If you throw a heart
On stage, watch it shiver
And shake with anxiety
If you throw a brain
On stage, watch its logic
Presented with confidence
If you throw a mouth
On stage, watch it project
Its ideas to willing minds
If you throw an ear
On stage, watch it listen
And curl with empathy
If you throw a pair of eyes
On stage, watch them stare
Their observations so critical
If you throw a pair of feet
On stage, watch them giggle
And laugh, walking out on you
I have stitched together this body
But it is incomplete
It is empty
If you throw a personality
On stage, watch it shine
Through all expectations
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Canary word: Present
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140,373 Literary Works • 673,126 Reviews
Hey there Infinite Rectangles. Here to write review a review of another one of your poems is lizzybookclubqueen1. I felt that my full username was necessary for a more formal review.
Anyways, let the reviewing begin.
Grammar and Spelling
As always I could not find any grammar or spelling errors in your poem. I know that the application of these elements to poetry is much different from others. The lack of periods bothered me at first but I soon realized it was all part of the style of your poem. Well done.
Content
I really liked your poem but it did take me time to connect all of the thoughts. I liked how you assembled every part and then had this line:
At this point I sort of gasped, like what will they come up with next. The ending was great and wrapped everything up perfectly.
Well I guess that is all I have for this review. A nice, short review for a nice, short poem.
Happy Review Day!
-lizzy
I'm shocked that this poem got as little attention as it did! This was brilliant! I really liked how you started with one body part and then kept adding on until you had a full body. I also liked how at the end you showed that a body is just a body without a personality! Well done! The only thing I suggest is maybe add more punctuation. (but this is poetry so there is a lot of wiggle room there!) Great job! Never stop writing!
Here we go. Love the consistency in the stanzas. Although I know some poems shine without structure, you were able to make consistent with itself instead of putting down something that would ruin the flow. I also like the moral of the story. It shows that even if we have everything to stay alive, we can't truly live without a personality. I wouldn't throw the message in there so easily, I know you wanted the point across on the first read or two.
The only problem I have come across with is punctuation. This could also be intentional due to the fact if capitalize "On", that means you would have to throw in a period (On stage, watch it end a sentence) at a place where it is not needed. Still, I do think we should add periods at the end of stanzas because there's really no reason not to.
Cheers.