I drank the potion.
Ants resembled elephants.
Blades of grass appeared as trees.
Bees became like eagles,
grains of sand like boulders
and then like mountains
I attempted to scale but failed.
-
Burgeoning molecules frothed
and expanded into millions of skies,
atoms into miniature solar systems.
Electrons became planets in orbit
round their sun-like nucleus.
-
Encircled by quarks and
entangled in cosmic strings,
I continued my downward spiral
until I emerged perched
atop one of your gargantuan eyelashes
drenched and dreaming
submerged in glittering
oceans of ever-expanding tears.
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140,182 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
I really loved how this poem brought out your inner intellectual. You wrote all about quarks, electrons, and solar systems, while using sophisticated vocabulary such as "burgeoning." I was very impressed by your use of these terms, but I really shouldn't be, since you are a very smart and inspirational person.
Now, let's start discussing the meaning behind your poem. I wasn't sure at first what this poem was about, but it didn't take me a lot of time to realize that the potion was symbolic of some kind of greater knowledge or understanding. Perhaps this was your baptism that opened the doors of understanding to you as a Christian? I am not sure of what this means, and I don't think my brain is ready to understand this right now. Please comment what the meaning is so that I can understand the epiphany behind this quintessential piece.
That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!
~ZeldaIsShiek
Thanks for there review and the very encouraging words Zelda. Very often as poets we write and the things that we write can indeed be interpreted in many-different ways. When I wrote it I was just trying to illustrate an idea that Carl Sagan and others have proposed. That our universe is just a tiny part of a larger reality just like atoms and and electrons are a smaller part of ours.
That's what I always thought as a kid. I thought that we were just small parts of large parts and that it was an infinite cycle of big things actually being small, and small things being massive to other lifeforms.
This was amazing! I felt like you were trying to say the speaker had drank this potion that made him shrink into something so small it can't even be described as small. As I read it, I almost felt like the potion that made the speaker shrink was like Alice in Wonderland! I love that story! When Alice goes down the rabbit hole and finds the potion and the smaller door, she doesn't know how to get there, but she finds that she has to drink the potion to get her through that door. And when she does, she finally shrinks and goes through to start her journey!XD I love that story! But anywho, I think that this poem is like Alice in Wonderland because of that exact reason! I can't wait to read more of your poems that you make! Keep up the fantastical work!
Thanks for the review and encouraging words. Much appreciated.
Hiya! Space here for a review.
Reading stuff like this is AMAZING, because the vocabulary is so carefully picked and placed, and the imagery is so satisfying and vivid. You really did succeed in writing a wonderful poem!
Like the last reviewer, I must say the last stanza was my absolute favorite. The words "cosmic strings", "gargantuan", "quarks" and "downward spiral"---all of it, really, was amazing! It flowed perfectly, and even without rhyming (a false myth is that all poems should rhyme) it was amazing!
As an aspiring author, reading stuff like this makes me hope/wish I could be this good!
Mixed with gorgeous imagery and diverse vocabulary, this was a winning piece of literature! Great job!
-Space the Snickerdoodle
Thanks for the review and encouraging words. Very much appreciated.
No prob bob. I hope to read more of your stuff in the future.^^
The idea, creativity and originality portrayed in this poem is eccentric and alarmingly beautiful. The word choices were precise and sent chills down my spine. I loved it. The last lines:
until I emerged perched
atop one of your gargantuan eyelashes
drenched and dreaming
submerged in glittering
oceans of ever-expanding tears.
Were my ABSOLUTE favorite. It reminded me of colors clashing in a rainbow hurricane and made me smile. You took me to different galaxies with this and it was wonderful. Thank you for this poem.
Thanks for the positive review. Very much appreciate it.
really creative!!! i love the story, however i felt a little lost, not sure why but i did.
the part at the end about the eye lash and the tears was so cool, totally didn't expect it but still awesome!!!!
i think there was more you could have done with it but overall it was soooo good.
keep writing, you totally deserve a feature!!!
Hope this helped...
~Tess
Thanks for the review and encouraging words.