Young Writers Society

Hi KaavyaK, and happy Review Month!

Q here to review your poem.

First of all, I love the essence of this poem. Timed with the start of the fall season, it reminds me of heading back to school. I know in your description you said "school friends," but I think in the poem, it's a little less specifically tied to school, which is interesting and nice.

It feels like an eternity since I saw you,

Feels like a thousand years since we played peek-a-boo.

With these lines, for example, I can see how it could be a friend you meet up with after a long summer and see how you've both grown, but I can also see it being a childhood friend you're seeing later in life, as an adult, remembering the close bond of those days. I think the "thousand years since we played peek-a-boo" is a really timeless sentiment and a great way to convey it.

What if you are my long distance friend?

What if we don't have anymore classes to attend?

I think out of all of the poem, I have the most trouble fitting these lines together with the theme. On one hand, it sort of ties in with the adulthood angle -- certainly after school I can only connect with most of my friends long distance! But, it feels like these questions might have more weight after seeing the build-up of childhood memories.

Most of the rest of the poem is set in the past and doesn't have that same questioning tone, so I really like that with these lines, you take the reader somewhere a little bit different in the present, a little hypothetical. But I think if they were somewhere like after the line "How the teacher caught us mimicking," it would make the ending, "Come what may," feel even stronger. Then the questions would sort of act as a transition from the past, to the present when things have changed, to a future friendship together. But that's just my two cents!

I love the lines,

I still remember the classes we were bunking,

How we ran out screaming and chuckling,

How the teacher caught us mimicking.

-- it's like a little progression of events, I like all of the action -ing words to convey the teasing attitude of the students. It paints a nice picture of camaraderie and school days in a simple way.

I think that these lines,

Those sad, happy, funny and bitter memories,

The days when everything went cool and we had no worries.

How we used stay together and face our enemies,

--could benefit a little bit from some more of that concrete imagery like skipping classes and running and screaming and laughing. For me, "those sad, happy, funny and bitter memories" don't mean as much, since I'm not sure what they are. On the other hand, using the word "peek-a-boo" in your second line immediately brought to mind children and games.

Likewise, "enemies" I think wouldn't hold as much meaning as something like, "playground bullies." It's very universal, and I absolutely get the tone you're going for, but it would be cool to get even more depth from these few lines that you have to describe the friendship!

Like chrysanthemum said, I like the use of "Forever, Forever" as the closer. With the word repeated four times and a period at the end, it doesn't leave any room for doubt as to the strength of this friendship.

It's a really sweet poem you've written, and wherever the narrator and their friend are in life, I think there's elements of friendship, memory and nostalgia that are easy for anyone to connect to, and I really like that.

Nice work, and let me know if you have any questions!

-Q

Hello, KaavyaK! Century here to review this wonderful work using my tea making method! Let's dive in.



I sense this poem might be really personal to you. Perhaps about a childhood friend or classmate? You really encapsulate the feeling of childhood in the first few lines.

I love the subtle rhyme scheme you planted as well! I always love seeing what people come up with to rhyme with. This poem is no different! I loved the coordination with memories/worries/enemies/centuries (hehe! century!). They all tie with each other in some way, and I like that about this poem.



Where do i start...

Well, 1,i love the use of "Forever, Forever." at the end. It's like saying that you promise never to forget, and to always come back to them, which I personally like.

2, the usage of the quotes for "the friends of centuries"!! That definitely shifts the tone. It isn't just childhood, it's saying that things that seem forever can become temporary, and oh it breaks my heart! I love it!



I think I only have one thing to say, and that is to combine "Come what may, whatever," with "we will stay together", just because it feels a little short compared to the rest of the poem. Of course, this is up to you! if you wanted to go a little bit further with that, you could say "we will stay together." as if you were trying to convince them. But, as I said, this is an author's choice.



I loved this poem so much! I always love poems that use double meanings of words (i.e Forever, Forever.) and this one just hit home for me. Thank you for writing it!

~NEVER STOP WRITING!!!!!~
-Century