Young Writers Society

Hai :3

This is packed with so much raw emotion!! The repetition of "tear after tear" really makes the pain feel like this never-ending cycle, like you're trapped in it, which hits hard. Especially when paired with the imagery of love being fragile, like sand. The metaphor of love being made of sand is chef’s kiss ~~ It captures how something that seemed so permanent and full of promises can slip away. You can feel the heartbreak and confusion just pouring out in the lines. It's so direct and aching!!

I also love the shift from heartbreak to anger, the way the poem moves from crying and remembering all those memories to that sense of betrayal when they see the other person with someone else. It really shows how that pain twists into something harder, more defensive, and the way it leads to moving on feels like such a cathartic release by the end!! It feels like one of those bittersweet moments where you’re finally free, but it still stings a little. Like, whew, what a journey!!

After you left me, my heart has turned to stone.
I feel like I was just a toy to you that now you don’t own.

The stone image !! I wish you played around with it more, since it's a unique juxtaposition when compared to the sand!! Sososo creative!!

If I were to tweak anything, maybe diving a little deeper into the "love made of sand" metaphor? It’s such a powerful visual and could be expanded to show how it’s slipping through their fingers, like the relationship was always destined to fall apart, no matter how hard they tried to hold onto it. For something you're basing the poem around, it doesn't show up much!! At least, as much as it should. Right now, it appears in just one part, but it’s such a strong visual to have!! I wish to see more.

This really hit the heart! You can feel all the stages of grief in here ~~ Pain, confusion, anger, and finally moving on. Great job, I love the emotional punch!!

- Payton

Hey friend! I saw this lovely poem of yours, so I thought I would stop by and leave you a review. Your poems are always lovely, so let's jump right into it!

You said that “Our love is made up of Sand and that it will never end”.

Why did you leave me and go?

Why?

What happened to our love made up of Sand?

I love what you say about the sand. It is so true, sand is endless. I'm sure somewhere, there is an exact number of pieces of sand on the earth, but it's something that cannot be counted. I guess that's true for emotions too, and how we feel. There is an end to it, but there is no way of counting something so vast. It seems, at one time, someone told you that their love for you would never end. Just like the sand. You cannot count it. It seems to go on forever. It seems to last the lifetime and longer than that. But still, they left you. You seem to be questioning why they left and what happened to all of these promises that they made you previously.

My hatred for you has out grown.

Day by day as the time flies,

My love for you every day dies.

Laugh a bit Laugh, I smile.

Now I have also moved on.

Because now I know that you were not the right one.

Because now I know that you were not the right one.

I thought that it was cool that you repeated this last line. It seems that a lot of your love has turned into deep hatred for this person. It makes sense, considering how they broke so many promises to you. But are they at fault? I wonder why their feelings changed. If love is endless, I guess it's fair to say that it's also endlessly complex. Everything in earth drives each other in a way. Whoever this poem is about, it sounds like they've been hurt tremendously, so I can sense so much pain coming from them. Overall, I love the simple simple organization of this poem. You seem to have some nice rhymes as well, which I loved! Fantastic work, and keep on writing.

Your friend,
Ellie