Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever one it is in your part of the world)
Back for the next part.
First Impression: First of all this is a great character. It has an amazing undercurrent of humor in the right areas. Some stories try to force humor from everything but this incorporates it very naturally and the effect is amazing. Also I love spiders so I love that adorable little creature you introduced there.
Victane chuckled and said, “Hello, Bucket.” He was a wide-shouldered old man with bristling white hair and an enormous moustache. He always wore the thick, dark brown coat and breeches that had been the uniform of the city guard in the time of the current Duchess’s father. Having not personally carried out a single order in the last decade or so, he nudged the other guard and said, “Hilene, going to let our young friend in?” He turned back to Buck and said, “So, how did it go out there?”
That's a great description that hints at his personality as well so great introduction to that character.
“Good work, good work. I’ll see you tonight at the Prince’s dinner, young man, yes?” Victane said, patting him on the back as the other guard stopped playing with a little puzzle box long enough to let him through.
This makes me think of a Rubiks cube.
In most directions, the city had been expanding for years, which was why it was guarded by collapsible gates rather than more permanent walls.
The logistics of that seem a little shaky but then in this sort of story that's not important I guess.
The tree was one of those huge oaks that had grown all over the north west for thousands of years. But the Duchess had managed to pay an expert botanist to import one all the way down to Resador and implement some mechanisms to keep it cool. It had been a tough sell, even at the price the Duchess offered, but given Buck’s father’s history with cooling mechanisms, and his resulting absence from Buck’s life, the botanist had found a way to get it done. The Duchess was still paying him off with the tourist revenue it brought in.
This is some great backstory on the tree house and to answer your question do not dare cut this part. It's lovely.
She was almost exactly like a spider, except she had a long, thin, wavy tail and the ability to follow some commands, such as shoving a rope out a window when she smelled spice.
This last part is implied so I don't think you have to spell it out for the readers.
The treehouse was only one very tall wooden room which had a sleeping platform mounted halfway up. He slept in a narrow but soft bed above the rest of his room, which contained mostly mountains of brightly coloured clothes scattered over the floor, and dark wooden chests of face paints and other makeup. There was no privy, the whole thing being three metres up in the air, so he mostly used some communal facilities further into the city. Today, like most days, he didn’t intend on spending much time at home.
This is a great description and to answer you're question from above I think this part is great and definitely does not need to be chopped.
She had a desk set up in the far left corner, near a window but firmly to the side so that she couldn’t be seen. On that desk was a high stack of papers that still sat on the left hand side, not yet touched. Buck stepped forward and pulled the chair out from the front of the desk as she swept around in her flowing grey robes to sit on the other side.
A nice little description there. Gives a good sense of where the characters are in relation to each other.
Buck and Pires often engaged in a rapid fire back and forth where they repeated what the other said and riffed off each other. But not today, apparently.
This is implied pretty well in the previous part so it doesn't need to be mentioned here. This feels like you're spoon feeding the readers a bit too much.
“What exactly do you have planned for tonight?” Buck asked, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
Pires took a deep breath – was she nervous? Since when was she ever nervous?
“I intend to propose marriage to Prince Erson.”
“Your marriage?” Buck exclaimed, leaning right forward without meaning to.
“Yes, my marriage. Who else’s?” Pires crossed her arms and stared at him. “Well, thoughts?”
Buck held a gaze for a moment, then looked down and caught sight of his clothes. “Oh Gods, that’s a whole other colour.”
I love the way this is delivered. Makes you want to immediately go click on the next chapter and Imma go do that right know.
Overall: Fun little chapter. Nothing I could see in terms of grammar or punctuation error or at least if there were errors I didn't see them.
And remember to take what you think is useful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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