.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hello!
This piece sure is unique. Overall I guess it is a cute little story. It doesn't have much point to it but I suppose thats how you meant it to be. Like xv0nillaWriterx said I would really like to see more emotion. Good job and have a great day!
~Makenna
Wow this a neat short story, the thing is I want you keep writing add more details, even though it is call short story. Tell us whats the plan is and why did he send back to jail again and why did he died there, give us some more details. And what does it mean the government is mean? More details why is the government is mean. Now for being a writer do you hate Apple in real life or it is just a story? If you hate Apple in real life why? I Love your story and i want you to keep writing the story and add details to it and also the character's emotion or feelings about something. Is he sad, happy, mad for being in jail? Is he sad, mad, happy to finally got out of jail? Add emotions help understand the character is going through. Thx for reading this review HAPPY WRITING!!!
I do hate Apple for too many reasons. I'd hate to spend two hours writing all of the reasons why, (and I'm sure you wouldn't want to read something that could be a novel of a comment!) so let's just settle with 'Apple is evil'. Sorry about that.
Thanks for the review, though!
No you think to sorry me, i am neither ( Apple being good or not ) I don't really care about apple and i don't even have any apple electronic i have window and samsung
Hello HolographicLadybug, steampowered here with a review!
I found this pretty amusing; it starts off sanely, with something mundane and everyday, and then turns into some kind of random yet quirky story, told in a simple, childlike fashion, which gets weirder and weirder as the story progresses. I especially like the “super mean” bit – I could really hear a little kid’s voice saying that, which I’m guessing is what you were aiming for.
I’m not a fan of Apple either, so I could completely identify with Philmroid’s (intriguing name, by the way) sentiments. I do however feel that you might be able to improve the story a little if you explain Philmroid’s motives more clearly. For example, is he angry at Apple because it’s overpriced? Because of privacy concerns? Or is there some other reason? Is he just constantly being irritated by the messages he’s getting?
This immediately made me think of an Apple computer. Is it an Apple computer? If so, you might want to say “Philmroid’s sleek Mac” or “Philmroid’s sleek Macbook”.
Why did this immediately make me think of atomic clocks? Why?
Being more serious, I have absolutely no idea what you meant by this. Calendars with pictures of nuclear power stations on them? I probably should know, but I don’t.
Also, “calanders” should be spelt “calendars”.
Anyway, it’s definitely a unique story, and I enjoyed reading it even though it was a little bit weird. Feel free to let me know if you ever need anything else reviewed, and I’ll be more than happy to help you out.
Keep on writing!
-steam-
I'm happy that you have understood the story in what I was aiming for, etc.
As for the calendars, I'll get to fixing the spelling right away. I'll also change 'nuclear' to 'radioactive'.
Thanks for the review!
:O Omg, what made you type that? I'm not saying that as a bad thing, but i can't understand why you typed it. I find it funny, because i could picture someone saying it, but wow...why?? Lol, anyways, try doing a short story for every emotion you have...i wonder where your imagination is...ok, i'm trying to make this a review, so i'll ask you some questions. What where your inspirations? I mean it...like i'm confused. How did you find out about YWS? I found it on purpose.
Hi! Here are my answers:
1: I like to write random stories and I also hate Apple. There was an ad for Apple at the top of my screen and I just wrote.
2: The place where I used to post writing died, so here I am!
Oh...cool...are you willing to look at my story? You can review it if you want to...but i i should let you know...its long...
Sure. What is it called?
Wantasy The Wonderful Fantasy Planet
You know, after I was a few sentences in, all I was thinking of was "what."
Though secretly, I would still kind of dig to see a developed version of this story. What did the pink bunnies do? How did the toads come to play? What the heck are nuclear page-a-day calendars? Who knows.
Then I was thinking of what to say about this. Because I HAD to say something, right? This story's completely random with very little room as too who's who and what's going on, and I was right about to comment down here and ask that you expand on this story more. But then I read the title again, and now I get it. Well played, Ladybug. Well played.
Spoiler
I know this isn't much of a review, but it's still a review of my thoughts, yeah? That can be at least helpful to you, I hope. Anyway, this did get a smile out of me, which is a great achievement in itself. Good job, and I hope you have a good day/night. c:
Thanks for the review!
I'm glad you got the point of why I wrote it!
What kind of story is this?
Is it supposed to be a comic story?
Why did Philmroid got angry at the first place? Because he hated apple series? That cant be an excuse haha.
And here am I, trying to get my points for the review I am trying to do.
I don't know if I am going to take the points or not.
But I am hoping so, because these sentences seem to be very short, and thats why I am afraid
What kind of story is this?
Is it supposed to be a comic story?
Why did Philmroid got angry at the first place? Because he hated apple series? That cant be an excuse haha.
And here am I, trying to get my points for the review I am trying to do.