z

Young Writers Society



A Fool's Bucket - Ch. 7.1

by ExOmelas


A/N: This first chapter seems weirdly short now that I look at it. There's more details about their journey dotted throughout, and one allusion to intel gathered, but that will come in more in the next chapter part when they do a sort of debrief thing. This chapter is basically me being excited about a new setting and attempting to world-build in a vaguely realistic way xD

---

They travelled for another nine days before they finally reached the Royal Valley. It was an enormous grassy bowl in the land, with wide tracks zig-zagging back and forth on the way down.

"Woah," Hilene said, bringing his horse up beside Buck's. The ground climbed before it reached the valley, so none of them had been able to see it as they climbed the muddy track.

"Yeah," Buck said, smiling at the little patches of activity dotted around the valley's sides. Livestock, shepherds, cowherds, then farther off towards the east end there would be crop farmers too far away to see. "It's just like I remember."

"You remember this?" Victane asked. "I thought you were just a little boy when you came south."

"True, but..." Buck gestured towards the sight before them. The image of his last look back over his mother's shoulder had been firmly lodged in his memory for almost his entire life.

"Fair enough," Victane said, "It is a wonder."

Buck nodded. He pointed down to the valley floor, where a low, sprawling building lay at the centre. It was mostly made of stone, but there were wooden sections tacked on here and there towards the outer extremities. "That's the palace down there. Population growth happened here just as much as down in Resador. Trade with the lands of the south brought medicines up here from Resador, but this is the oldest palace in the nation. And it's so sturdy it would've taken more effort than it was worth to demolish it. So, in lieu of building a more modern building, wings have been stuck on the end of corridors and doors installed all around the sides."

Both guards glanced sideways at Buck.

He shrugged. "I had drinks with a very opinionated architect in the tavern last night."

The guards chuckled, and the three of them started their horses down the zig-zag paths. The valley's sides were of a luscious, well-tended green grass, which had been typical of the journey for the last few days. Most of what they'd travelled through had been soft, rolling hills, with a few short, craggy peaks every so often. Buck wasn't sure he'd seen this much green since the last time he'd painted his face the colour - green was for trade proposals.

"I love this," Hilene said, as he'd said several times a day recently. He was looking around with wide, giddy eyes, waving hello to any cows or sheep they passed. There were small cottages at regular intervals, where a children could sometimes be seen running around and playing. The place screamed idyllic until you stepped in a cowpat, though even then it seemed pleasantly warm and soft.

As they hit their first turn in the path, one of the shepherds called out, "I thought you'd be the prince!"

Buck twisted around to face him, having just begun the turn. "Sorry?"

The shepherd, a young man with shoulder-length shaggy blond hair, leant on a haphazard stone wall that marked out his pasture. "The prince. We all thought him and the queen would be back by now. So when I saw you lot coming over the ridge, I thought you might be our royal highnesses coming home."

"Have you got your hopes up every time someone's come down the valley?" Buck asked, reigning his horse back a bit to stop and talk to him.

The shepherd shrugged. "Not been many of those. Everyone's heading down your way the past couple of weeks. I think folks want to see what all the fuss is that's keeping Erson so busy." He chuckled to himself. "I do wonder myself what amusement he's found with that Duchess lady."

Buck felt his shoulders tense but did his best not to let anything show on his face. There was very little about that sentence that hadn't set off some sort of alarm bell. "What do you mean 'our way'?"

The shepherd nodded towards Hilene. "Don't get many with his complexion away up here."

At this, Buck couldn't help his eyes widening. "Alright... Well, why aren't you following your prince down to Resador?"

The shepherd scratched his head and stood up straight, starting to lean away from the wall. "Ah, the queen. She, er, doesn't like me all that much."

Buck frowned. He had more questions, and this was ringing a bell somewhere in his mind, but the shepherd was already waving goodbye and heading back to his flock. He turned to Hilene. "You alright?"

Hilene shrugged. "I guess. I mean, it makes sense, right? Most everyone with my skin colour has southern blood. My dad was actually from one of the southern islands."

"Okay," Buck said, starting his horse moving again. He chewed his lip the rest of the way down though, remembering stories his mother had told about opposition to trade with the southern islands. It had been part of what repelled his father and motivated him to move south, that closed-mindedness. Buck wondered if that still pervaded the queen's court.

The shepherds were very spaced out around the wide valley, so they didn't meet another until they veered west at the valley floor to head towards the official entrance of the palace. Buck couldn't quite remember the location of his mother's land, so he was going to have to ask someone.

But just as he was turning inward onto the only cobbled road in the valley, there was a call from far up above. He wheeled his horse around to see a woman in a thick woollen plaid and skirt tearing down the hillside. Buck grinned and dismounted, running up to meet her.

"Mum!" he screamed, his legs powering him forward with all the muscle he'd built up from dancing around like a fool since his childhood. Her face was red and her hair was coming undone from her bun, but she didn't slow down. In fact, when they met, they were travelling so fast that they winded each other. They held each other tight, squeezing and turning in circles.

"Butty, butty, butty," his mum whispered into his hair.

Buck giggled at his childhood nickname and, with a deep breath, took a step back. "Hi, mum."

She had the same round face, with slightly more wrinkles than he remembered, and a smile that made him happier than all the beautiful scenery around.

"Oh, who are your friends?" she asked, as Hilene and Victane made their way up the slope.

Buck looked around and pointed to each in turn. "Hilene, Victane, this is my mum, Dorea. Mum, this is Hilene, and this is Victane. They've come with me from... actually it's a long story. Fancy giving me the floor to tell it?"

Dorea offered a quick bow to each of them in turn, then looked back at Buck and said, "It would be my honour." Then she chuckled and said, "Or whatever it is they say down there. Come, come, I'll pop the kettle on."


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
4096 Reviews


Points: 253363
Reviews: 4096

Donate
Tue Jun 23, 2020 1:50 pm
View Likes
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)

Beginning Chapter 7 which I hope to finish today and then get to the rest over the course of the next two days.

First Impression: Nice reunion there. Good idea to do a time skip. It would have gotten pretty boring otherwise.

Anyway let's get on with it,

"True, but..." Buck gestured towards the sight before them. The image of his last look back over his mother's shoulder had been firmly lodged in his memory for almost his entire life.


That's a nice moment there.

Buck nodded. He pointed down to the valley floor, where a low, sprawling building lay at the centre. It was mostly made of stone, but there were wooden sections tacked on here and there towards the outer extremities. "That's the palace down there. Population growth happened here just as much as down in Resador. Trade with the lands of the south brought medicines up here from Resador, but this is the oldest palace in the nation. And it's so sturdy it would've taken more effort than it was worth to demolish it. So, in lieu of building a more modern building, wings have been stuck on the end of corridors and doors installed all around the sides."


Great description.

He shrugged. "I had drinks with a very opinionated architect in the tavern last night."


*falls off chair with laughter*

The place screamed idyllic until you stepped in a cowpat, though even then it seemed pleasantly warm and soft.


I think I've said this far too many times already but I love the way you write humor into this.

The shepherd, a young man with shoulder-length shaggy blond hair, leant on a haphazard stone wall that marked out his pasture. "The prince. We all thought him and the queen would be back by now. So when I saw you lot coming over the ridge, I thought you might be our royal highnesses coming home."


Wouldn't the prince have like a carriage and a retinue of guards and stuff? Mistaking three dudes on horses for that seems unlikely.

"Okay," Buck said, starting his horse moving again. He chewed his lip the rest of the way down though, remembering stories his mother had told about opposition to trade with the southern islands. It had been part of what repelled his father and motivated him to move south, that closed-mindedness. Buck wondered if that still pervaded the queen's court.


That adds an interesting new dimension to this whole thing. I like that addition.

But just as he was turning inward onto the only cobbled road in the valley, there was a call from far up above. He wheeled his horse around to see a woman in a thick woollen plaid and skirt tearing down the hillside. Buck grinned and dismounted, running up to meet her.


Even after all that time she still recognizes him. Now that's definitely a mother.

"Butty, butty, butty," his mum whispered into his hair.


*pales when he realizes the jokes that could be made out of this main character's name*

Dorea offered a quick bow to each of them in turn, then looked back at Buck and said, "It would be my honour." Then she chuckled and said, "Or whatever it is they say down there. Come, come, I'll pop the kettle on."


And a good little ending there.

And that's it for this.

Overall: Some lovely descriptions in this one. Also looks like a great relationship between Buck and his mother.

As always take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
557 Reviews


Points: 33593
Reviews: 557

Donate
Tue Mar 31, 2020 12:00 am
View Likes
Ventomology wrote a review...



Hello hello hello!

Okay first: HAHAHA HE HAD A TALK WITH AN OPINIONATED ARCHITECT!!! <3 So perfect. As a student of architecture, I must applaud. Also all architects are opinionated. We're just terrible like that.

In the interest of full disclosure, and depending on the era this setting is based in (if it is based in one at all) you probably would not have just 'run-into' an architect outside of Greece before the mid 1800s. The term is fairly modern (and also... Greek), and in most of Europe, people that we would today consider architects were referred to as master masons and carpenters. That being said, a modern audience probably wouldn't get that. It's just an interesting fact.

Second: I was a little thrown off by the shepherd commenting that the queen didn't like him? Like, yes, it's already been shown that the royalty and general upper crust of this story are a little more involved with their subjects than I'm used to seeing, but it seems odd that one particular shepherd is out of favor. When and where would he have met the queen? I'm hoping we'll see more of him, or that we'll see more of subject/ruler interactions so that it's more clear where those kinds of opinions get formed.

And last, of course: Butty! Ahhh! That's so adorable and also made me laugh so hard. Please please please let Victane and Hilene point use this nickname for teasing. And also everyone else.

I think Jabber covered everything with the whole ethnic tensions thing that I would have said, so nothing to add there. Great work as usual! Hopefully I'll get in another part during review day?
-Vento




User avatar
1464 Reviews


Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464

Donate
Fri Jan 10, 2020 4:49 pm
JabberHut wrote a review...



This whole segment made me so happy. I loved the atmosphere, and you did such a great job making it feel so peaceful and simple. Also, Hilene was freaking ADORABLE just waving at cows and omf. city boi <3

The opening was just so wonderful. The description of the valley was very simple, but it was enough to make me feel a certain serenity. The characters' dialogue helped a lot with that as well. Everyone was just feeling so blissful at the sight. Just Hilene's reaction was enough to indicate how vastly different it is from Resador life. He makes such a good character to have around due to his being new to the area. In fact, now I worry for him and his ignorance because I really hope the racism doesn't get too extreme for him. I love Hilene don't hurt him plz ;_;

Though I do feel bad I don't remember if his skin color was mentioned before. If not, mentioning it could be good foreshadowing if it comes into play later.

Also, I loved the bit where Buck shared some of that "intel" from the bar. XD Such a clever tieback to that scene to show that they didn't get NOTHING out of mingling with everyone, no matter how miniscule the information. Plus, it plays so well on this style of humor. It made me giggle.

IT MADE HILENE CHUCKLE TOO, I'M JUST SAYING. Seeing Hilene just so much more relaxed out here is so much fun to watch. I giggled at his waving at cows and like omg he is an adorable child. And again, he is used extremely well as someone who's never been in the area before. It's such a useful way to get a feel for the area and all that the characters see or interact with.

I like this exchange between Buck and the shepherd. I did also picture Victane kinda in on the conversation too since they're technically Buck's guards right now, so I imagine he'd have something to say in the discussion or maybe show some uneasy expression with the way the shepherd addressed Hilene's skin color.

This also could just be a culture difference, but I didn't think anything of the shepherd's use of the phrase "your way" since it felt like a normal indication of the direction in which Resador was located. I know "your way" can be used in other contexts as a negative jab at someone's difference, but I didn't really get that connotation here. I went with it, though, since Buck thought differently and asked the question that brought up the racist issue in the first place. So it could just be how this dialect uses the phrase, and Buck, being familiar with the area and jargon used, pounced on it immediately. It's certainly something I will be looking for in the future now that I'm made aware of it!

I thought you did a great job with this shepherd's character, too. It's very fitting for people in rural areas to be a little less guarded in their words. They don't always mean to be rude, they just don't have the practice city folks do when it comes to political correctness, and I feel like you played that really well here. I had no feeling that this shepherd meant to be rude in any way, he was just saying it like it is in an unfiltered and honest fashion. It's a very distinct personality, and it worked well to get a feel for the life of people in this area.

That said, PLEASE DON'T HURT HILENE. He's being so strong and understanding, but he's also still a guard and just. I just hope he's gonna be okay. ;_;

OH and the tidbit the shepherd mentioned about the queen not liking him. This was totally huge for us because it confirms the queen's relations with the shepherds. This rift between the monarch and the rural farmers is such a relatable and common issue to dive into, so I'm really excited to see how this plays out. The queen likes her lamb, and I think she also regrets sending the shepherds to war? I know you made some changes/edits do that discussion before, but I hadn't gone back to see if anything new was introduced. But now we see the shepherd's point of view, and he says the queen dislikes him. How intriguing! //thinkingface

BUCK'S MOTHER IS ADORABLE. For the simple fact that she calls him Butty makes me so freaking happy. Butty, Butty, Butty! Like OF COURSE SHE'D CALL HIM THIS. It makes me so happy. She's so lovely and friendly and welcomes the guards in without question and I just. omg mama <3





"What is a poet? An unhappy person who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music."
— Søren Kierkegaard, Philosopher & Theologian