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Young Writers Society



A Fool's Bucket - Ch. 18.1

by ExOmelas


Dearest Prince,

I was wondering if you'd get around to asking about this, you know. Not that I would blame you if you never did - what with your parents involving you so little in matters of warfare, it would be understandable if you in turn had no interest in the subject, or even felt offended by its being raised. In any case, I had kept these notes handy in my capacity as Royal Clerk - yes, I know, yet another job - so that I'd have the facts straight in the event you did come to me. I don't relish the thought of sending them off like this but for you, our Prince, anything. Please tell Princess Myal that if she needs something sent from home, she too has only to ask.

Your most loyal of servants,

Holyon

---

Six months previously

The chatter was building up rapidly just outside Merhen's suite. She glanced over the shoulder of her husband, Hakyn, and checked the small golden disc of the clock, set in a dark wooden frame that swooped up to hug the clock face tightly, then back down on the other side. She watched the second-hand tick, admiring the teardrop shape in the ironwork at its tip.

"Are you listening, Merhen?" Hakyn snapped, leaning over to block her view. For a brief moment Merhen switched her gaze to focusing on a loose thread around the shoulder of his dark red tunic, but she dragged her eyes up to meet his.

"Sorry, Hak," she muttered. "Finding it a bit hard to focus."

"How come?" Hakyn asked. "I mean, I know it's a big day, but you usually thrive under pressure."

Merhen nodded. It was true, pressure normally gave her adrenaline, of a sort that didn't manifest as nervous energy. She could travel around their kingdom and discuss all sorts of matters with the various dukes and duchesses. She could even raise two very different royal children and teach them the values of duty, and the importance of co-operating with each other. But there was one person in the world that could drive her to such distraction that she spent hours at a time observing the features of a clock she'd owned for well over a decade.

"It's him, isn't it?" Hakyn said. "Duliop."

Merhen smiled at the way the name came out very blunt. It was just because he'd added it onto the end of his question after he'd already stopped talking, but it sort of sounded like he'd spat the name, which was certainly what she felt like doing.

"He just does something to me," Merhen explained. "I'm like a little girl again."

"But you two seem to get along so well," Hakyn said. "Much better than me andmy brother, to be honest."

"Oh, I know it seems that way," Merhen said. "That's part of what's so frustrating."

Hakyn hooked his thumbs around the straps that attached the front of his tunic to the back. He was a big man, all biceps and sharp elbows that stuck right out. It felt good to have him in her corner. Although she probably didn't want Duliop to see how much comfort he brought her - knowing him he'd find a way to ruin it.

There was a knock on the door, and the chattering stopped.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Hakyn asked, turning around to follow her as she made for the door.

"Nope," she said, then pulled the door open.

Luckily Duliop was a few rows back from the front, so she was able to engage someone closer to her in conversation as she led the crowd around to their seats. The room had on one side a semi-circle of tall padded chairs, each accompanied by a high side table and a jug of water. On the other side was rows of raised seating, slightly cramped chairs but they'd been built into the wood and everybody seemed to think that was marvellous. This was most likely because it was never anybody's turn to put the chairs away after an important meeting. Actually maybe it had just been Holyon gushing about them - more of than not it was he who got stuck with this job.

In the middle of the room, facing the semi-circle, was a desk. This was where she had been sitting before she let the crowd in, and it was where she returned to now, with Hakyn taking his place in the chair next to her. The semi-circle of council chairs were filled by various dukes from the different regions from the kingdom - though Resador had sent a stand-in. This was normal, since it took so long to travel up, it was generally considered best not to take Resador's main ruler away unless it was for emergencies. And this, hopefully, would not qualify as an emergency. It was a simple border skirmish, nothing more. She intended to tell Duliop this as soon as she got the chance, authorise a force to deal with it, then have it be over.

Once everybody seemed settled - including Duliop in his chair in the middle of the semi-circle, facing straight at her - Merhen called out to check that minutes were being taken.

"On it, your Majesty!" Holyon called. Merhen looked around and saw his lanky frame squeezed into a chair right down the front, with a wooden board and some paper balanced on his lap. She realised that she really ought to get him a desk as well.

"Well," she said, turning back to the council, "I call this meeting to order."

---

"Okay, so," Erson said, running his finger along the first line of text. "It says that my mum called the meeting to order, and asked that the specifics of the unrest be detailed."

"Wasn't it just like somebody fighting over a stray sheep at first?" Buck asked.

Erson didn't look up, but muttered, "I heard goat. Anyway, here it says that there were three confirmed raids over a period of a week. Not even on an army, just on the shepherds who happened to be near the border at the time. This whole conflict does seem awfully sudden actually. Holyon's even written in that there were 'murmurs of disquiet' as that was reported."

Those were the most words Erson had said to Buck in several weeks and Buck didn't even mind that he'd not looked at him once while doing it.

"So after that, mum asks if any council member in particular has a preference for how big a force is sent to deal with this," Erson said. He frowned, and went quiet for a moment.

"Uh, Erson?" Pires said, nudging her foot with his beneath her desk. She was sat on one side, with Buck, Erson and Alkset on the other.

"Sorry, yes," he said. "The next person who spoke was my uncle Duliop. He's kind of an ass. My mum hates him. I mean, she thinks I don't know that, but she hates him."

"Do you know why?" Alkset asked, tilting her head to the side. Erson didn't look up at her either. That was almost certainly because he was embarrassed to be airing his family drama in front of a foreign diplomat, but Buck felt comforted that he was not alone anyway.

Erson shrugged and scanned the next few lines of text. "He's nice to me, but he is kind of smug sometimes. Anyways, mum says that we should send a regular sized patrol, to see if the danger remains or if it has been dealt with by the Fehranden authorities - that's the region just across the border, Alkset."

"I see," Alkset said. She frowned. "How did you end up at a whole army marching up then?"

Erson murmured under his breath as he read the next few lines. He looked up, finally, at Buck. "You met Holyon, right?"

Buck nodded vigorously. "Yeah! He was a great help in setting up the court." He quickly turned to Alkset and explained, "I took a trip to Resador recently. Pires was a bit tied up and couldn't go."

Alkset looked at him with slight confusion, shaking her head. "I, uh - okay, sure. Sounds like a lovely time?"

Buck internally winced and realised that maybe not every little thing was going to unravel his image.

"Anyways," Erson said, catching Buck's gaze. "He's being very... Holyon about it. It's like he's commentating on a joust. Here, take this."

Erson handed the parchment to Buck, who quickly scanned the page to figure out where he'd stopped. Most of it was a line at a time, lots of abbreviations and use of people's initials. The next few lines were huge paragraphs, written in screes of chaotic handwriting.

He read aloud, using hand gestures to add drama, and lowering his volume to add suspense, "The crowd hushes as Merhen looks at her brother. Her brother, well he coughs, sort of clears his throat. Oh, come on, we all know that as a laugh. Duliop just laughed at Merhen's frankly quite reasonable suggestion. And I suppose, folks, it is time once again, to watch these two battle it out."

When Buck looked up, Erson had pressed a fingertip into each of his tightly closed eyes. "I wasn't necessarily suggesting you re-enact it, but I should have known what I was getting myself in for. Anyway, what in the world does that mean? My uncle laughed at my mum and suddenly we're at war?"

Erson didn't make any move to take the parchment back, so Buck just kept reading.


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Sun Sep 13, 2020 1:22 am
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JabberHut wrote a review...



Oooooh this is a fun PoV switch, if only temporary, but I like how it sets up the scene for Erson reading the letter. It's like a cool flashback you'd see in TV shows or something, just to give a face and feel to the event we're about to describe. It's really neat, and I think it worked super well here. Especially considering that Mehren isn't seen as a stoic, cranky, bitter mother/queen here but rather looks a lot like Erson -- a level-headed ruler with still a human-amount of anxiety, hoping for the best of a significant meeting.

But still the bitter part of her is there, considering this hatred for her brother. XD I know Erson doesn't really go into detail about it, but it is peculiar that Mehren hates him so much. Surely, he did something to trigger that. I wonder if we'll find that out later, or if the sibling rivalry really is just that strong.

I was left kind of confused and reread the discussion a few times, I think Erson never really tells us what Duliop actually says. He just says Duliop speaks next and then we never know. XD But I'm guessing Duliop was the one vouching for a larger force to roll over their enemies. And maybe the next chapter goes into this further 'cause I want to know what happened so bad. But instead, it is time for Jabber Speculates!

The meeting opened up with Mehren asking for the specifics about what the skirmishes have been like, and it definitely sounds suspiciously larger than just a scuffle. It almost sounds like a purposeful attack on the shepherds' trade/property, and I totally love that Erson immediately considered the suddenness of this large attack as well. Once again, he's the awesome problem-solver that I'm pretty much relying on moving the investigation forward. It's awesome!

I do kinda wish we had met Duliop beforehand, but maybe we did too and I had forgotten. Unless he's, like, dead or indisposed or something. Then mentioning him beforehand might be good or... I dunno, I guess introducing a new wrench in the plot without much foreshadowing seems pretty sudden to me (the wrench being Duliop and his relationship with Mehren). Even something simple like a quip from Erson's mother about his uncle, a one-liner casually dropped in conversation or something small to at least mention Duliop's existence. (This could also just be a result of LMS/first draftness, I'm just spewing words out.)

I'll have to speculate more after the next segment. I glanced at it, and it looks like we continue to read the letter, so that will give me more pieces to properly speculate with.

I did appreciate Alkset asking Erson if he knew why Mehren hates Duliop. I feel this was a totally normal question to ask and doesn't sound like she's digging for information because... well, I would totally ask the same question out of pure curiosity. Nonetheless, I wonder if Erson is withholding some family drama... dun dun DUUUUN.

I LOVE how Buck just freaking reads the commentary as entertainment and I totally laughed and enjoyed imagining it in my head. And Erson's reaction is spot-on. And I love that their chemistry is still so good after the brief fight they had a few chapters ago.

I know this review is pretty skimpy, but I feel like the meat of this chapter might be in the next segment, so hopefully that one will be a little more beneficial. :D At this point, I just want more of this meeting and figure out what exactly this whole skirmish thing is about, then piece it together with what I know about Erson and Mehren's visit at the beginning of the novel. SUPER stoked about getting some more answers though!!




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Sat Sep 12, 2020 6:57 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hooray we're back! Glad you've posted another chapter of this. I had to go back and reread your last post because I couldn't work out how this linked in. I think that's more an effect of reading posts at separate intervals but just wanted to mention in case you want to note it when doing revisions. I think it will probably work when reading the book as a whole but I'm not 100%.

Not that I would blame you if you never did - what with your parents involving you so little in matters of warfare, it would be understandable if you in turn had no interest in the subject, or even felt offended by its being raised.

Oop, super long sentence. It was a little tricky to read.

Six months previously

Could you make this bold or italic to make it clearer? (appreciate this might just be YWS formatting)

"I'm like a little girl again."

Personally, I think this would be better as 'it's like I'm a little girl again'

He was a big man, all biceps and sharp elbows that stuck right out. It felt good to have him in her corner.

I really liked this description.

"Well," she said, turning back to the council, "I call this meeting to order."

Ok, I found the whole of this a little hard to read but I think that's because I'm so used to reading Buck/Erson/Pires that actually having to focus for this threw me off a bit! As I said at the start, I don't think this would be so bad if I was reading it as a book, it's more the gap between me reading sections. But if you ever want this read in a whole chunk we can check whether that's the case!

"Sorry, yes," he said. "The next person who spoke was my uncle Duliop. He's kind of an ass. My mum hates him. I mean, she thinks I don't know that, but she hates him."

I love this. That's such a parent thing, to pretend she doesn't hate him in front of her children even though they totally know.

"Do you know why?" Alkset asked, tilting her head to the side.

Hmm, why does she want to know?

Buck internally winced and realised that maybe not every little thing was going to unravel his image.

Yes, Buck, stop over explaining!

"Anyways," Erson said, catching Buck's gaze.

Ooh, he looked at Buck!

My uncle laughed at my mum and suddenly we're at war?"

Oh booooy! Ok, suddenly the bit at the beginnning makes a lot more sense, so that's good. I can't help but wonder if having both the letter and the six months earlier next to each other causes unnecessary confusion? Perhaps a bit of explanation in between?

Anyway, that's all from me! Hope this helped <3

Icy




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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to do that review…took longer than I would have liked because of a power cut that took me off the internet for like half the day. :)

First Impression: Hmm...I already like where this chapter appears to be headed. We've got ourselves a nice basic introduction to this war situation. It felt almost sidelined for a while but it appears that things are going to get a bit more detailed in that particular subplot. A couple of wonderful character introductions too in this one, we immediately get ourselves a baseline impression of both Hakyn and Duliop which is really nice to see.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Dearest Prince,

I was wondering if you'd get around to asking about this, you know. Not that I would blame you if you never did - what with your parents involving you so little in matters of warfare, it would be understandable if you in turn had no interest in the subject, or even felt offended by its being raised. In any case, I had kept these notes handy in my capacity as Royal Clerk - yes, I know, yet another job - so that I'd have the facts straight in the event you did come to me. I don't relish the thought of sending them off like this but for you, our Prince, anything. Please tell Princess Myal that if she needs something sent from home, she too has only to ask.

Your most loyal of servants,

Holyon


Well that's a very interesting note to start things off here. Definitely upping the intrigue factor right away...Is it bad that I've forgotten who Holyon is by this point?

The chatter was building up rapidly just outside Merhen's suite. She glanced over the shoulder of her husband, Hakyn, and checked the small golden disc of the clock, set in a dark wooden frame that swooped up to hug the clock face tightly, then back down on the other side. She watched the second-hand tick, admiring the teardrop shape in the ironwork at its tip.


Merhen nodded. It was true, pressure normally gave her adrenaline, of a sort that didn't manifest as nervous energy. She could travel around their kingdom and discuss all sorts of matters with the various dukes and duchesses. She could even raise two very different royal children and teach them the values of duty, and the importance of co-operating with each other. But there was one person in the world that could drive her to such distraction that she spent hours at a time observing the features of a clock she'd owned for well over a decade.


Well it looks like we are going to be meeting a really interesting character right about now...or was she referring to Hakyn.

Luckily Duliop was a few rows back from the front, so she was able to engage someone closer to her in conversation as she led the crowd around to their seats. The room had on one side a semi-circle of tall padded chairs, each accompanied by a high side table and a jug of water. On the other side was rows of raised seating, slightly cramped chairs but they'd been built into the wood and everybody seemed to think that was marvellous. This was most likely because it was never anybody's turn to put the chairs away after an important meeting. Actually maybe it had just been Holyon gushing about them - more of than not it was he who got stuck with this job.


I think you meant to say often there. And also that's a pretty neat description.

"Okay, so," Erson said, running his finger along the first line of text. "It says that my mum called the meeting to order, and asked that the specifics of the unrest be detailed."

"Wasn't it just like somebody fighting over a stray sheep at first?" Buck asked.


Ahhh i see we be getting a bit of a flashback situation about the war in this one. That was done really well there. Its nice to get a sense of what the queen was thinking as she made a decision like that.

"Sorry, yes," he said. "The next person who spoke was my uncle Duliop. He's kind of an ass. My mum hates him. I mean, she thinks I don't know that, but she hates him."


Ooh that very subtle phrasing earlier was really well now that I have confirmation here. Mentioning it in that way rather than outright saying brother was a really good choice there.

Buck nodded vigorously. "Yeah! He was a great help in setting up the court." He quickly turned to Alkset and explained, "I took a trip to Resador recently. Pires was a bit tied up and couldn't go."

Alkset looked at him with slight confusion, shaking her head. "I, uh - okay, sure. Sounds like a lovely time?"

Buck internally winced and realised that maybe not every little thing was going to unravel his image.


Well that's a bit that I wasn't expecting to find in this.

"The crowd hushes as Merhen looks at her brother. Her brother, well he coughs, sort of clears his throat. Oh, come on, we all know that as a laugh. Duliop just laughed at Merhen's frankly quite reasonable suggestion. And I suppose, folks, it is time once again, to watch these two battle it out."


Well clearly someone was really bored here and I can see that this definitely does add an extra touch to the whole affair. Erson's question is a really nice place to end things on...drawing attention to that one point. I can't help but wonder if we're being given a clue or is this misdirection...Guess I'll read the next part to find out.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this is a nice new direction to take things in that you've begun here. Let's see where this ends up going in the next one. So far I'm really liking where the plot s headed and picturing Buck dramatically reenacting commentary about a war council meeting is making me laugh unusually hard. (Also that is a sentence I didn't think I would be saying today)

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





If you run now, you will be running the rest of your life.
— Reborn