering on my windshield if I went beyond a certain speed and the road kill started to catch my attention. I wondered why the insects wouldn't just swerve out of the was since they had plenty of time to see my approach. Towns in the distance were detectable by the light they glared into the atmosphere. The everglades on both sides was oppressive. The thrumming of the wheels offered the only consolation that I was getting near to my destination-Miami.