I've always wanted a
giant teddy bear.
One
of those really
big ones
the size of my bed!
So I set out one day
to see what it cost
to bring one of
those
precious bears home.
When I went to the
store
I found some there
on a shelf way in
the back.
But when I saw the
price tag
I decided,
It's a lovely teddy
bear,
and it will be just
as lovely
still sitting on the
shelf.
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I love this so much- I so relate! I always want one- and then I look at the price and it is $40! ThenI am like-Bye!
Yet another great work by you!
Did not mean to comment again- it glitches! Sorry!
I love this so much- I so relate! I always want one- and then I look at the price and it is $40! Then I am like-Bye!
Yet another great work by you!
Hey there InfiniteRecatangles. Lizzy here to review another of your poems. I came across your poem in the green room and from just the title I knew I had to read it. Alright enough chit chatter and praise, do let the reviewing begin.
1. Let's start with what I did like. It is a common element in lots of your poems. Turning such a simple, small idea into a very nice, enjoyable poem. Few poems I read nowadays are happy or comical, they seem to turn to darker ideas. Thanks for having a nice uplifting-ish poem.
2. Flow. The poem doesn't seem to flow quite right to me. Even though this falls more under grammar and spelling, I think you may need a comma after cost before to. Now back to the content of the poem. It was short and sweet as the saying goes. It was completed supported idea that can be related to real life by most readers. Most of us have gone up and looked at something, thought it was nice, read the price tag, and then decided maybe it wasn't so nice.
3. Grammar and spelling. Ugh. I am really not the best authority on this subject but I try my best anyway. I think that a comma is also need after big ones, to correct the flow. There are a couple of spots where it doesn't flow right so I would recommend just reading through out loud and see how it sounds to you.
Alright this was just a quick review.
-lizzy
Hi InfiniteRectangles
Nice poem. This poem is rather unique and out of the box. I really like how you have turned just a simple desire of owning a giant teddy into a terrific poem. I never thought that we could get inspired to write a poem with just our desires but I really hoped you wrote a bit more. That was the only let-down for me.
Well, I really hope that you get a Giant Teddy bear pretty soon and keep on writing.
Thank you for the review!