Young Writers Society

Hello! I really liked this poem. I loved the imagery and the emotions presented in it.

My interpretation:
A person is staying at a hotel, or someone's house and is sleeping over. In the room over, some couple is having (raises eyebrow) some adult fun time. The person is dealing with some terrible things and is praying that they won't/didn't happen, while they can't help but listen through the thin walls to the lovers having their (raises eyebrow again) adult fun time.

Suggestions:

I really love all the words in this poem. The only major suggestion I have is with the punctuation.
You don't have to have a period at the end of every line. In fact, adding some commas might help increase the whole flow of the poem. Here's what I would do (in my biased opinion):

"The green wallpaper with red little flowers,

I counted them for hours.

How could time pass so agonizingly slow?

The sound of a bathroom shower in the narrow hallway. (I would change the period to a comma)

as she bathed and I prayed.

The sibilant whisper of lovers physically entwined

across the paper-thin walls.

My cot separated only by inches as they dined. (I would change to a comma)

Words and caresses and moans sublime. (I would end with a comma)

Groans and movement of sheets. (I would end with a semi-colon ; )

“I love you! I love you too!” they repeated. (I would end this with a comma)

As I retreated into endless verses of don’ts."

My favorite lines! This was a shortie so my favorite lines ended up taking up half the poem, but I'll cut it down to my favorite-favorites.

"The sibilant whisper of lovers physically entwined

across the paper-thin walls.

My cot separated only by inches as they dined.

Words and caresses and moans sublime."

This middle section was my favorite. The imagery was very good. Nice job!

Overall, I really liked this poem. It packed a lot of imagery, and I enjoyed the ending. Keep writing!

ella

Hey,
I love this poem, I can really identify with the speaker when they say "I retreated into endless verses of don'ts". It's my favourite line.

Wow! Your poem is so meaningful

Hi. This is Kman. I am here to review your work.

Einstein once said that time was merely relative, and that the distinction of the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

the way time slows down around the two lovers caught in their own merriment expresses my reference above for the love they share, the world stands still around them. the symbolisms and metaphors connected pretty well till the end and it shows how time doesn't wait for love.

"The green wallpaper with red little flowers,

I counted them for hours.

How could time pass so agonizingly slow?"

the beginning of it reminds me of the beginning of a Christmas poem. this is mainly because red and green are the traditional colors of the winter solstice.

Anyways, this is a pretty good poem. i hope to read more of your work soon.