The record spins round and round
Underneath the needle.
I've never heard such a soothing sound
As the crackle of a vinyl,
Right before the music plays.
Why did such a beautiful thing
Fade from memory?
The raw sound that records bring
Is lost to society.
Now, convenience is the latest craze.
Although records are not as portable as phones,
Their value is not decreased.
As long as they are treasured in my home,
They'll never be deceased.
I'll value them until the end of days.
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139,388 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Heya!
I think the first stanza is definitely the strongest here. It really launched me into the poem and did a terrific job setting everything up.
In the second stanza, I know you're trying to set up a transition with the last line, but it felt a bit jarring to me. Just to have such a sudden change, you know what I mean? I'm not certain how I would remedy this exactly, but I would recommend maybe adding another stanza in between 3/4 (in addition to working on the last line in stanza 2) -- perhaps a stanza or two outlining the history of how records are dying?
Also, on a less critical note, I've found recently that records kind of seem to be coming back into style a little. Maybe this isn't your own experience but I've been really surprised how many people are picking up new record players and how many of my favorite musicians are pushing sales of the vinyl editions. I can't admit to having listened to real vinyl myself, sadly :/ If you do find this true, maybe there could be a stanza talking about this comeback? If not, try to take solace in the experience I'm having I guess? Haha
I felt like the final stanza was a bit too repetitive. Again, the changes occurred really quickly. And the last two sentences are repeating each other. The last line felt like it was only put there to keep with the form. That last line needs to be among the strongest!
I'm excited to see where this one can go. It's not every day you see a poem about vinyl so I think this could be really good. Let me know if you have any questions, I hope I was of help!
-H.o.H.
(P.S. I edited this because I realized that I said the last two stanzas were repeating when I meant the last two SENTENCES.)
Thank you for your review! I will work on making my transitions smoother. Also, I am aware that vinyls seem to be making a bit of a comeback, but where I'm from, I'm one of the few that still listen to them. Vinyls aren't a big thing in my community, sadly, and I'm lucky my town even has a record store. It does excite me though, that musicians are pushing record sales
Hello, InfiniteRectangles! I really liked this. Always have confidence in yourself because if you didn't post this I wouldn't have a smile on my face right now. I liked it and it's a style I haven't seen used very often. In fact, I rarely see people use the ABABC rhyming scheme. I didn't see grammar mistakes or any disruption in the flow. I just really adored it and that's all I have to say. Keep writing so I can keep reviewing! Stay blessed!
~Keepwriting
Thank you so much!