A Fool's Bucket - Ch. 2.2

by ExOmelas

Published October 23, 2019

In A Fool's Bucket

A/N: I forgot that YWS formatting makes songs look less pretty. Hope it's not too hard to separate the song from the prose. Also I hope it's okay that it's in italics for when Buck's singing. I wasn't sure what to do about speech marks.

---

A man came from the North one day,

He brought his son and wife.

Soon they found a place to stay,

And they began their life.

Buck hoped the simple iambic four-foot, three-foot lines wouldn’t be too disappointing for his audience, who were used to short tail lines and him harmonising with himself.

Well science was this North man’s trade.

Back home he made his name.

There were pulley systems that he’d made,

And this device secured his fame.

He winced as the word ‘pulley’ came out of his mouth. Such a vulgar matter for the sorrowful tune he’d employed. It was an old ballad tune, about a girl whose brother deemed her true love unworthy and killed him on the moors. And he was using it to sing about squeaking rope mechanisms.

To operate take a water bag,

And freeze ice underground.

Then on the pulley system snag,

And on your body strap it round.

Why had he chosen such short second and fourth lines? If his audience weren’t lost by now then there was no way they understood the purpose of the device his father had invented. It was a cooling device, some packs of ice strapped to a frame of pliable wood that could be wrapped loosely around a person’s body. It kept them cool no matter the weather.

And yet this man he never told,

How worked his cooling frame.

The ice had no right to stay cold,

And yet this chill it stayed the same.

That was something that had been lost the same day as his father, his secret. Others had worked with him on the project over the years, but when it came time to ensure the ice stayed frozen, he was said to have always banished his workers from the room.

Now down South this man found luck,

Someone bought his system.

For in the heat the South was stuck.

And made many tasks hard for them.

On the extended second syllable of ‘system’ he made sure to pronounce it so it would rhyme with ‘them’, and remembered why he usually spent longer than ten minutes writing a song.

It was the Duchess who from him bought.

She’d had a clever notion.

There was an island that she sought,

Far out in the ocean.

Buck’s own eyebrows raised in the acid in his tone. He wasn’t that angry at Pires, was he? She made a mistake, and she’d taken him in. He couldn’t hold one mistake against her forever, not even this one.

Further south than she’d ever gone,

She could not go alone.

For long hard days the hot sun shone,

And made heavy their bones.

But the device it functioned perfectly,

To enable exploration.

So out he sailed south down the sea,

In a ship of his proud nation.

There was a slight titter, where there should have been a cheer, at the word ‘nation’. Buck risked a glance up from his lute and took in the various groups before him. Most of the folks at the big long table either had tankards frozen halfway to their mouths, or their faces furrowed deep in frowns. One or two had their arms folded and were leaning back, as if testing him to see how long he could keep this sappy stuff up for. Although, Buck supposed he hadn’t really got to the sappy part yet. They were probably just confused.

But so far he had just one frame,

So he sailed out solo.

Soon the sun was like a naked flame.

And so his experiment was go.

He wrapped the frame around himself.

His temperature dropped.

One day I swear I’ll know myself,

But here is where my knowledge stops.

It had taken Buck a while to decide to include first person pronouns. He always sang songs about zany characters on their adventures, or he sang about the city as a whole. But it had come out that way on the page, and he supposed he shouldn’t question the artistic flow.

The next I know he was on the land,

And walking sunstroke free.

He strolled all day along the sand,

And made camp just up from the sea.

When morning rose he roamed around,

Spied treasures across the place.

The piles and piles of what he found,

Spread a grin across his face.

Buck’s tone veered towards cutting again and he nearly broke a string as he strummed. There were two idiots in this story, after all.

After a week he took his prize,

And went back on his boat.

Under frying sun and dazzling skies,

And then back home began to float.

On his return he loud was hailed,

The Duchess bought his haul.

All men around knew where he sailed,

And how he loved to lap up it all.

Buck could feel his nostrils flaring now. He didn’t even look up. For all he knew the barman was edging on at stage left to come and wrest the lute from him.

For ten long years a team and he,

They worked as a group.

Extended it would have to be,

To work for all the troupe.

Technically it had only been nine years, but ten sounded better as a line to Buck. Even in an angry writing frenzy he had enough sense to switch that around.

The next trip was much larger planned,

The cool must circle round

All of the expedition’s band,

To further inspect what he had found.

Perhaps one day I shall know more,

About my dad’s machine.

But as they headed to explore,

Its secret was not seen.

Well, now he’d really gone for it. The song was what it said it was.

Equipped all were with icy rope.

They landed on the shore.

Their hearts were high with dreams and hope,

Of finding treasures more.

But not for long did their dreams last,

For soon they were attacked.

Startled were they by a cannon blast.

The odds were clearly stacked.

Surrounded they were on every side,

These men sent them away.

On open beach you cannot hide.

So the group did end their day.

Buck took a deep breath and wished he could stop the song there, that the story stopped there. But he had to keep going. He had to get this out once and for all. He shut off his brain, and continued.

But nothing was could stop this man,

Who’d packed his frame of old.

He took it from his bag and ran,

Happy, free and cold.

There’s none that know what he saw then.

He was not gone for long.

On board the ship waited the men,

Peering overboard at the throng.

He blamed his bladder when he got back,

And told the ship to sail.

But with treasure hidden in his pack,

His escape was doomed to fail.

The ship did soon catch up to them,

The prow slid through the water.

The man knew where the trouble stemmed.

His brow was getting hotter.

They were caught up after moments.

Aboard their pursuers came.

They barked orders and were incensed.

The crew obeyed the same.

His attention was drawn back to the moment by that meaningless last line of the stanza. It ought to have been ‘all the same’, but he hadn’t been able to find the syllables. Nowhere near the biggest mistake in this song, though.

They brought them back to Resador,

The man locked in the hold.

An audience was called for,

And soon the Duchess told.

When she arrived they had demands,

Their captive to retain.

It seemed these men had claimed the lands,

And would not leave again.

The Duchess thought on what they said.

They wanted his clever mind.

Finally she her pronouncement read,

That she would trade in kind.

She offered this mind for one of theirs,

But they declined the trade.

The Duchess saw the crew’s frightened stares,

And knew the game was played.

And so to them she gave the man,

And then away they sailed.

On and on time and years ran,

And very soon the matter paled.

There it rested for many a moon.

The family found a way.

It started all to change soon.

Only the son was able to stay.

Buck’s voice cracked a little. He couldn’t break down though, not while his metre was breaking down for him. He’d started to get really late for meeting Misene and Rydone towards the end of writing.

The mother North to family fled,

And taken in was the son.

It was a charity act the Duchess said,

But the son he was a special one.

Before so long he’d earned his place.

The Duchess something saw.

With brilliant voice and smiling face,

His talent was wild and raw.

He tried to smile, to go along with the line. It didn’t particularly work, but he thought he’d maybe managed to unknit the frown slightly from his forehead.

She trained him well at her own court,

To wear paint coloured bright.

Performances soon became a sport,

And every song a fight.

The boy sang everything in the book,

Wrote word and tune brand new.

Every other day he changed his look.

Nothing he could not do.

But one song deep inside he kept.

It could not hurt locked away.

At the bottom of his heart it slept,

Until one fateful day.

Buck took one last deep breath to get the rest of it out.

As the plan was formed his stomach dropped,

To the bottom of his heart.

It felt like time around him stopped,

As he felt hope restart.

And now he spends each hour in fear,

Holding hope in his palm.

His vision’s now painfully clear,

But clarity brings no calm.

***

Buck wasn’t certain if that was the end of the song, but as he cleared his throat and looked up to hand the lute back, he knew he was done with singing for the night. He fidgeted with some calluses on his fingers, not thrilled at the thought of looking out toward the crowd.

“We love you, Bucket!” shouted a voice from the back.

Before he could stop himself, Buck looked up. Rydone was on her feet, dragging Misene up. Misene squirmed awkwardly as everyone looked around at him, but he pursed his lips and smiled towards Buck. The three of them – Rydone, Misene and Misene’s little brother – were waving and clapping. Maybe they’d missed the point of the song, but Buck would take it.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Jun 22, 2020

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)

Continuing with the rapid reviews

First Impression: Lovely song. I can't believe you took the time to write that whole thing. It's amazing. I'm no good at analyzing rhymes or anything technical in songs so I don't know how it does in that aspect but it is an amazing accomplishment nonetheless.

It was a cooling device, some packs of ice strapped to a frame of pliable wood that could be wrapped loosely around a person’s body. It kept them cool no matter the weather.


I really want something like this to be real. (Totally unhelpful I know but it gets really hot in the Underworld and this would be lovely)

Buck’s own eyebrows raised in the acid in his tone. He wasn’t that angry at Pires, was he? She made a mistake, and she’d taken him in.


So that's an interesting past.

Buck’s voice cracked a little. He couldn’t break down though, not while his metre was breaking down for him. He’d started to get really late for meeting Misene and Rydone towards the end of writing.


I love these little mental comments by Buck. Very realistic thoughts and they give just the right amount of exposition without it sounding too on the nose.

Buck wasn’t certain if that was the end of the song, but as he cleared his throat and looked up to hand the lute back, he knew he was done with singing for the night. He fidgeted with some calluses on his fingers, not thrilled at the thought of looking out toward the crowd.


That's also a nice little addition to show what sort of expectations the crowd usually has and how he feels bad for not having met them. Also this hidden past here sounds really interesting. His emotion is conveyed pretty well although a bit more facial expressions and body language description would go a long way to making this even more effective.

Before he could stop himself, Buck looked up. Rydone was on her feet, dragging Misene up. Misene squirmed awkwardly as everyone looked around at him, but he pursed his lips and smiled towards Buck. The three of them – Rydone, Misene and Misene’s little brother – were waving and clapping. Maybe they’d missed the point of the song, but Buck would take it.


So are they his friends? It's not made very clear in this part of the chapter.

And that's it for this one.

Overall: Great song. I loved all the little comments. They were a nice touch. It's also a nice and very creative way to give out some of his backstory. I've never seen this particular strategy before. Also nice to show the complications in the relationship between Pires and Buck. One thing though is how this mood shift happens so fast going from happy at the scheming against the prince to sad at remembering his father. If the gap between these two were bridged with some gradual change it would flow better I think. As it is the change is very sudden.

And sorry if this one was also a little short. I'm no good at songs so I avoided that and focused solely on the chapter as a whole. As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

User avatar
redvictory
Review
redvictory wrote a review Review · Mar 9, 2020

Yesssss! Finally our bard gets to sing!

I really like how you broke into the lyrics to let us peek into Buck's head as he sings. It feels really honest and genuine, as a performer it resonated a lot with me.

On the other hand, the song itself definitely needs some work. Sometimes the rhythms felt a little bit off, and to be honest it got a little lengthy, especially compared to the length of your other chapters.

But I did like the rhyme scheme! The alternating rhyming lines work really well as a tavern or story song. I'm impressed you managed to commit to it and get rhymes that worked so well!

So yeah, I think the song definitely needs a little attention, but I think you've got an awesome foundation, especially for a beginning draft! And the characterization of Buck and Co. still makes me so happy.

I would like to see how the rest of the tavern is reacting at the end there! I feel like the whole chapter was building suspense as to how people would react, then at the end all we see is Bucket's friends! Whose reactions, by the way, I love. They feel really genuine and in character.

I hope this review wasn't too negative! I really do love your writing. :) I look forward to reading another part every time I open Young Writer's Society, and so far no parts have disappointed! Can't wait to see where this goes!!

haha yeah I'll work on the song at some point, the nature of LMS is that it's a bit rushed xD I thiiiink we hear a bit about the reaction to Buck's song at the beginning of the next chapter? I had just felt like the chapter was beginning to stretch because of the song so I wanted to keep it moving. Hopefully there's enough detail :)

Thanks for the review :D

User avatar
Ventomology
Comment
Ventomology commented Comment · Oct 29, 2019

SONG SONG SONG

Also I'm falling behind yikes. Yay for midterm week.

I'm not sure what to say honestly! Like Jabber said already, the imperfections in the poem can sort of be attributed to Buck's own struggles with it. It sounds like he's been working on it for a while though, so I don't think it would hurt to clean it up.

Also I don't read a lot of story-ballads. If I had to say one thing about it though, I think the song could use more metaphor/simile. That might take a bit more time, but those things are just so crucial to a poem that it feels a little funny to not have them.

On the other hand, it is nice that we get this very clear picture of Bucket's past. I think for any other character, it would have been out of place to have the past so clearly laid out, but using a song works really well!

I'm kind of curious to know what the melody actually would sound like. Did you have something in mind? I like the little interruptions where you narrate, and maybe they could include a little bit about the music itself?

That's it! I'll get to 3.1 soon. I think.

Great work!
-Vento

Yeah there's a tune for the ballad Buck described in the narration. It's called 'The Dowie Dens of Yarrow' and it goes by this tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCM66RWZXoM

Thanks for the review :D

User avatar
StarLord
Review
StarLord wrote a review Review · Oct 28, 2019

huh, what an interesting idea for a story. i can say this is well written.
well to get started, you misspelled harmonizing hormonising, you missed a comma by the word well, and south is also missing a comma, and the word system doesn't need parenthesis i don't think...and the word days also needs a comma. and when you say leaning back, you need a comma there as well. in the word although, you could remove it.
other then those you did a nice job. i'm looking forward to more.

User avatar
JabberHut
Review
JabberHut wrote a review Review · Oct 23, 2019

YAY IT'S SONG TIME!!

It was a cooling device, some packs of ice strapped to a frame of pliable wood that could be wrapped loosely around a person’s body. It kept them warm no matter the weather.


So I'm not going to pretend like I'm a physicist or mechanical engineer or anything, but I feel like a cooling device would keep the person cool, not warm? Maybe?!

On the extended second syllable of ‘system’ he made sure to pronounce it so it would rhyme with ‘them’, and remembered why he usually spent longer than ten minutes writing a song.


LOL. What a mood.

OMG. Okay.

Considering you had to whip up a song for LMS, this is pretty dang good. XD I'm impressed, and the length of it too was equally impressive! It's definitely a great start and gets enough of the point across, I think, that your LMS can keep on trucking without a hitch.

So first, I want to summarize what I believe the song is about to make sure I caught enough of the details (for your sake and mine XD). It sounds like Buck's dad was a great inventer and had created this cooling device that was a HUGE help during exploration in the unbearable heat of the south and the treasure hunting that went on there. So helpful, in fact, that the Duchess wanted him to continue finding treasure after returning home with their first awesome discovery. As a result of this treasure hunting, though, they were captured by another... eh, state or city or whatever. The Duchess tried to negotiate to get Buck's father back, but they wouldn't budge, so the Duchess took Buck into her home as an awkward way to make up for what happened. She discovered his talent for music and entertainment. Then, of course, it ends with the recent spit of hope he got from talking to the Duchess earlier that day.

I THINK THAT'S THE GIST OF IT?

I really, really love how the song is mingled with narration of Buck's feelings. His thoughts while he wrote it, his reflections on why he went this way instead of that, his small fear that he'd be ushered off the stage because it's not his normal shtick -- it's all excellent and really helps us get into his head as he's singing this. It's also much easier to picture him singing the song when we're led back to his setting and current emotions.

Plus, his thoughts are so freaking relatable. XD

AND HIS FRIENDS ARE SO SUPPORTIVE! It makes me so happy! <3 Hopefully we'll hear later whether they actually followed the song or not. XD It would be SLIGHTLY awkward if they were the only ones who didn't actually get it. But! The song did end with hope! So it wasn't all bad?!

And finally, my favorite part in all this is how the narration actually mentioned that Buck wasn't sure the song was properly ended. This leaves a possibility to come back to it later, perhaps near the end of the novel or as the novel progresses, to continue adding on to the song until the entire piece is actually finished properly. I think it's a fun idea to at least keep in mind! Something to easily tie back to as his adventure commences.

What a fun diddy! Good work! The song itself is a little rough (like the rhythm was weird here and there or the wording a little off in some parts), but I think it does what you aimed to do for your first draft, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Well done! :D

Jabber, the One and Only!

Ahhh I'm so glad you liked it! That last paragraph of your review is pretty much what I think about the song. I wrote it on paper and even as I was typing it up I was like "oof that does not work but it's going to have to do".

You got it right yeah! Broadly it's like another civilisation of some sort that took the territory in the time between the first venture and the other. They don't really know much about them yet so Buck can't really be specific.

Thanks for the review :D

also lol at "keep them warm". fixed that now xD



The secret of being tiresome is to tell everything.
— Voltaire