I need someone in my life
Who can act like the Sun and brighten up my days
Can it be you?
I am waiting for that time,
When I can honestly scream,
Telling how sad and depressing,
Life can be sometimes.
I lost something in return of nothing.
I wonder how I sailed through everything.
Many a times I am sad, but I need to smile,
Because I am living in a world that inhabits such a profile.
Listening to what I say and playing along all the way,
Displaying fake grief and sympathy is what others do.
But I need someone,
With divine thoughts and a pure heart.
Can it be you?
I need a real friend not a fake one.
A friend who is a gem of person,
Can it be you?
Next sequel coming soon.
Stay tuned.
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140,268 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
What a lovely poem! I found the sequel first, but decided to go back and review this one first!! Let's get right into it:
You are very direct and right to the point, right from the very first lines. You state how you need that Sun in your life, as ask if it could be you. These lines are very personal and relatable. Like when you say that you cant wait for the days you can just scream when you feel depressed and sad in life. You have some hidden symbols throughout this poem. Like the 'sun' and the 'gem' of a person that you are seeking.
We keep going back to the 'can it be you' question, which I enjoyed.
This part was amazing. You compare and contrast the societal norms compared to what you crave. Fantastic work here! I am excited to review the next part too!!
Keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you so much!
heyo! I noticed you review on quite a lot of things. I also noticed that this was a poem and decided to review it once I saw it was you who posted this!
I'll be reviewing as I go along.
you know, I can actually relate, but a bit more toxic with my situation. I've always needed someone to "love" someone to "obsess over" someone I can give my everything to. not particularly trust or get together with, but someone to hold my heart. and honestly, that really makes me struggle. but you, you sound like you view it as someone to brighten things up, while I prefer to stay drowning in misery. I'd rather play pretend, put a mask on and pretend ive found a forever friend, while you want it to be real. I actually respect that about you.
nice job, keep it up!
sorry if this review sounded weird.
Thank you so much for reviewing my poem and this review did not sound weird at all, in fact I loved the fact that someone could relate to what I am saying.
Hello, I'm here to leave a review. First of all, thanks for sharing this poem. It's evident that the expressions come from a heart that is lonely and longing for friendship. It leaves me with the idea that the narrator has seen or met someone who has left a favorable impression on them, and they want to get to know them better, in hopes that they will be the friend they are seeking. Maybe the narrator often sees different people, and not just one, with whom they would like to form a closer connection.
The idea conveyed here is that the person speaking carries many heavy emotions and is discouraged by how insincere many people seem to be. Lines like "I need a real friend, not a fake one," emphasize this thought.
I'd encourage you to work on rhythm/meter and maybe read it out loud to hear how it flows. To me, some of it felt a little choppy, as there are some shorter lines and some longer lines, and the number of syllables and accented beats feels a little off. But not everything has to stick to a strict scheme, so don't be too hard on yourself. Plus, you've done pretty well finding words that rhyme well and fit together emotionally.
The last comment I'll leave is that if what you've written here is something you're experiencing yourself, please don't hesitate to reach out to your friends here on YWS. There are also mental health resources here and other places that are supportive in times when we deal with tough stuff like loneliness. Please know that you are important and valuable! Keep encouraged, and keep up the good work with your writing.
Thank you so much, I will keep all improvements you mentioned here in mind before writing the next sequel of this poem.