A cupcake here,
A donut there,
Just a little splurge, I swear!
I'll just have one more cookie,
Then I'll hit the gym
Or go for a swim.
Then I'll be done with junk for a year!
Okay, maybe not a whole year,
But I'll try for at least a few months!
...Or maybe weeks,
Or days...
On second thought
I think I'll have a candy bar now,
And try again next year!
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139,049 Literary Works • 672,402 Reviews
*waves*
Hey, there! I'm not sure how much of a review you want on this beautiful piece or if you just posted it for the fun of it. But I'll share a few thoughts, anyhow.
This poem reminds me of my parents, tbh. They both talked like this so much before they started taking their gym life seriously. I like how this poem kind of works through the person's thought process. SO MANY PEOPLE talk/think like this (*cough* even me *cough*), which makes this super relatable.
The first few lines started out great with a bouncy little flow and rhythm to it, but the last two lines of stanza 1 didn't seem to have that flow. After that, the rhyming was over, and it felt more like a person speaking. It's short and fun and nothing super deep (at least I don't think...)
Thanks for sharing!
Hello! Sophie here to review!
First stanza- so relatable its amazing. I love the rhyme scheme and I can hear the people talking! it makes me feel not alone in a silly pathetic way...
Second stanza-I like how this starts out as trying to be reassuring but slowly slowly loses it. the ellipses fit in so perfect.
Third stanza- I like how this ties in everything in a care free way! With this last sentence, everything is pulled together in a goofy, giving up way.
Sophie out!
Ooo, i spotted a possible rhyme scheme for u there, "or maybe weeks, or days....." Maybe add "just one donut please, make it glazed!"
But yeah, so relatable.
Ooo, i spotted a possible rhyme scheme for u there, "or maybe weeks, or days....." Maybe add "just one donut please, make it glazed!"
This is more relatable than I'd like to admit.
#Relateable