Young Writers Society

Hello!

This piece sure is unique. Overall I guess it is a cute little story. It doesn't have much point to it but I suppose thats how you meant it to be. Like xv0nillaWriterx said I would really like to see more emotion. Good job and have a great day!

~Makenna

Wow this a neat short story, the thing is I want you keep writing add more details, even though it is call short story. Tell us whats the plan is and why did he send back to jail again and why did he died there, give us some more details. And what does it mean the government is mean? More details why is the government is mean. Now for being a writer do you hate Apple in real life or it is just a story? If you hate Apple in real life why? I Love your story and i want you to keep writing the story and add details to it and also the character's emotion or feelings about something. Is he sad, happy, mad for being in jail? Is he sad, mad, happy to finally got out of jail? Add emotions help understand the character is going through. Thx for reading this review HAPPY WRITING!!!

Hello HolographicLadybug, steampowered here with a review!

I found this pretty amusing; it starts off sanely, with something mundane and everyday, and then turns into some kind of random yet quirky story, told in a simple, childlike fashion, which gets weirder and weirder as the story progresses. I especially like the “super mean” bit – I could really hear a little kid’s voice saying that, which I’m guessing is what you were aiming for.

I’m not a fan of Apple either, so I could completely identify with Philmroid’s (intriguing name, by the way) sentiments. I do however feel that you might be able to improve the story a little if you explain Philmroid’s motives more clearly. For example, is he angry at Apple because it’s overpriced? Because of privacy concerns? Or is there some other reason? Is he just constantly being irritated by the messages he’s getting?

Philmroid's sleek computer.

nuclear page-a-day calenders

:O Omg, what made you type that? I'm not saying that as a bad thing, but i can't understand why you typed it. I find it funny, because i could picture someone saying it, but wow...why?? Lol, anyways, try doing a short story for every emotion you have...i wonder where your imagination is...ok, i'm trying to make this a review, so i'll ask you some questions. What where your inspirations? I mean it...like i'm confused. How did you find out about YWS? I found it on purpose.

You know, after I was a few sentences in, all I was thinking of was "what."

Then I was thinking of what to say about this. Because I HAD to say something, right? This story's completely random with very little room as too who's who and what's going on, and I was right about to comment down here and ask that you expand on this story more. But then I read the title again, and now I get it. Well played, Ladybug. Well played.

What kind of story is this?
Is it supposed to be a comic story?
Why did Philmroid got angry at the first place? Because he hated apple series? That cant be an excuse haha.
And here am I, trying to get my points for the review I am trying to do.
I don't know if I am going to take the points or not.
But I am hoping so, because these sentences seem to be very short, and thats why I am afraid

What kind of story is this?
Is it supposed to be a comic story?
Why did Philmroid got angry at the first place? Because he hated apple series? That cant be an excuse haha.
And here am I, trying to get my points for the review I am trying to do.