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It is you.

by KaavyaK


My sequel to the poem 'Can it be you?'


Everybody thinks of me as a person who is always happy,

A person who has no sorrows and a person who never gets unhappy.

But you can always read me like an open book,

And tell if I am feeling forlorn or content.

You are my comfort zone and I know I can rely on you,

I know that I can put my head on your shoulder and cry.

You are that person who knows all about my agony,

And you do your best to make me feel deserving and happy.

I now know that you are my true friend,

Who felt every moment with me rather it be gloomy or rather it be full of glee.

Now that I have gone through the tough phases of my life,

Where there were only thorns everywhere and no flowers in sight,

But it was you who held my hand tight and did not leave me behind.

I have now finally realized that,

 It is you, It is you who is destined for me.


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Mon Jul 08, 2024 8:11 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



Here we are, for the sequel!! Let's get right into it!!

Everybody thinks of me as a person who is always happy,

A person who has no sorrows and a person who never gets unhappy.

But you can always read me like an open book,


This person can read you like an open book, seeing between the lines and stories and really understands you, just from a glance. Unlike others who perceive you as always happy and fine in everything.

I know that I can put my head on your shoulder and cry.

You are that person who knows all about my agony,

And you do your best to make me feel deserving and happy.


You connect this a bit to the last poem. In the first one, you talk about wanting to be able to scream about how depressing life can be. Maybe you could reference some of the lines from the first poem a bit more, to really show us that you have found 'your person' :)

Where there were only thorns everywhere and no flowers in sight,

But it was you who held my hand tight and did not leave me behind.


You paint a beautiful image here. In my mind, I think of this fallen rose, covered in thorns. They are sad that they cannot even see their beautify, but their friend continues to hold them gently, seeing how marvelous they are. This part is seriously so beautiful! This poem was a lot happier than the first one, which was filled with hope. But here, we see the completion of those dreams, finally coming to life!! Yay!

Love this so much!!

Your friend,
Ellie

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KaavyaK says...


Thank you so much!



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Sun May 12, 2024 4:27 am
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Moonlily wrote a review...



Hello hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a review. Forgive me if I miss some of the context as I haven't yet read the first poem. Overall I really enjoy the theme as well as the imagery of thorns and flowers it helps to naill the feelings home. On a semi-related note, I deeply relate to this as it reminds me of my partner we have been through a lot together when others haven't been there but that's unrelated just wanted to share.

As for actual feedback, I don't have much I only have one line I would change. Even then it isn't necessary and just something to help aid the rhyme.

"And tell if I am feeling forlorn or content." I would change this ever so slightly to rhyme it with book. " And tell if I am feeling forlorn or content, with a look."

No matter what happens or what other says keep writing and remember to drink water!




KaavyaK says...


Thank you. I am still learning how to write poems, so I might do a lot of mistakes please ignore them.



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Sat May 11, 2024 6:47 pm
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Peradion wrote a review...



Hello, Kaavyak! I'm going to start by saying that I think this is a very strong piece of poetry. The format and structure is very solid, and the language used indicates a profound sense of love for the subject. I feel that this poem evokes a sense of intimacy that transcends labels like romantic or platonic; it just feels very human and heartfelt, which is a very valuable quality to have with regards to poetry.

That being said, I feel that the rhythm of this poem could potentially use some work; while the message is very good, and while your style is more straightforward than it is flowery, it may benefit you to try to find shorter ways to say what you're trying to say. I'll give an example using the first line;

'Everybody thinks of me as a person who is always happy,' is a good line, but it feels a tiny bit too long and a little clunky. Perhaps, depending on the tone you're intending on portraying with this line, you could shorten it to something along the lines of; 'I wear a mask of happiness,' or something or other. The only reason I suggest this is to help improve your rhythm.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this piece. Well done!




KaavyaK says...


Thank you for reviewing my work and I will keep this rhyme scheme thing in mind next time.




"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
— William Shakespeare