Young Writers Society

What a lovely poem! I found the sequel first, but decided to go back and review this one first!! Let's get right into it:

I need someone in my life

Who can act like the Sun and brighten up my days

Can it be you?

Listening to what I say and playing along all the way,

Displaying fake grief and sympathy is what others do.

But I need someone,

With divine thoughts and a pure heart.

Can it be you?

heyo! I noticed you review on quite a lot of things. I also noticed that this was a poem and decided to review it once I saw it was you who posted this!
I'll be reviewing as I go along.

you know, I can actually relate, but a bit more toxic with my situation. I've always needed someone to "love" someone to "obsess over" someone I can give my everything to. not particularly trust or get together with, but someone to hold my heart. and honestly, that really makes me struggle. but you, you sound like you view it as someone to brighten things up, while I prefer to stay drowning in misery. I'd rather play pretend, put a mask on and pretend ive found a forever friend, while you want it to be real. I actually respect that about you.
nice job, keep it up!
sorry if this review sounded weird.

Hello, I'm here to leave a review. First of all, thanks for sharing this poem. It's evident that the expressions come from a heart that is lonely and longing for friendship. It leaves me with the idea that the narrator has seen or met someone who has left a favorable impression on them, and they want to get to know them better, in hopes that they will be the friend they are seeking. Maybe the narrator often sees different people, and not just one, with whom they would like to form a closer connection.

The idea conveyed here is that the person speaking carries many heavy emotions and is discouraged by how insincere many people seem to be. Lines like "I need a real friend, not a fake one," emphasize this thought.

I'd encourage you to work on rhythm/meter and maybe read it out loud to hear how it flows. To me, some of it felt a little choppy, as there are some shorter lines and some longer lines, and the number of syllables and accented beats feels a little off. But not everything has to stick to a strict scheme, so don't be too hard on yourself. Plus, you've done pretty well finding words that rhyme well and fit together emotionally.

The last comment I'll leave is that if what you've written here is something you're experiencing yourself, please don't hesitate to reach out to your friends here on YWS. There are also mental health resources here and other places that are supportive in times when we deal with tough stuff like loneliness. Please know that you are important and valuable! Keep encouraged, and keep up the good work with your writing.