Brakkaah beast

     The Brakkaah beast, called such because its howling sounds like "Braaaakahhh!" had been rampaging the colony on a planet orbiting Aldebaran, an orange giant star sixty-five light years from the Sun. This rampaging, as the humanoid colonists called it, involved the Beast’s usual earsplitting yowlings at dead of nights and the random destruction of fences and messing with their greenhouses and livestock. They had tolerated it for five Earth months before they finally decided to avail themselves of my professional services.

     As usual, I accepted to hunt the beast for a set fee. Two thousand Rubias up front and two thousand Rubias after I delivered its head in a bag to the colonial authorities was the deal.

     Of course the harassed humanoid colonists wouldn’t have hired me had they been able to capture and kill the beast themselves. But the so-called Brakkaah critter, this heavily black-furred, marsupial-like biped who had suddenly appeared from what seemed to them as out of nowhere, could cover twenty feet per stride, and was just too fast and agile to be hunted on foot. Neither did their meager farming hover-machines give them any advantage. Fuel was at a premium and wasting it on fruitless chases with the meager weapons available wasn't feasible. Also, the colony was new and it was just starting to get on its feet. If it was to continue to thrive, it could not afford to have the reputation of a wild beast intimidating prospective settlers away. So two thousand Rubias were considered an acceptable amount of payment for regaining the peace they had once had before the beast appeared.

     As usual, I arrived at the colonial settlement office in my black spacesuit and with hunting gear in hand. You know, the usual: a telescopic blaster, various explosive-tipped harpoons, and an old-fashioned machete to give the impression that I was going to decapitate cleanly and quickly.

     It had all gone without a hitch at countless other planetary systems. This one seemed no different except for the colonial governor who looked like a rather nervous fellow. I found him in the two-storied conical colonial administration abode waiting for my arrival. He was sitting in a semi-lit room little more than a closet behind a rectangular, back, onyx desk. I couldn't help noticing how much of a runt he was. Narrow of shoulders, flaccid muscles, and a slight pot belly with a nervous, apprehensive expression on his narrow face. He constantly swiped back the few sickly strands of yellow hair that still grew on his otherwise bald greenish head as if they had been annoying animalcules.  We eyed each other for a few seconds and discussed the matter briefly until finally the agreement was formally made.

     “So you can bag it and have it for us in how much time you think?” the colonial governor chirped  into his universal translator after absentmindedly handing me the two thousand Rubias without having asked exactly how much time the hunt would take. I made as if pondering deeply before responding.

     ““Well, that depends where on the terrain that needs to be covered, your excellency.” I answered into mine while bowing slightly from the waist to give the impression of deep respect.

    "I didn't exactly plan on having to commit suicide on this mission!" I added for emphasis.

    “Can you provide a time estimate please?” he asked, nervously fidgeting in his white-petaled, flower-like seat.

     “That isn’t easy to do your excellency. If I give you an estimate and it turns out to be too short, then you will be very disappointed for having paid so much for such an easy task. If I give a longer estimate, then you might feel cheated because you feel it isn't worth paying two thousand Rubias for such inefficiency."

     For the first time during our conversation, the colonial governor eyed me with suspicion and his eyes began to flicker from my face to the two-thousand Rubias he had just handed me as if he wanted them back.

     “That is not the story you just told me a while ago when we discussed it. A while ago you said that it would be a matter of days,” he said frowning suspiciously.

     "And it will be a matter of days your excellency." I replied calmly.

     "Yes, but you made it sound as if it was a matter of a few days?"

     “No your excellency. I did not mean few. That is your conclusion.”

     "So how many days exactly do you intend to spend chasing down this beast?”

     He gestured to the window on my left where the thick, beige, mushroom-like foliage of his world beneath a cumulus-clouded purple sky was visible.

     “As I explained before, your excellency," I continued,  "there are just too many imponderables for me to calculate in order to provide you with an accurate estimate.”

     “But surely you have some idea of the probabilities--” he pitifully whined.

     "Absolutely not! Absolutely not!” I shook my massive head vigorously. He flinched at the effusive way I said those well-rehearsed words.

     “This is an alien planet," I continued, trying to convey a morbid fear of the unknown as best as I could.

     "In order to track the beast efficiently I must first become acquainted with its weather patterns, geologic activities, types of terrains that the creature might use to its advantage. Get acquainted with the creature itself. Its sleeping habits. How often it chooses defecate and urinate. Its inherent reflexes and the limits of its abilities."  

     There were beads of yellowish sweat forming on the colonial governor’s face, and he was beginning to appear increasingly distraught. Nothing I hadn't seen before.

     "But you were thoroughly apprised of its destructiveness and its evasive capabilities prior to your arrival." he whined and blinked his big, silly, watery, oval eyes at me. Reminded me of a helpless, supplicating child.

     “And do you really believe that was enough, your excellency?” I said while hurriedly stuffing the two thousand Rubias deep into my spacesuit’s thigh pocket.

     “You didn’t say it wasn’t enough during our conversation before I handed you the Rubias.” he uttered pathetically in a tremulous voice, thin lips trembling with anger, or was he about to bawl? Hard to tell with this delicate ilk.

     "That's because I assumed that a man in your position, your excellency, would be aware of the fine details."

     “What fine details?” the governor yelped while feebly slapping the palm of a frail, slender, green hand on the onyx surface of his desk and wincing in pain.

     "As I just said, your excellency. The beast must be thoroughly assessed before it can be subjected safely to a hunt.”

     He was blinking rapidly and his large purple eyes shifting from side to side.

     "This is absurd! We informed you that the beast only flees. It never attacks. It does its mischief, such as ruin our crops, break our fences, attacks our livestock and heads for the hinterland as soon as he sees us approaching."

     “Yes, but that has been YOUR experience with it. With me it might just behave in a totally different way because it considers me dangerous. See this scar?" I slowly turned my face so he could clearly see what seemed to be deeply-etched claw-mark slashes across my face through my tinted visor.

     “Do you know what beast did this to me your excellency?” I stared at him with the most anguished look I could muster.

     “Do you?" I added and squinted a scrutinizing eye at him, and he momentarily looked abashed.

     "It was the peaceful Walala beast on the planet Quar. It is the only recorded instance of that supposedly non-violent beast ever attacking anyone. When hunted previously it would just cringe in fear, urinate, defecate and show its toothless gums. Took one brief look at me and it was suddenly all teeth and claws. So once is enough.”

     I turned to leave as if in righteous indignation, but the governor objected.

     "Just one moment! I don’t feel comfortable in this transaction.” he said with a scowl on his narrow face. “The agreement is off!”

     “I am sorry that you feel that way excellency.” I responded with a broad, benign smile on my bearded face. But a deal is a deal. I hunt the beasty and bag its head for the two thousand Rubias as agreed upon.”

There was a long, ominous silence during which the runt seemed as if paralyzed by his own thoughts, and then:

     “The only head that’s going to get bagged if you do not return my two thousand Rubias is yours, you double-talking, lying thief!” he squeaked.

     He was weak physically, true. But then again I am no fool. He held a blaster aimed directly between my eyes and would have easily penetrated my helmet’s visor. So I casually reached into my suit’s pocket, came up with some Alphanian Blinding Dander, hurled it in his face, rolled left on the floor and out an open window into the planet’s thick mushroom-like foliage where bounced off and I hit the mossy ground at a dead run.

     After recovering, and yelling some imprecations, he delicately fired his decrepid blaster but only managed to knick my shoe as my buddy, the Brakhahh beast, swooped me up into our suborbital and before we knew it, we were gliding towards our orbiting ship two-thousand Rubias richer as we both gave out an earsplitting “Brakhaaaah!”shout in celebration.