The green wallpaper with red little flowers,
I counted them for hours.
How could time pass so agonizingly slow?
The sound of a bathroom shower in the narrow hallway,
as she bathed and I prayed.
The sibilant whisper of lovers physically entwined
across the paper-thin walls.
My cot separated only by inches as they dined,
Words and caresses and moans sublime.
Groans and movement of sheets;
“I love you! I love you too!” they repeated,
As I retreated into endless verses of don’ts.
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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
Hello! I really liked this poem. I loved the imagery and the emotions presented in it.
My interpretation:
A person is staying at a hotel, or someone's house and is sleeping over. In the room over, some couple is having (raises eyebrow) some adult fun time. The person is dealing with some terrible things and is praying that they won't/didn't happen, while they can't help but listen through the thin walls to the lovers having their (raises eyebrow again) adult fun time.
Suggestions:
I really love all the words in this poem. The only major suggestion I have is with the punctuation.
You don't have to have a period at the end of every line. In fact, adding some commas might help increase the whole flow of the poem. Here's what I would do (in my biased opinion):
"The green wallpaper with red little flowers,
I counted them for hours.
How could time pass so agonizingly slow?
The sound of a bathroom shower in the narrow hallway. (I would change the period to a comma)
as she bathed and I prayed.
The sibilant whisper of lovers physically entwined
across the paper-thin walls.
My cot separated only by inches as they dined. (I would change to a comma)
Words and caresses and moans sublime. (I would end with a comma)
Groans and movement of sheets. (I would end with a semi-colon ; )
“I love you! I love you too!” they repeated. (I would end this with a comma)
As I retreated into endless verses of don’ts."
My favorite lines! This was a shortie so my favorite lines ended up taking up half the poem, but I'll cut it down to my favorite-favorites.
"The sibilant whisper of lovers physically entwined
across the paper-thin walls.
My cot separated only by inches as they dined.
Words and caresses and moans sublime."
This middle section was my favorite. The imagery was very good. Nice job!
Overall, I really liked this poem. It packed a lot of imagery, and I enjoyed the ending. Keep writing!
ella
Thanks for the review very encouraging review. I will seriously consider the comma suggestions. You are right, I was staying in a small rented room. It was in New York City many years ago. The toilet and bathing room was in the hallway. Yes, I did hear single females were joyfully bathing in the distance. The walls were indeed papered in green with small red flowers. I was friendless without family and alone. Yes, I was counting those flowers. Yes, there was a couple in the room next to mine, whether married or not, I don%u2019t know, whose amorous expression I heard across that infernal wall. Yes, I was restricted in options due to the %u201Cdo-nots%u201D of the Bible.
Corrected version:
The green wallpaper with red little flowers,
I counted them for hours.
How could time pass so agonizingly slow?
The sound of a bathroom shower in the narrow hallway,
as she bathed and I prayed.
The sibilant whisper of lovers physically entwined
across the paper-thin walls.
My cot separated only by inches as they dined,
words and caresses and moans sublime,
groans and movement of sheets;
%u201CI love you! I love you too!%u201D they repeated,
as I retreated into endless verses of don%u2019ts."
I love it! I'm glad to have actually contributed to the poem. That's an interesting story to derive a poem from, but it has like that feel of staying in a hotel and being awake at 2:00 AM (Did that make sense? Probably not). Anyways, I love the poem and I'm really happy to have helped!
Thanks for contributing. Yes, it makes sense since the poem isn't specific about the exact nature of the residence. Also, I did remain awake into the night because of all the tension caused by my loneliness and finding no way to resolve it at the time because of the strict moral principles I was trying to live by. You got the sense of it about the loneliness and that is what I was intending.
Thanks for contributing. Yes, it makes sense since the poem isn't specific about the exact nature of the residence. Also, I did remain awake into the night because of all the tension caused by my loneliness and finding no way to resolve it at the time because of the strict moral principles I was trying to live by. You got the sense of it about the loneliness and that is what I was intending.
Hey,
I love this poem, I can really identify with the speaker when they say "I retreated into endless verses of don'ts". It's my favourite line.
Thanks for the review. It is based on a literal, very lonely period of my life when the don'ts had created so many barriers that I was left with very limited options.
Yeah, I know that feeling, and you portrayed it very well in your poem. And I'm glad that has passed and you've been able to see past the 'donts'. Im looking forward to reading more of your work!
Wow! Your poem is so meaningful
Thanks for the compliment. Sometimes each reader gets a different meaning from the poem. What was the meaning he you got from it? Just curious. Knowing helps me as a writer too.
Personally, I loved your choice of words and the message itself. I believe it revolves around the concept of time and its connection to love as well. Just continue to write more
Great job!
Hi. This is Kman. I am here to review your work.
Einstein once said that time was merely relative, and that the distinction of the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
the way time slows down around the two lovers caught in their own merriment expresses my reference above for the love they share, the world stands still around them. the symbolisms and metaphors connected pretty well till the end and it shows how time doesn't wait for love.
"The green wallpaper with red little flowers,
I counted them for hours.
How could time pass so agonizingly slow?"
the beginning of it reminds me of the beginning of a Christmas poem. this is mainly because red and green are the traditional colors of the winter solstice.
Anyways, this is a pretty good poem. i hope to read more of your work soon.
Thanks for the review
True about time being perceived differently during different activities.