His Eyes are Oceans

[~] Review - Jadefeather [~]

Hello there, InfiniteRectangles! I was just scrolling through the poetry section when I found your poem, and I decided to give you a review!

Let's begin with punctuation. Overall it is pretty good, though the following sentences require some sort of punctuation:
'Riddled with demons of self-doubt and loathing'
'Slivers of peace breaking through'
If the sentence is meant to continue on, putting a comma at the end of the verse will ensure better reviews.
However, this is one of the better poems I've read going in the direction of punctuation.

Continuing on with rhyming. Yes, I do know that some poems aren't meant to rhyme and I completely get that. However, if you were aiming for a rhyming poem, then sadly you did not reach your goal. I cannot tell if it was meant to rhyme or not, so I'll just type this down for you.

Your poem is sadly very short! I would've loved to have read more! Your poem here is very good as it is, but it'd have been so much better if you'd've made it longer.

You did excellent with the capitalization, and for that I thank you. That's all in this part of the review!

That's all I really have to say about your poem, His Eyes are Oceans. You did a fantastic job! I really enjoyed this poem, and I'm definitely glad I read it!
Thanks for reading my review! Remember: Never stop writing, and just because someone criticizes your work doesn't mean it isn't brilliant!
~ Jadefeather

Hello! What I gather from this is that you're trying to subvert typical water imagery by painting the "crashing waves" and the liveliness of the ocean in a positive light while the parts that are still and motionless instead represent the demons.

While this is interesting, I feel that "slivers of peace" just sounds too positive for this effect, resulting in a contradictory image, which is difficult to pull off well in such a short poem, since each line makes a stronger impression on the reader's mind (of course, unless there's some kind of irony involved that I'm just blind to, haha). I would suggest perhaps using a phrase like "sinister slivers", "shadowy slivers" or maybe even "serpentine slivers" instead.

Besides this, since the demons are associated with "stillness" (again, that's just what I think you're going for here), having them "break through" the crashing waves also seems a tad contradictory. Maybe the slivers might "lurk" between the waves instead?

Overall, I thought this was a really intriguing poem. I'm not the best with "image-focused" pieces like this, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt. Nevertheless, I do hope this helps somehow.

Wow, this is a beautiful, heartbreaking poem! I'm guessing it's about looking at someone who's depressed? I loved the use of the word "Ocean." But are you planning to add more to this? I would definitely read if you did!
Sorry this is so short!

Hi! Sophie here for a review! this is a really good poem! short and sweet! The description is really good and I can see it all in my head! the imagery is amazing. one thing- is there more to this ocean of a soul? is his soul the ocean? is he the ocean? I really want to know more! good job! Sophie out!

Nice . I like it . It is deep . Intresting .
Good fella , hope you keep on going . ☺.