Moonlight adorns us in this garden of white roses.
Holding hands we contemplate the wind
sweeping through the treetop canopy
as if a rustling whisper from the breath of God.
-
We met here once long ago
when the glow of youth still graced our cheeks.
We speak of it often now
About the magic of our first kiss
About how bold I was and
how shy you were and still are.
-
About how the selfsame wind hushed through Eden's trees
whispering our destiny and we understood
and were entranced by one another
and by the fruit you held in your hand.
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139,404 Literary Works • 672,552 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
I really like this poem because it is a cool way of looking at Adam and Eve (specifically Adam) under new light. People usually see them as being horrible people and sinners for eating God's fruit, but this poem really captures their nostalgia and possibly regret for their mistakes. It felt like you were trying to tell the reader that Adam and Eve were people too, no matter what they have done. I really like how you took the Christian creation tale of Adam and Eve to another level by humanizing them and having them feel something other than either delight at the taste of the fruit or despair at their exile from the garden. Overall, I love this poem and I hope you write many more like it. Keep writing, and never lose your sense of creative wonder when it comes to stories you have heard before, as you never really know when you can spice something up and make it into another tale entirely.
Keep writing, and have a great day!
~ZeldaIsShiek
Thanks for the review and encouraging words Zelda. Very much appreciate it.
No problem.
Hello Radrook!
I'm honestly so glad most - if not all - of the poems you share on here have strong Christian themes. I think it's absolutely beautiful, and it's also rather inspiring for me.
Now this poem is about Adam recalling, as the title points out, but I'm having a hard time with figuring out what time it currently is here. It was obviously after the sin was committed, and the bite of the fruit taken, but were they exiled from the garden yet? Because you do begin with saying moonlight adorns them in the "garden of white roses". Has God banned them from the garden yet, or not?
I'm not sure if I agree with the phrase on the wind "whispering our destiny". You're saying that in the garden, it was already their destiny to sin and be exiled?
Other than those notes, I think this poem flowed well. It was a thoughtful little snippet in time, and I enjoyed it.
Have a great day, and keep up the good work.
~rosette
Thanks for the review and encouraging words. Very much appreciated. Please note that the glow of youth no longer graces their cheeks. Which means that they are old and have suffered the consequences of the fall. I added white flowers to the location because white flowers are usually the ones used at funerals. So the location itself had undergone a drastic change. Nevertheless your comments have focused on a possible flaw in the narrative that might mislead or confuse the reader and I will definitely give it my full consideration to see how it can be avoided. Thanks for the help.
This poem tells of a man named Adam, and his encounter with a woman/man. It is a superb poem which conveys it's message clearly while forcing the reader to think a little bit. Although in the 2nd stanza, 5th and 6th line, you were trying to convey the relationship between Adam and the unknown woman/man however in the previous lines you were trying to tell their first kiss. Perhaps I am interpreting it wrong, and if that is the case then sorry. I give this poem a solid 9/10.
Constructive Criticism: Don't muddle your thoughts.
Thanks for the review.
How beautiful.
I think you're an absolutely wonderful writer.
Thank you for the compliment. Very much appreciated.