Young Writers Society

Oh, this is exciting!!

First of all, I reeeally like how you showed the tension in this chapter. I feel like you pretty accurately displayed everyone's emotions in this scenario. Erson is bitter about it and not afraid to hold back his distaste (and why should he be? DEFEND YOURSELF!), Pires is holding her head high as well as she can while still feeling a little uncomfortable with recent events, and Buck is being very cautious about what he says and does.

I love how this is immediately focusing on the main story again and even goes into the history of Buck's father (AND PIRES' FATHER??). It's a crucial discussion that helps the reader refocus on the reason for everything that's happened so far and what the next step may be. But also important in that Erson is now somewhat caught up with what's happening. So not only are we seeing Pires continue moving her plans forward, but Erson is now discovering where his part will be in all this.

and he's NOT afraid to use it for personal gain. After the entirety of Pires' discussion, I LOOOOOOOVE how you ended the piece with Erson's personal goal too. He intends to make changes in the world today, and much like how Pires and Buck manipulated him, he's goin to use them to forward his own agenda too. IT'S SO GOOD.

It had never occurred to me that Pires might not know about Simone, but he never really shows her off to anyone. She's always hidden in the bucket if anywhere, so that totally lines up and idk why I hadn't noticed that. But I wonder if Pires really knows, and if she doesn't, will she care when she finds out? Would she like Simone? Would she turn on Buck if she finds out about Simone?

Erson is the most interesting in this bit. He's represented so well here, and I like how down-to-business he is. He has small quips here and there, and he didn't even touch the subject of Buck's father, but he jumped right into the diplomacy part of things to get an idea of how to move forward. basically, he has a lot of initiative, and it's nice to see that version of Erson merge with his newfound character development and goal to become a king that makes worthy changes to the world. It's just nice to see him in his element with his goal in mind.

I wonder what the ambassador will be like and how he'll affect their plans. It's such an anomaly at this point, like who knows how this is going to go. I trust Pires and Erson will be diplomatic -- but Erson could still find an opportunity to "make fools" of Pires and Buck too. idk, man, anything can really happen.

I look forward to finding out soon!!

I'm finally up to date! And I beat @JabberHut here *cackles evily*.

Ok, so! I read the last few posts but haven't commented anything as I'm not too sure I had anything really to add to your other reviews. Please do let me know if you want any thoughts on them though as I'm happy to share.

As Buck moved into the room he saw that there were already a couple of words and phrases jotted down, but he had to go grab an extra chair so he couldn’t immediately see what they were.

“I won’t pry,” Erson said, looking at Buck for the first time since he’d come in. Then he turned back to Pires. “But tell me more about this ambassador. Have they gone on missions like this before? The arrangement sounds rather specific is all I’m thinking.”

“I’m just curious,” Erson said. “It would be nice to eventually meet more people from around the world, see how they live their lives. I don’t think anybody thinks this kingdom is perfect, and thanks to… what we’re doing… I will have the chance to make some changes one day. Perhaps I shall be able to see some other ways of building a society.”

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And time for me to get some humor to round out a day of dark stories.

First Impression: Sounds like a setup to some sneaky ambassador arrivals. All in Erson appears to have gotten past the farting phase which is good.

Anyway getting right to it,

Erson was sitting directly in front of Pires’s desk, exactly where Buck usually sat. The sunlight streamed in across the two of them, illuminating some paper on the desk. As Buck moved into the room he saw that there were already a couple of words and phrases jotted down, but he had to go grab an extra chair so he couldn’t immediately see what they were. Pires always kept a few less luxuriously cushioned chairs up against the far right wall of the room in case any allies were joining them for discussions. Usually Buck was there before the ally though, and sitting in his usual chair.

“Erson got here early, as you can imagine, he and Myal are staying in the palace of course.”

Pires turned the paper around to face him. “Well, we’ve been given the name of the ambassador who’s coming to meet us. Seemingly it’s a rather small party being sent first – just the ambassador, a ship captain and a single deckhand. Then they’ll return home and discuss… essentially discuss whether I am more worth contact with than my father. They did not get on so well with my father.”

Now Erson did look at Pires. He raised an eyebrow and said, “I didn’t think that was what you meant by diplomacy.”

Buck glanced down as his eyes widened. He’d left Simone in the bucket at Victane’s with his mum. He hadn’t expected to run into Erson quite so soon, but he’d figured it would happen eventually. And when it did, he was hoping to avoid the mention of buckets or foolery, on either side. Of course, Pires had immediately cried out his name as he entered the room, so that was that for that plan. That was actually an oddly simple mistake for Pires to make, but maybe she was just as stomach-churningly nervous as him. In any case, he was glad he did not have Simone with her while they discussed theft from a foreign nation.

“Yes, it was an invention of Buck’s father’s, and he was taken into service to develop it for them, as essentially punishment,” Pires said.

Buck smiled despite everything. He remembered Erson saying something like that back in the Royal Valley. Perhaps one day all of this would be behind them and Erson would be busy changing the world. The conversation went on for a while with Erson asking more questions about the nation, though Pires ran out of answers soon. For being such a key part of the recent history of Resador, Buck for one had given very little thought to that nation off to the south. Pires had brought it up very rarely too. But now they had to face it, and their history, if for no other reason than to satisfy some of Erson’s burgeoning curiosity.