Glass Walls

Hi! I'm really impressed this is such a meaningful, deep, intense poem and with so many different ways it can be interpretated.
What I get out of this poem is that physically you're not being held back, but mentally and emotionally you feel confined and have an overwhelming need to isolate yourselves even though internally you thrive to overcome the mental hurdle that's keeping you from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. It's like the person in the poem is watching the world around her/him but is not apart of it themselves and that weighs heavily on them.
It's a piece I think it is well written I like how it all comes together and sticks to one central theme, when writing anything it can be easy to get off track and lose the concept of what your writing but I like that this poem is consistent all the way through especially with the emotional aspect of it. I really connected with the line "I long to interact with the crowd" as I personally have social anxiety and find myself wanting to come out of my shell and interact with others but the anxiety can be far too hard to overcome sometimes. I think you're a great writer and I enjoyed this piece keep up the good work

Some lovely metaphors in here that do well in expressing the experience of loneliness!

I can see out, but they can't see in.
They can't see me hidden within.

Hi Infinite, it's nice to meet you and I'm sorry that you're struggling with loneliness! I had a pretty bad case of it when I was younger but you can get past it, I promise, and I think it's good to explore your feelings like this. What I might suggest is asking yourself what your persona experience of loneliness is. We've all heard the glass walls/ box metaphors before and the being stuck on the inside even when surrounded by people. What's a new spin you can put on it?

I hope you won't mind me pulling from my own experience but I wrote about kaleidoscopes to express my own loneliness and how when you look through a kaleidoscope there are all these colours and thousands of ways they can connect into different patterns with just a turn of the tube and then that pattern is reflected to become a repeatable, symmetrical image. The way I felt when I was lonely was that in all those thousands of different combinations, I could never exist because I couldn't connect with different groups as easily as those pieces of glass seemed to. I loved the metaphor (and still do) because the pieces of glass in a kaleidoscope are broken parts which are made into whole patterns through the lens over and over again.

So maybe think of something unique to you and then explore that image in your poem and work out why it appears to you.

Back to your current poem -

Specifics

1. I like the half rhyme of unseen and screams - that follows really nicely.

2. The rhyme of side and inside on the other hand feels lazy but if you made it purposeful it may work. By this, I mean you could emphasise that the word side is in inside by using 'in[side]' which creates an interesting visualisation on the page and actually takes ownership of rhyming a word with itself.

3. The two short lines in the middle of the poem are nice in a sense because they reflect the content but being a pair of lines contradicts that - it isn't one short line on its own, it's two. Perhaps one line could be long and the other short like:

I am drowning in my state of all alone
on my own.

This would give a much greater impact to that shortening of the format.

Overall

I actually gave my overall thoughts at the start, or sort of. I don't think this is a bad poem and you could play with the format and words to make it more interesting but I think the language is stale. I think it doesn't give a view which hasn't been given before and I feel like that's really important, especially when we're writing personal poems.

All the best with this!

~Heather

Hello!

Snazzy here for a review! While I don’t know everything you’re going through, I think writing is definitely a great way to cope. Overall this is a really strong piece! Here are a couple of ideas that might make it even stronger or affect your other pieces of poetry.

So the concept of Loneliness is very abstract. It means something different for everybody. I think you did a nice job using concrete language for the first part of this (like “the glass walls”, and “a whisper in a sea of screams” were brilliant)! However, I lose those images at the middle and end. Think of how to show me what it feels like to be found. Show me what it feels like to be free and interact with others. Show me what you mean when you say “I just want someone to hold me tight”.

Another smaller issue, is that these lines -

I just want someone to hold me tight,
To tell me everything will be alright.

It's really brave of you to post something so personal, and I'm so glad that you did. This poem was absolutely beautiful, and I could tell that it was written from the heart. That last few lines were so powerful, and I'm really happy that you shared this. Amazing work!!!